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Instructions for the Magic Acorn You Found Last Tuesday

Rather, ponder how it was that you alone came upon the magic acorn, and how best it can serve not only yourself, but those to whom you owe money and favor. ...

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Instructions for the Magic Acorn You Found Last Tuesday

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    Slide 1:Instructions for the Magic Acorn You Found Last Tuesday

    C. L. Bledsoe

    Slide 2:1. Do not attempt to wish upon the magic acorn.

    Slide 3:1. Do not attempt to wish upon the magic acorn. Rather, attempt to divest yourself of all longing.

    Slide 4:1. Do not attempt to wish upon the magic acorn. Rather, attempt to divest yourself of all longing. The magic acorn will not grant wishes. This is how you know it is magic.

    Slide 5:2. Do not show off the magic acorn.

    Slide 6:2. Do not show off the magic acorn. The magic acorn is not a nickel you found in the laundry, or your father's porno stash.

    Slide 7:2. Do not show off the magic acorn. The magic acorn is not a nickel you found in the laundry, or your father's porno stash. Also, do not attempt to trade the acorn to your buddies for candy or cigarettes. The magic acorn has no intrinsic market value.

    Slide 8:3. The magic acorn is to be savored.

    Slide 9:3. The magic acorn is to be savored. Do not squander all feelings of joy, expectation, or security in a mad dash eruption of dancing and exultation.

    Slide 10:3. The magic acorn is to be savored. Do not squander all feelings of joy, expectation, or security in a mad dash eruption of dancing and exultation. Rather, ponder how it was that you alone came upon the magic acorn, and how best it can serve not only yourself, but those to whom you owe money and favor.

    Slide 11:4. The magic acorn will not make you invisible, though it can be a stylish fashion accessory.

    Slide 12:5. The magic acorn is no substitute for hard work and careful planning.

    Slide 13:6. The magic acorn can replace companionship, but it can not replace sex.

    Slide 14:7. The magic acorn is not tax deductible.

    Slide 15:8. In times of need, a meager paste can be made by grinding the magic acorn against a stone, and when added to water, can be baked into a surprisingly palatable bread.

    Slide 16:9. The magic acorn will not bring back your feelings of self worth.

    Slide 17:10. If used improperly, the magic acorn will remove itself from your ownership.

    Slide 18:10. If used improperly, the magic acorn will remove itself from your ownership. Once the magic acorn has been lost, it can never be found again.

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