SUCCESSFUL SPORTS PARENTING: Formal Proofs of Ski Racing

1. SUCCESSFUL SPORTS PARENTING: Formal Proofs of Ski Racing Alternate title: Bob don’t know jack ‘bout math

2. Why this talk? • We all want our kids to do well. • We want our kids to learn life-lessons from sports. • We want kids to find/share a recreational activity for later in life • I love to poke at academics (Why not? They spent years poking at me…) Many parents struggle with how to best support their kids in our program. We hope this answers some of your questions.

3. We want this to be fun for your children • A positive coach-parent relationship can improve your child’s experience • Frequent, open, bi-directional communication • A positive team-parent relationship can improve your child’s experience • Parents: Be involved – volunteer • Club: Communicate philosophy, policies, expectations, roles

4. Axiom #1 Fixing your child’s (select one: ski technique, tactics, mental skills) is part of your job. Corollary 1: The best time to teach your child about skiing is in the finish area. Corollary 2: The next best time to teach your child about skiing is in the car, on the ride home from a race. Corollary 3: The more you know about ski racing, the more often (and emphatically) you can provide “suggestions”.

5. Truth • Try to keep at least a 5:1 ratio of accurate praise to constructive criticism and avoid all criticism for at least an hour following races. (even better – let your kid start the discussion of what to do better.) • Focus on praise and instances in which your children persevere, overcome adversity, or demonstrate discipline, courage, responsibility, camaraderie, and good sportsmanship.

6. Theorem #2 My child would like racing more if she did better. Corollary 1: Rather than the top 5, we should give the top 10 athletes medals. Corollary 2: We should give the rest ribbons.

7. TRUTH Competition is OK • Introduce it at the appropriate age* • Put winning/losing in perspective* • Help your child focus on process goals, rather than outcome goals. *Richard D. Ginsburg, Ph.D.CO-DIRECTOR, PACES INSTITUTE

8. "Victory is in the quality of competition, not the final score."-Mike Marshall

9. "Winning isn't always finishing first. Sometimes winning is just finishing."-Manuel Diotte

10. Theorem #3 Moms and Dads can be objective on their child’s performance and abilities. Corollary 1: if Johnny makes JO’s at 13, then he’s destined for the US Ski Team. Corollary 2: if Jill is last as a J4, then she’ll never amount to much as a ski racer. Corollary 3: Your child will feel better about themselves if you compare them to another child who did much worse, preferably in the lodge, at a very high volume level. Corollary 4: If corollary 3 doesn’t work, compare them to their siblings who raced before them.

11. Truth • Kids grow at different rates. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity basketball team as a 10th grader. • US Ski Team member AJ Kitt was a average racer in the J5-J3 level. * *source: other NYSEF racers who raced against him

12. "A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are."-Ara Parashegian

13. Theorem #4 The sooner your child specializes in one sport, the better he/she will be at it when they grow up. Corollary: Time spent in the terrain park – OR GOD FORBID, SNOWBOARDING (just kill me now!) – is valuable ski time wasted.

14. Truth • “Young athletes who specialize in just one sport may be denied the benefits of varied activity while facing additional physical, physiologic, and psychological demands from intense training and competition.” (AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS) • Multi-sport athletes tend to get better grades, and are often the most active and productive athletes in the school. (Cardone, 1994). • An athlete who participates in team and individual sports gains the perspectives and values unique to each. (Matheson, 1990), • The exposure to different coaches with different philosophies, strategies, and personalities can provide important benefits for the development of a well-rounded athlete. (Hill, & Hansen, 1988) • With pressure to succeed hinging on one sport, the consequent anxiety often leads to burnout. (Hill & Hansen, 1988).

15. Theorem #5 Teaching sportsmanship is the coach’s job. Postulate 1: The course setter was drunk. Postulate 2 : The course setter was trying to prove how tough he is. (which is a bad idea when you are drunk!) Corollary 1: The weather was unfair. Corollary 2: The ruts were ridiculous. Corollary 3: Your child always has the worst start position.

16. Truth “Mom & Dad” • Provide unconditional love, support, encouragement. • Be the #1 role model. • Enable your child to maintain perspective and balance. • Match your level of support with your child’s goals, level of enthusiasm, and level of commitment. • Demonstrate a love for learning about the sport. YOUR JOB: Offer guidance, understanding, logistical & financial support

17. I can’t play being mad. I go out there and have fun. It’s a game, and that’s how I am going to treat it."-Ken Griffey, Jr.

18. General needs by age J5’s and J4’s • Encourage your children not to suffer alone. Urge them to consult with trusted adults when they are in pain. • Preserve for your children a balance between organized sports and free, unstructured play. (USSA recommends 50% free skiing.) • Create positive post-race rituals, such as a trip to the local eatery, and avoid critical analysis. • If your children are unhappy with their sport, provide a dignified exit strategy before things reach the meltdown stage.

19. General Needs by Age J3’s• Allow coaches and teachers to assist your children in becoming stronger and independent. • The brains and bodies of adolescents will continue to develop into their twenties, so don't expect them to think, perform, and behave as adults. • Talented teen athletes do not always transition into talented young adult athletes. In fact, some uncoordinated or slow-developing teens can turn out to be the best athletes. • A love of playing is the fuel for hard work and ongoing success needed to perform at the highest levels in sports or any other endeavor. • Sometimes quitting isn't a “cop out”, but instead is a decision to pursue a more fitting activity.

20. General Needs by Age J1’s,J2’s • Love and support your kids regardless of points. Have conversations about the pressure on them to perform and remind them that doing their best is enough. • Teach children to accept disappointments and use them as opportunities to learn and improve. • Keep your wants and needs separate from your children's performance. • Emphasize factors your kids can control such as effort, focus, and attitude — all of which will build confidence.

21. Where to go to find out more • USSA CD “Successful Sports Parenting” • http://www.internationalsport.com • http://www.parentingathletes.com/ • http://www.whosegameisitanyway.com • Sport Specialization in Youth: A Literature Review JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN CHIROPRACTIC ASSOCIATION,  Apr 2004  by Hecimovich, Mark • PEDIATRICS Vol. 106 No. 1 July 2000, pp. 154-157 • Intensive Training and Sports Specialization in Young Athletes, Committee on Sports Medicine and Fitness, PEDIATRICS Vol. 106 No. 1 July 2000, pp. 154-157 • Cardone, D. (1994). A.D. Roundtable: Has specialization in sport affected participation in interscholastic programs? Scholastic Coach and Athletic Director, 64 (5), p. 4. • Matheson, B. (1990). Specialization: A detriment to high school sports. Saskatchewan High Schools Athletic Association Bulletin, 14 (4), pp. 5-6 • Hill, G. M., & Hansen, G. F. (1988). Specialization in high school athletics: A new trend? Clearing House, 62 (1), pp. 40-41. • Baker, J (2003). Early Specialization in Youth Sport: a requirement for adult expertise?, Routledge,14 (1), pp. 85 - 94

22. Notable Quotes "Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play."-Mike Singletary

23. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

24. "I always tell kids, you have two eyes and one mouth. Keep two open and one closed. You never learn anything if you're the one talking."-Gordie Howe

25. "Remember that sports are meant to be fun. Don't let someone make the sport un-fun for you."-A.J. Kitt

26. "Struggle and survival, losing and winning, doesn't matter. It's entering the race that counts. You enter, you can win, you can lose .... but it's all about entering the race." -Pam Grier

27. The only thing better than winning is losing knowing you gave your best."-Michael Ip

28. “.. teach respect for the opposition, love of competition, the value of trying your best, and how to win and lose graciously."-Brooks Clark

29. "The most important decision I ever made in my career was to live my life in sports as honestly and ethically as possible. Never having compromised my values allows me to look back on my life with no regrets and feel satisfaction in what I was able to accomplish."-Greg LeMond

30. "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."-Robert F. Kennedy

31. Obstacles are what we see only when we lose sight of our goals."-Unknown

32. "Every day the word 'gift' is used to define talent, ability, and performance. Being gifted has an even deeper meaning, a meaning that isn't always measured in points per game or win/loss records - it's measured by heart, effort, and desire."-Alan Cohen