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Self Esteem

Mia_John
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Self Esteem

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    1. Self Esteem Session 7

    3. I matter.

    4. To have poor self esteem is to… Feel that I am inappropriate for life Feel that I am wrong. Not wrong about issues or knowledge. Wrong as a person. Wrong in my being. Feel basically inadequate and unworthy.

    5. Self esteem is different than pride. Pride pertains to the pleasure we take in ourselves because of specific achievement or actions.

    6. Pride is… I have.

    7. Self Esteem is… I can!

    8. Behaviors indicating positive self esteem… Facial expression and mannerisms project joy in being alive – simple delight.

    9. HONESTY When speaking of accomplishments or shortcomings

    10. Comfortable When giving and receiving compliments, expressions of affection, appreciation…

    11. OPEN To criticism Comfortable About making mistakes

    12. Moves with sense of ease and spontaneity

    13. Agreement between what the person says and does. Harmony in how the person looks, sounds, and moves.

    14. An attitude of… Openness and curiosity toward new ideas, experiences, and possibilities

    15. Displays A sense of humor toward self and others.

    16. Projects An attitude of flexibility

    17. Is comfortable with assertive communication and behavior.

    18. Preserves a quality of dignity and control even under stress

    19. Unfortunately, early in life many of us receive the message , “You are not good enough.”

    20. “You may have potential, but you are unacceptable as you are. You need to be fixed.”

    21. “You are not enough” Is communicated through criticism and excessive praise

    22. Common Misconceptions People with high self esteem always feel: Cheerful Confident Secure They never feel: Anxious Uncertain Worry

    23. Pause for a moment to reflect on your own self esteem, as a child and as an adult.

    24. To Assess Your Own Self Esteem Take the Quiz Are you easily hurt by criticism? Are you very shy or overly aggressive? Do you try to hide your feelings from others? Do you fear close relationships? Do you try to blame your mistakes on others? Do you find excuses for refusing to change? Do you avoid new experiences? Do you continually with you could change your appearance? Are you too modest about your own success? Are you glad when others fail?

    25. If you answered MOST of these questions “yes,” your self esteem could probably use some improvement.

    26. What are some things that have affected your self esteem?

    27. Low self esteem comes from: Rejection Conditional love or no love at all Lack of attention, being ignored Not being taken seriously Not being listened to Disrespect

    28. Low Self Esteem Comes From… Emotional abuse Prejudice Comparison, perfectionism Focusing on externals Too high/too low expectations Resentment Physical and sexual abuse/exploitation

    29. High Self Esteem Comes From… Acceptance, respect, love Attention/being taken seriously Feeling of connectedness/belonging Honesty (fact and sensitivity) Honoring uniqueness Authentic expression of feelings Encouragement, support, appreciation Safety/security

    30. High Self Esteem Comes From… High and reasonable expectations Sense of personal power/having choices Being responsible Being healthy and fit Affectionate and appropriate touch Forgiveness/allowing and learning from mistakes Sense of purpose Laughter and play

    31. As children observe and experience the positive influences in their lives, they conclude, “I’m okay.” “Mom/Dad/the teacher thinks I’m important. I must matter.” “I’m worthwhile.” “I’m loved.” If we stop doing the things that lower self esteem and start doing more of the things that raise it, you’ll notice marked improvements in your classroom/family.

    32. When giving praise… Be specific Be sincere Focus on the effort not the product Point out how child has progressed Let child do own evaluating (I thought you did well. How do you think you did?)

    33. Describe positive behavior and positive results Don’t praise by comparison Don’t praise so extravagantly that the child feels pressured to go on shining Don’t use backhanded praise (It’s nice to see you being good for a change.)

    34. Listen Listen Listen

    35. Principles for Negative Feedback Focus on the behavior (what they did not who they are) Focus on things that can be changed Based on observations, not inferences Avoid absolutes (never, always, etc.) Based on the child’s needs, not yours Focus on future, not past Limit amount of feedback

    36. Allow natural or logical consequences Set up logical consequences ahead of time and stick to them. Don’t rant and rave. Then it becomes your problem. Ask the child what he did wrong and what the consequence is for that misbehavior. Carry out the consequence.

    37. At some point after you have repeatedly made a rule in the child’s best interest, let her make the choice and see the consequences. Let her go without the jacket… have all the junk food she wants at the fair… swim when you know the water is too cold… stay up late and see how tired he is the next day. This only works if you have maintained consistent enforcement of the rules prior to the situation.

    38. Own your own issues. (If something pushes your button, look to see if it’s really the child’s problem or your own) Determine nonnegotiable and negotiable rules.

    39. Questions to Encourage Self-Evaluation… What do you want? What are you doing to get what you want? Is what you’re doing working? How does it feel when you think like that? Can you do something that would be more helpful?

    40. Self-Evaluation… When you behave like that, how do you feel? What do you really want? If your present pattern of behavior doesn’t seem to be helping, what else might you do? Do you think it is worth trying something different?

    41. You and the child must believe and accept that: Struggle is a part of life

    42. We can lay a strong foundation for healthy self esteem by accepting as natural and normal the process of making mistakes.

    43. Competencies Children Need Unique gifts and skills Self-awareness Self-control Initiates interactions Expresses oneself Listens to others

    44. Competencies Shows respect Cooperates and shares Problem-solves/negotiates Makes & keeps commitments Be responsible Contributes to others

    45. Final thought… Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

    46. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically Liberates others. -1994 Inaugural Speech Nelson Mandela

    47. Resources Branden, Nathaniel. Honoring the Self. Hart, Louise. The Winning Family. LaMeres, Clare. The Winner’s Circle Yes, I Can! LaMeres Lifestyles Unlimited: New Port Beach, 1990.

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