successful implementation of the nurturing parenting programs

1. Successful Implementation of the Nurturing Parenting Programs ® Stephen J. Bavolek, Ph.D. #1#1

3. Scientist Understanding the differences between personal truths, beliefs, opinions, and facts.

4. Clinician Having insight into the origins and value of my parenting beliefs.

5. Practitioner Do I practice and teach healthy, proven parenting strategies and techniques?

6. Structure of Nurturing Programs Nurturing Parenting Programs are designed to involve the entire family. #6#6

7. Structure of Nurturing Programs Nurturing Parenting Programs are proven, evidence-based programs recognized by the National Registry for Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP). #7#7

8. Structure of Nurturing Programs Nurturing Parenting Programs are skill-focused, competency-based programs designed to correspond to the developmental age level of children. #8#8

9. Structure of Nurturing Programs Nurturing Parenting Programs are also designed to meet the unique learning needs and cultures of families. #9#9

10. Structure of Nurturing Programs Nurturing Parenting Programs emphasize the importance of parents learning new parenting skills and family members learning new and healthier ways to live together. #10#10

11. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Human behavior is multidimensional The positive and negative impact of life’s past events shape our cognitive, emotional and neurological responses to current events. #11#11

12. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Eckert Tolle: “Remember that your perception of the world is a reflection of your state of consciousness. You are not separate from it and there is not an objective world out there.” “Power of Now”

13. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Positive and negative life events carry both cognitive and affective cellular memories. Over time, repeated events create neural pathways. #12#12

14. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Nurturing Parenting instruction is based on psycho-educational and cognitive-behavioral approaches of learning. #13#13

15. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Nurturing Parenting embraces the theory of “re-parenting.” #14#14

16. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Nurturing oneself as a man or woman is an important practice in nurturing children and others. #15#15

17. Principles of Nurturing Parenting There is an essential difference between our Being, which constitutes the core elements of our identity, and our Doing, which constitutes our behavior. #16#16

18. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Parenting is a role. There are three primary categories of roles: Family Work/Career Community #17#17

19. Principles of Nurturing Parenting A self-identity formed from role-identity places the burden of ones self-worth on others or on one’s performance. #18#18

20. Principles of Nurturing Parenting Self-awareness is a crucial aspect in Nurturing Parenting. “The unexamined life is a life not worth living. Socrates “Insight leads to choices; choices lead to changes; changes lead to liberation.” James Hollis, The Middle Passage #19#19

21. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting The word Nurturing comes from the Latin word Nutritura which means “to promote, nurse and nourish life. The energy of nurturing is both positive and negative. #20#20

22. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting Positive nurturing is nourishing the aspects of life we want. Negative nurturing is nourishing the aspects of life we don’t want, but get anyway. #22#22

23. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting Positive nurturing is called Empathy. Empathy comes from the Greek word Empatheia, meaning “feeling into.” Empathy is the ability to perceive the subjective experience of another person. #23#23

24. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting Negative nurturing is called Abuse and Neglect. The word Abuse comes from the Latin word Abusus which means “to mistreat; cruel and harsh punishment.” #24#24

25. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting Neglect comes from the Latin word Neglegere. Neg means “not” and legere means “pick up.” Neglectful parenting means not holding or touching children. #25#25

26. Nurturing and Abuse/Neglect are two parenting patterns that exist on a continuum of frequency and intensity of zero to 10. Nurturing Parenting Frequency Always Frequent Sometimes Infrequent Never Intensity Very High High Average Low Not Present 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Abusive and Neglectful Parenting Frequency Never Infrequent Sometimes Frequent Always Intensity Not Present Low Average High Very High 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 #26#26

27. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting Alice laughed, “There’s no use in trying,” she said. “One can’t believe in impossible things.” “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the queen. “When I was your age I always did it for half an hour a day. Why sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things … before breakfast.” - Lewis Carroll

28. The neurological networks and pathways that are created in childhood and influence behavior are the result of the frequency and intensity of the quality of life. #27#27

29. Events develop personality characteristics. Personality characteristics lead to personality traits. Personality traits lead to full blown personalities. Philosophy of Nurturing Parenting

30. Abusive and neglecting parenting practices create diseased networks of anger, stress, etc. Two dysfunctional traits are formed: The Perpetrator The Victim #28#28

31. Nurturing parenting practices reinforce a complex system of hormones and other chemical messengers in the brain that predisposes human beings to form and sustain strong attachments to other people. As a result of nurturing, two personality traits are reinforced: The Nurturer The Nurtured #29#29

32. There are approximately 157,776 hours of life in the first 18 years of life … Positive Negative Dysfunctional Hours 20% 80% 126,221 30% 70% 110,443 50% 50% 78,888 70% 30% 47,333 80% 20% 31,555 90% 10% 15,778 95% 5% 7,889 99% 1% 1,578 100% 0% 0 #31#31

33. The Two Wolves

34. An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchild about life. He said to his grandchild …

35. “A fight is going on inside of me … and it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

36. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

37. The other wolf stands for honor, joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

38. The same fight is going on inside of you and inside of every other human being too.”

39. After thinking about it for a minute or two, the grandchild asked her grandfather, “Which wolf will win”?

40. The old man leaned toward his grandchild and whispered … “The one you feed.”

41. The events in life contribute to our self perception: Self Concept Thoughts we have of our self. Self Esteem Feelings we have about our self. Self Worth The overall value we have for our self. #32#32

42. Cells carry an emotional memory in addition to the cognitive memory. The more you recall negative images of self, the more they become “normalized,” form neural pathways, and become the story of that person. #33#33

43. To change the brain’s pathways, people need to learn how to change their mind’s thinking. #34#34

44. The Nurturing Parenting Philosophy of Change In emergence theory, individuals already possess a degree of the sought after traits. The practice of re-parenting entails interactive and experiential lessons that challenge existing thought and behavior patterns. #35#35

45. The Nurturing Parenting Philosophy of Change True Nurturing Adapted Perception Cognition Nature + + + + I EXPERIENCES SELF BELIEFS BEHAVIOR -- -- -- -- Abuse & Neglect Adapted Emotional Social Consensus #36#36

46. The Nature of the “I” Biological systems predispose human beings to form and sustain enduring, nurturing relationships. #37#37

47. The Nature of the “I” The presence or absence of a nurturing environment during childhood not only shapes a child’s psychological and emotional development but also alters brain development in ways that profoundly affect long-term health. #38#38

48. The Nature of the “I” Animal studies suggest that positive nurture may neutralize genetic vulnerabilities to depression and similar problems and perhaps even transform what would otherwise be genetic vulnerabilities into strengths. #39#39

49. The Nature of the “I” The nature of brain development during adolescence creates a continuing need for a nurturing environment. #40#40

50. The Nature of the “I” Human beings are biologically primed to seek moral and spiritual meaning, and nurturing relationships are a central foundation for a positive moral and spiritual development. #41#41

51. The Nature of the “I” Nurturing relationships and a spiritual connection to the transcendent significantly improve physical and emotional health. #42#42

52. Adapted or Acquired Self The intensity and frequency of positive and negative experiences promote the development of an adapted or acquired self. Positive Adapted Self Negative Adapted Self

53. Beliefs entail … … perceptions. All the information we receive about ourselves and the world through our senses.

54. Beliefs entail … … cognition. All the abstract conceptual processes that our brain uses to organize and make sense of our perceptions which include memories and unconscious thoughts. #45#45

55. Beliefs entail … … emotions. Emotions help us establish the intensity and value of every perceptual and cognitive experience we have. #46#46

56. Beliefs entail … … social consensus. The input we receive from others. #48#48

57. Behavior is then defined as … … a conscious or unconscious expression of a vast system of cause and effect relationships between our true nature and the adapted beliefs of the Self. #49#49

58. Parenting Constructs The following constructs identify the known parenting practices and child rearing behaviors of abusive and neglecting parents. The Nurturing Parenting Programs are designed to treat and prevent these practices from occurring.

59. Construct A: Inappropriate Parental Expectations Beginning very early in the infant’s life, abusive parents tend to inaccurately perceive the skills and abilities of their children.

60. Construct B: Parental Lack of an Empathic Awareness of Children’s Needs Empathic parents are sensitive to their children and create an environment that is conducive to promoting children’s emotional, intellectual, physical, social, spiritual, and creative growth.

61. Construct C: Strong Belief in the Use of Corporal Punishment Physical punishment is generally the preferred means of discipline used by abusive parents. Throughout history, the use of corporal punishment has been well documented.

62. Corporal Punishment: Why Parents Hit Their Children Parents hit children to teach them right from wrong. Parents hit children as a form of punishment. Parents hit children based on religious writings. Parents hit children as an “act of love.” Parents hit children because it’s a cultural practice. Parents hit children to prepare them for the real world.

63. Construct D: Parent-Child Role Reversal Parent-child role reversal is an interchanging of traditional role behaviors between a parent and child, so that the child adopts some of the behaviors traditionally associated with parents.

64. Construct E: Oppressing Children’s Power and Independence When children’s power and independence are oppressed, they are not allowed to challenge, to voice opinions, or to have choices, but rather are told to “do what they are told to do” without question.

65. Construct E: Oppressing Children’s Power and Independence This demand for compliance to parental authority has many limitations: Obedience breeds powerlessness. Obedience breeds inadequacy. Obedience also breeds rebelliousness. Obedience breeds compliance — to all. Obedience breeds followers, not leaders.

66. Morals and Values of Nurturing Parenting To advance the efforts of the treatment and prevention of dysfunctional and abusive parenting practices, the moral beliefs of caring for one’s self, for others, for animals, and for the environment must be valued.

67. Value One A positive self-worth is critical to the ability to nurture one’s self, others, animals, and the environment. Parents and children who treat themselves with respect will in turn treat others with respect.

68. Value Two Empathy forms the foundation of Nurturing Parenting. Empathy is the ability to be aware of the needs of others, and to take positive actions on the behalf of others. Developing a sense of empathy is the cornerstone of the Nurturing Parenting Programs.

69. Value Three Children need to be empowered to make good choices and wise decisions through the use of their strong will and personal power. Developing a strong sense of personal power is a necessary element in becoming a nurturing individual.

70. Value Four Discipline is the practice of teaching children to be respectful, cooperative, and contributing members to a family and society. Parental practices of discipline must model the sought after behavior of the child.

71. Value Five Humor, laughter, and fun promote happiness in families, an optimistic view of life, and outlet for stress reduction, and the chance to make living together as a family enjoyable. A happy child is an easier child to parent than a child with a negative, hostile attitude.

72. Value One: Positive Self-Worth 1. Appropriate Developmental Expectations 2. Development Stages 3. Children’s Brain Development 4. Teen’s Brain Development 5. Differences Between the Male & Female Brain 6. Ten Ways to Improve a Child’s Self-Worth

73. Value Two: Empathy 1. Defining Empathy 2. Needs and Behavior 3. Basic Needs of Individuals and Spoiling Children 4. Establishing Nurturing Routines 6. Personal Touch History and Types of Touch 7. Body Map 8. Typical Feelings of Discomfort 9. Relationship Between Alcohol, Anger and Abuse 10. Recognizing and Handling Anger 11. Recognizing and Handling Stress 12. Strategies to Reduce Children’s Stress

74. Value Three: Personal Power 1. Definition of Personal Power and Control 2. Understanding Power Struggles 3. Empowerment and the Strong-Willed Child. 4. Obedience, Responsibility and Cooperation 5. Activities to Empower Children. 6. Taking Responsibility – No Blaming 7. Criticism and Confrontation 8. Brainstorming 9. Problem Solving and Decision Making 10. Negotiating and Compromising 11. Positive, Negative and Neutral Styles of Communication

75. Value Four: Discipline 1. Discipline, Punishment, Rewards 2. Behavior Management, Modification, and Encouragement 3. Techniques to Manage Behavior 4. Techniques to Encourage Behavior (REWARDS) 5. Techniques to Modify Behavior (PUNISHMENTS)

76. Value Five: Humor, Laughter, Fun A Happy Family Culture Suggestions for Fun Family Activities Parenting Skills for Humor Benefits of Humor, Laughter and Fun

77. Home-Based Programs (FORMAT)Forty-Eight, 90 minute sessions meet one day a week for 48 consecutive weeks The following is consistent in each home session: Welcome and Check-In (10 minutes) Parenting Skills and Self Nurturing Activities (50 minutes) Family Nurturing Time (20 minutes) Home Practice Assignment (5 minutes) Family Hug (5 minutes)

78. Implementing the HOME-BASED Nurturing Programs Keep consistent length and schedules of home visits. Use appropriate activities for infants, toddlers and preschoolers during Family Nurturing Time. The parent sessions are arranged numerically in a developmental learning order; that is, many concepts serve as prerequisite knowledge to other more advanced knowledge and skills.

79. Implementing the HOME-BASED Nurturing Programs What happens to the children when you work with the parents? Bring a lot of toys for the children to play with. With infants, you may just want the mother to hold the child, or place the child in a crib, swing, play pen, etc. nearby where you both are talking. Allow the child to sit in on your discussions. The child may soon learn he’d rather be doing something else. Find alternate child care for the one hour (neighbor, relative, etc.).

80. Implementing the HOME-BASED Nurturing Programs Use the Parent Handbook. Use the Audio-Visual Presentations. Keeping a Weekly Family Log. The Home Practice Assignment is designed to give parents practice in trying the concepts that are presented during the Nurturing Program. At the end of each home visit, you and all the family members close the time with a family hug.

81. Implementing the HOME-BASED Nurturing Programs Complete one Family Record Form and Family Schedule and Performance Chart. We recommend that you use the Adult-Adolescent Parenting Inventory (AAPI-2), Nurturing Quiz (NQ), Family Social History Questionnaire (FSHQ), Nurturing Skills Competency Scale (NSCS), and the Parenting Attitudes Regarding Teens Inventory (PARTI) for your pretest and posttest measures.

82. Group-Based Programs (FORMAT)Parents & Children 5-11 Years – 2 ½ hours Parent’s Group (20 minutes) Children’s Group 5-11 Years Welcome Hello Time Check-In Circle Time Parenting Lesson Art/Games Family Nurturing Time (20 minutes) Parent’s Group (20 minutes) Children’s Group 5-11 Years Parenting/Self Lesson Puppet Power Closing & Praise Circle Art/Games Learning Center Good-Bye Song

83. Group-Based Programs (FORMAT)Parents & Adolescents 12-18 Years – 3 hours Parent’s Group (70 minutes) Teens Group 12-18 Years (70 minutes) Welcome Welcome Check-In Check-In Parenting Lesson Teen Development Lesson Family Nurturing Time (20 minutes) Parents and Teens Together (90 minutes) Discussion, Activities and Role-Playing Closing & Praise Circle

84. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs Pre-Session Assurances: Contact the family prior to the start of the first session; preferably on the day before. Remind them of the time, date, and place of the meeting. Call to make sure the training site will be open. Make sure you have all the materials for the session. Arrive an hour early to arrange the rooms, get coffee/tea going. Make sure the children’s learning centers are arranged.\ Make sure you know how to operate the A/V equipment.

85. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Prepare to Facilitate the Group Session: Understand the concepts of the session. Understand the activity to be facilitated. Understand your role as co-facilitator. Prepare the environment. RELAX and have fun with it!

86. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs When the Group Session Begins: Introduce yourself and each facilitator to the families as they enter. Tour the facility and show parents and children where the groups will be held. Have name tags ready for the first session. Get children involved in the learning centers if they arrive early before the formal session begins. Begin on time. Late comers will work harder to get their on time if you start on time.

87. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs When the Group Session Begins: (continued) Place chairs in a circle. Leave no vacant chairs in the circle. Welcome everyone and then them for sharing this time with you. Review the orientation of the program to the parents located in Activities Manuals and Parent Handbooks. Keep the group going. Be prepared and flow with the materials.

88. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Succeed with the Nurturing Programs: Be prepared. Provide leadership. Begin and end on time. Have snacks and beverages. Share family phone numbers. Share facilitator phone numbers. Contact family who missed session and make up session. No new families after the second week of the program.

89. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Succeed with the Nurturing Programs: (continued) 9. Establish a nurturing group: Use confrontation. Use praise. Praise group for attending Establish family/group rules. Promote respect and dignity. Cut no one down. Don’t take sides. Make no snide remarks.

90. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Succeed with the Nurturing Programs: (continued) Make contact with family case worker to review progress. Meet weekly as a team to review progress parents and children are making. For Teen Parents … Offer “free goodies,” diapers, stuffed animals, etc. Do home visits with grandparents and teens together, when appropriate.

91. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs Selecting Families: Decide what to do with families when all members can’t or won’t attend. Screen for alcohol and drug dependency. Screen for mental illness. Low functioning parents or parents with intellectual handicaps. Families with children in foster care. Decide what to do with families when all members can’t or won’t attend. Parents living with parents. Involve grandparents? Screen for sexual abuse.

92. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Get Families to Attend: Meet with reluctant person(s) on their turf (home, park, lunch). Contract with person/family to attend the first three sessions. After three sessions, the family is hooked. Schedule a convenient training time. Help arrange transportation. Choose comfortable training site. Do NOT call it a “child abuse prevention program”!

93. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Get Families to Attend: (continued) Put contingency on attendance Child placed or returned from foster care Child removed from home with relative. Get friends and relatives to put pressure on family to attend Keep fee for attendance low or free. Make it sound like you have a program with a long waiting list and they’re lucky to be selected. Send a “thank you” note to them telling them how much you enjoyed meeting them and that you look forward to your time together.

94. Implementing the GROUP-BASED Nurturing Programs How to Get Families to Attend: (continued) Get court order to attend. Have families invite neighbor families or friends to also attend. For teen parents: Get high school credit Let boyfriend and children attend Keep your conviction high.

95. Program Facilitators:People Who Will Implement the Nurturing Program Four facilitators are needed to run group-based programs – two for the children or adolescent groups; two for the parent group. (One facilitator is needed to conduct a home visit.)

96. Program Facilitators:People Who Will Implement the Nurturing Program Facilitators need to be: Empathic Emotionally stable Accepting of their own personal background Dependable

97. Program Facilitators:People Who Will Implement the Nurturing Program Facilitators need to have: Good self-esteem and self-concept. Knowledge and acceptance of alternatives to corporal punishment. Skills in behavior management. Appropriate expectations of preschoolers, children, and adolescents. The ability to act as a professional (there to help facilitate growth in others – not primarily self). The ability to conduct group process. The ability to act as a team. Self-assurance to run activities with music, play, and art

98. Program Facilitators:People Who Will Implement the Nurturing Program Each time you run an activity, preparing for and conducting the next activity becomes a little bit easier. You'll develop your own style and special techniques as you go along. You have your co-facilitators to help and the participants to appreciate your work. You’ll do just great!