Managing Family Time Getting the right Quantity –Quality Trade-off

1. Managing Family Time Getting the right Quantity –Quality Trade-off

2. Contents • The current scenario –Observations • The quantity of time with family • The quality of time with Family • Quality time –engagement techniques and skills

3. The Current Scenario –ObservationsSample Survey Fathers on an average spend 3 -10 hours per week in all activities except teaching Family Bonding & One-On-One Bonding? Done but mostly subconsciously -not measured –Often leads to negative impacts and surprises

4. Family Bonding & One-On-One Bonding Bonds are often built by default but need to be nurtured consciously The extended family is included in the bonding process but they cannot be substitutes for the immediate family

5. Parenting Challenges • Nuclear Families leaves less time for building family relationships • Family Economic stability is a priority • Trade-Off between economic growth and family bonding • Personal ambitions of each parent is taking priority over family • Urge towards consumerism –increased luxury –less time for family • Technology is steering people away from face to face interpersonal interactions • Unclear of importance of family bonding and skills attached • Imbalanced in lifestyle is increasing: exercise –work –spiritual –relaxation • The generation gap has shifted from 50 to 5 years with current innovations • Today’s parents are at a loss for role models • Today’s children are looking for role models outside the family • The level of tolerance and emotional maturity in society is decreasing

6. Contents • The current scenario –Observations • The quantity of time with family • The quality of time with Family • Quality time –engagement techniques and skills

7. The Quantity of Time with FamilyTime Expenditure -Seven Buckets Personal Partnership Family Home Job Friends Community Available Time Day 24 hours Week 168 hours Month 672 hours How do we spend it?

8. Time Investment • Personal • Partnership • Family • Home • Job • Friends • Community Meetings Planning Research Emails Phone calls Conference calls Problem solving Report writing Career Development Training Work Execution Miscellaneous

9. Time Investment • Personal • Partnership • Family • Home • Job • Friends • Community Physical -Exercise Intellectual -Reading Spiritual -Meditation House wok -Cleaning, repairs, etc. Cooking, Gardening Purchases Bill payment

10. Time Investment • Personal • Partnership • Family • Home • Job • Friends • Community Building relationships: Family + 1 on 1 Sharing thoughts and ideas School home work Playtime, hobbies and entertainment Catering to personal and physical needs Planning activities Entertainment. Relaxation etc. Providing support and help Planning activities Holidays and hobbies

11. Time Investment • Personal • Partnership • Family • Home • Job • Friends • Community Building relationships: Spouse Sharing thoughts and ideas Catering to personal and physical needs Planning activities for the family Future plans Community social work Attend meetings Support causes Developmental work

12. Time Expenditure -Seven Buckets • Personal • Partnership • Family • Home • Job • Friends • Community Buckets & Goals Focus •Partnership •Family Do we have goals?

13. Contents • The current scenario –Observations • The quantity of time with family • The quality of time with Family • Quality time –engagement techniques and skills

14. Family Goals –Quality Time Is there a way to measure ‘where we are and where we want to be? Couple (Spouse) Goal Focus •Relationship bonds •Thought Alignment •Mutual appreciation and Support •Sharing thoughts and feelings Amount of Time spent & Achievement yardstick? Family Group Goal Focus •Relationship bonds •Thought Alignment •Mutual appreciation and Support •Outings, play, hobbies and other together time Amount of Time spent & Achievement yardstick? Family Individual Goal Focus •Relationship bonds •Thought Alignment •Mutual appreciation and Support •Personal sharing of thoughts and feelings •Development guidance and support Amount of Time spent & Achievement yardstick?

15. Family Quality Time to Achieve Goals Quantity of time spent does not guarantee results –Quality does Goal Focus •Relationship bonds •Thought Alignment •Mutual appreciation and Support •Understanding of each others attitudes on issues •Sharing of feelings on different issues and situations •High level of (age appropriate) interpersonal dialogue •Respecting each others point of view -Equality •Understanding each others idiosyncrasy •High level of compromise and adjustment Quantity of time required –Make time for important goals Qualityof time spent -Build skills to get the most of the time spent

16. Session Group Work Customizing Actions to Personal Situations Form groups and discuss each of the points below to find out what they mean in practice Parent –Child Relationship Reflection •Understanding of each others attitudes on issues •Sharing of feelings on different issues and situations •Appreciating the level of (age appropriate) interpersonal dialogue required •Respecting each others point of view irrespective of child’s age •Understanding each others idiosyncrasy •Managing compromise and adjustment in a fair and consistent manner Based on your findings reflect on how close you are towards achieving your relationship goal with each member of the family?

17. Individual Home WorkFamily Time Use Assessment Log • List all activities done with each member of the family individually (Per Week) • List all activities done as a family activity together (Per Week) • List all activities done with spouse (Per Week) • Mark Tine taken for each activity • Mark total time taken per week for each category (Spouse / Family / Individual)

18. Homework -Priority Matrix To appreciate your time expenditure put the items listed earlier in the appropriate quadrants Importance -supports your goals High High Importance & Low Urgency High Urgency & Importance Low Urgency & Importance High Urgency & Low Importance Low High Low Urgency Analysis of the Priority Matrix will help understand if your activities align with your goals

19. Homework -Plan Time Expenditure to Meet Goals Better Parenting comes from moving more time to the Green quadrants Planned State Current State

20. Quality Time in the Family • Parent Approaches • Family Characteristics • Family Strengths • Impacts on Family

21. The Quality Time –ApproachesChildren will not forget meaningful one-on-one time • When does ‘Time’ become ‘Quality Time’ ? When you use your time to: • Let your child know you’re interested in his/her activities. • Encourage your child to express their feelings in an age-appropriate way • Show respect and recognize your child’s feelings while sharing • Show your child he/she is treated with respect and equality • Explore how your child feels about different things/issues and make him/her feel comfortable to share them with you

22. Characteristics: Quality Time in the Family • Characteristics of a family that builds relationships • Each person in the family is valued and respected • Two-way communication exists • Each family member makes an effort to understand and trust the other’s point of view • Family members check in with each other, especially when making important decisions • Adults share responsibility, where possible, for caring roles • Family members make relationship a priority

23. Strengths Observed: Families with good Relationships • Communication: Listening and communicating with openness and honesty • Togetherness: Sharing similar values and beliefs –a sense of belonging and bonding • Sharing activities: Spending time together doing things they enjoy (sports, reading, games) • Affection: Showing affection and care regularly through words, hugs, kisses and thoughtfulness • Support: Offering and asking for support, with family members • Acceptance: Understanding, respecting and appreciating each family member’s unique qualities • Commitment: Seeing family wellbeing as a first priority and acting with commitment and loyalty • Resilience: Being able to tolerate difficulties and adapt to changing situations in positive ways.

24. Impacts: Quality time in Families Outcomes: • Higher levels of trust • Better levels of confidence, security and well being in family members • Higher level of development in social, emotional and cognitive skills • Better home and work balance • Better conflict management and resolution

25. Session Group WorkCustomizing Actions to Personal SituationsForm groups and discuss each of the points below to find out what they mean in practice Parent –Child Relationship •Parent Approaches •Family Characteristics •Family Strengths •Impacts on Family Based on your findings reflect on how you can adopt new methods to improve relationships in your families

26. Contents • The current scenario –Observations • The quantity of time with family • The quality of time with Family • Quality time –engagement techniques and skills

27. Parent Engagement Strategies • Power of Play –Playing with children helps them to open up • Getting Involved –getting involved in a child’s interest and hobbies helps to build a platform for interaction • Set up Rituals –Rituals like outings, walks, dinners, etchelp create special space for the child to interact • Keep Interaction open –Forcing issues does not help. It is important to go with the flow and the child will share when ready • Keep an Account of the quantity of time spent but more important is to measure the quality and frequency of interaction At no stage a parent should push the agenda. Move with the flow and allow the child to share when ready. Drop topic when child shows disinterest.

28. Engagement Techniques • Balance turns -Create a conversational framework for interaction • Be responsive to child verbal behavior –Go with the flow • Follow the child’s lead -Engage with the child interests • Give simple, clear and limited instructions -Only for “important” behaviors • Praise often -Praise makes interactions affectively more positive • Talk at the child’s target level –Facilitates better understanding

29. Engagement Skills –Tips on Positive Ways to Talk and Listen Imagine Solutions Together •Lighten Up! •Remember You're Talking to a Kid •Listen to Yourself Talk •Ask Real Questions •Talking About Tough Topics •Don't Discuss Everything •Spend Time Listening •Take a break and listen to your child •Repeat what you heard. •Ask specific questions to get more information. •Consider Your Child's Opinion •Pause and Think Out Loud (Before You Say No) •Accept the Feelings

30. Engagement Skills –Age Appropriateness Engagement Skills Development Stages • Listening–active + strategic • Speaking-conversational • Non-Verbal–eye contact, touch • Observation–Sensitivity, timing • Empathy –feelings + perspective

31. Engagement Considerations & Development Stages Infant Issue: Trust vsmistrust Question Can I trust the world Question Is it okay to be me? Issue: Autonomy vs. shame and doubt Toddler Pre-Schooler Issue: Initiative vs. guilt Question Is it okay for me to do, move, and act? Grade Schooler Issue: Industry vs. inferiority Question Can I make it in the world? People+things Teenager Issue: Identity vs. role confusion Question Who am I? Who can I be?

32. Session Group WorkApplying Engagement Skills to Development StagesForm groups and discuss each of the points below to find out what they mean in practice Parent –Child Engagement •What are the key characteristics of each of the 5 skills mentioned? •How do these apply to different issues and situations •What are the most common difficulties that parents face at different stsges? •How can these difficulties be overcome? •What is important for a parent should keep in mind during engagement? •What would be an appropriate time and frequency for engagement? Based on your findings reflect on how you can improve your engagement with each member of the family?

33. Q & A

34. Some Common Approaches for Reflection • Set up Rituals –They help to set the platform for dialogue • Develop Skills –Learn how to communicate with different members • Increase Sensitivity –Observation, listening and timing very important • Be Alert –To changes in behavior, interests and friends change • Be Aware –Of the environment that family members spend time • Friend Circle –Be in the know of the friend circle of family members • Maintain Contact –Constant interaction helps to catch issues in time