Dealing with grief For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. William Penn.

1. Dealing with griefFor death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.William Penn. Some useful tips to help you deal with grief, and some resources that may help you understand your pain.

2. It Is Normal! In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life. In fact, death gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is First off, know that everyone will at one point in their lives experience a loss. Whether it is a friend, child, parents, grandparent, etc. It never gets better, just easier. No feelings that you may experience are wrong. No two people deal with the grieving process the same. Everyone is different. There are people that are there for you. It may not seem like life is ever going to matter anymore, but your loved ones would want you to move on, carry on their memories, and cherish the love that they brought to your life and everyone else’s. Each day it will get easier, believe it or not! It’s kind of a weird analogy, but its kind of like alcoholism, your never really “cured” your just ‘better.’ you move on with your life, and even though you may think about them at every waking moment of the day, you know that they want you to be happy. That life is for the living. Your not betraying them by living your life, your just abiding your time until you can see them again.

3. The 5 stages • 1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. • 2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. • 3-Bargaining- attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. • 4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, mourning Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. • 5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it. Realization that the person is gone that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose.

4. Living with your griefParting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell.~Emily Dickinson You never said I’m leaving You never said goodbye You were gone before I knew it And only God knows why A million times I needed you A million times I cried If love alone could have saved you You never would have died In life I loved you dearly In death I love you still In my heart you hold a place That no one could ever fill It broke my heart to lose you But you didn’t go alone For all my love went with you The day God took you home. Unknown • The best thing to do when your loved one dies is to let yourself mourn. It is good for your mental and physical health. Here are some tips from the National Mental Health Association for living with your grief. • Seek out caring people. • Express your feelings. • Take care of your health. • Accept that life is for the living. • Postpone major life changes. • Be patient. • Seek outside help when necessary.

5. Helping others experiencing a lossDeath leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  ~From a headstone in Ireland • If you have a friend who has just lost a loved one and are not sure how to act, follow these tips from the National Mental Health Association • Share the sorrow. Talk about their loved ones with them, let them know you are there for them. • Don’t offer false comfort such as “it was for the best” or “you’ll get over it in time.” • Offer practical help such as cleaning, cooking, running errands, or babysitting. • Be patient. • Encourage Professional help when necessary.

6. Some places to go for help.When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me, remember the love that we have shared, and that will comfort thee. The National Mental Health Association 2001 N. Beauregard Street, 12th FloorAlexandria, VA 22311 Phone 703/684-7722Fax 703/684-5968 Suicide hotline 1-800-564-2120 Your own counselor. Family members, best friends, someone you can trust. Remember you are not alone, and you are not the only one who is struggling with these feelings. No matter how hopeless it may seem, there is help out there for you! Never be afraid or ashamed of your feelings, get help if you think you need it, don’t hesitate!

7. Poems and quotes about grief Some people come into our livesand leave footprints on our heartsand we are never ever the same.~Flavia Weedn, Forever Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you, until we meet again! ~Unknown Remember me when flowers bloom Early in the Spring. Remember me on sunny days, in the fun that summer bringsRemember me in the fall, as you walk thru the leaves of gold and in the winter time - remember me in the stories that are told. But most of all remember each day - right from the start, For I live in your heart.-Kim Kendall If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden      ~Claudia Gandhi

8. Music is helpful, too. Kenny Chesney-Who you’d be today Diamond Rio-I believe Rascal Flatts-What hurts the most Diamond Rio-One more day with you 3 Doors Down-Without you Brad Paisley-When I get where I’m going Faith Hill-There you’ll be Celine Dion-My heart will go on Gary Alan-The best I’ve ever had Garth Brooks-The dance Garth Brooks-till you come back to me again

9. Creative ways to memorialize your loved one • Holding candle lighting ceremonies. • Making a website celebrating them and their lives. • Releasing balloons on their birthday, it’s like your still giving them a gift. • A charm bracelet with charms that are symbolic of your loved one. • A scholarship in memory of your loved one. • Do a memorial video about your loved one with a song that represents them.

10. Thank you!!No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.-C.S Lewis I want to say a HUGE thank you to the people on deadlyroads.com. They have been there for me through everything! They are the ones who taught me how to handle my grief, they learned by handling their own. I hope that they find the peace that they need, and them and their loved ones, lost to hit and run drivers, will always hold a special place in my heart.