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Sometimes, when I am talking to a client, without even realizing, it reminds me of similar stories of previous clients and others around me. Today, I can especially recall Jasmin (name changed for the purpose of privacy) who was approximately nineteen years old when she got married. Like any other young girl she had dreams of a fairy tale married life, where her husband would dote on her and treat her like a princess.
But it took just a couple of months into the marriage for her to realize that all her dreams had turned into a nightmare, and probably she would have to live this nightmare all through her life. What she had to undergo was not just physical assault and injury, but she was also ridiculed and humiliated publicly to such an extent that she lost all her confidence.
Her husband would invite his friends over and then in front of them criticize her on everything. And, after heart-breaking insults, beating, and cursing, he would end the day by forcing her into bed. her husband not only abused her, but also suffered with sexual addiction. She was financially dependent on him and that worked in his favor as she struggled with low self esteem and hopelessness. Her friends and family, told her that domestic violence was a very common thing.
With no support from her family, Jasmin felt literally out of options. She felt, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, when one day she found out that she was pregnant. The beating and all the abuse stopped. Her husband became extremely loving and took care of all her needs. She thought the worst was over, but only to realize that the worst was yet to come. Once her little boy was born, the torture started again, and this time around, he would threaten to hurt her baby as well. I still remember meeting her for the first time. “I wish my husband dies,” quietly expressed her deep desire, which she thought would end her miserable marital situation.
Her abusive relationship had brought her to the point of wishing for her husband’s death, but she was unwilling to get out of the marriage for different reasons such as: financial instability, complications in remarrying, self-Image, for the children’s sake, and should women endure? It was time for Jasmin to gather courage and stand up against the violence. She would not allow her husband to hurt her or her baby any longer. The violence of any sort is unjustified and should be condemned.
But when this violence comes from within your own family, and from people who are supposed to actually protect you, this violence not only cause physical injuries but also breaks down a person internally and emotionally. Domestic violence is just not getting physically hurt, but it also includes any form of intimidation, sexual assault, emotional distress, sexual abusive, and spiritual abuse. Do not be deceived into thinking that you are the one responsible for disclosing the “secrets” of your relationship by seeking help. And remember your children are watching you making these choices and they might just end up repeating the same mistakes.
