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LOVING & LIKING

LOVING & LIKING. THEORIES OF LOVE. STYLES OF LOVE (Lee) Primary Styles Love of Beauty Playful Love Companionate Love. OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE PRIMARY STYLES Obsessive Love Realistic Love IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN IDEAL? Altruistic Love. TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg).

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LOVING & LIKING

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  1. LOVING & LIKING

  2. THEORIES OF LOVE • STYLES OF LOVE (Lee) • Primary Styles • Love of Beauty • Playful Love • Companionate Love

  3. OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE PRIMARY STYLES • Obsessive Love • Realistic Love • IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN IDEAL? • Altruistic Love

  4. TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE (Sternberg)

  5. TRIANGULAR THEORY COMPONENTS: • Intimacy • Passion • Commitment

  6. DISTINGUISHING LIKING AND LOVING • PASSION VS. REWARDS (Berscheid & Walster) • FRIENDSHIP VS. LOVE (Davis & Todd) • LIKE, LOVE, IN LOVE (Lamm & Wiesmann)

  7. “CLOSENESS” IN RELATIONSHIPS • FEHR’S RESEARCH • Trust • Caring • Honesty • Friendship • Respect

  8. MAXWELL’S RESEARCH • Separation Distress • Sharing of Attitudes, Values, Interests • Naturalness • Similarity • Following (Seeking out and spending time with) • Giving and Receiving Help • Communicating About Important Issues

  9. ATTACHMENT STYLES • SECURE • AVOIDANT • ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT

  10. CONCLUSIONS FROM STUDIES OF LIKING & LOVING • LIKING AND LOVING DIFFER • In Degree - Shared Characteristics Vary In Intensity • In Kind - Have Different Characteristics • Over Time • EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IS USUALLY GREATER FOR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS --ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE PERCEIVED THREATS TO THE RELATIONSHIP

  11. PASSION & PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL IS A PRIMARY DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC OF EARLY ROMANTIC LOVE • LIKING & LOVING SOMETIMES OVERLAP (E.g. Friendship Component of Love) BUT MAY NOT • LONG LASTING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS LIKELY TO HAVE A STRONG FRIENDSHIP COMPONENT TO THEM

  12. CHARACTERISTICS OF CLOSENESS ARE MORE LIKELY TO CUT ACROSS MANY TYPES OF LIKING AND LOVING RELATIONSHIPS

  13. COMMUNICATING CLOSENESS • DIFFICULTY NOT SURPRISING • Overlap of features in various types of intimate relationships • Multiplicity of terms used • Potentially ambiguous referents • AMBIGUITY INHERENT IN DIALOGUE ABOUT INTIMACY CAN BE USEFUL OR PROBLEMATIC

  14. SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASSOCIATE DIFFERENT TYPES OF BEHAVIOR WITH PARTICULAR TYPES OF INTIMACY--E.g., • Husband: “I work late because I love you.” • Wife: “You work late because you don’t care about our relationship.”

  15. SOMETIMES PEOPLE AGREE ON THE TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHICH CHARACTERIZES A CLOSE RELTIONSHIP, BUT THAT BEHAVIOR IS DESTRUCTIVE--E.g., • Husband: “You make and serve me a lot of rich food because you love me.” • Wife: “I agree.”

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