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Parenting Teenagers

Parenting Teenagers Challenges facing youths today Understanding youth trends Understanding our teenagers Youths at risk How to love our teenagers SHERMEEN TAN 18 years working experience worked with families, youths and families Corporate trainer

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Parenting Teenagers

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  1. Parenting Teenagers • Challenges facing youths today • Understanding youth trends • Understanding our teenagers • Youths at risk • How to love our teenagers

  2. SHERMEEN TAN • 18 years working experience • worked with families, youths and families • Corporate trainer • BA, MBA and Diploma in Montessori method of education • EQ coach and Behavioural Consultant

  3. Introduction • 15 – 29 years • 13-18 years old • At what age do we really have to take note? • Parenting teenagers perplexing?

  4. Challenges facing our teenagers • Complex world • Different from those of their parents • Changing landscape

  5. Challenges facing our teenagers • Family : • Increasing female participation – more mothers working • Increasing smaller extended family • Both parents working • Increasing divorce rates • Decreasing family size

  6. Challenges facing our teenagers • Education : • Increasing educational level • Students spend more time at school • Large emphasis on education • Immense pressures and stress

  7. Challenges facing our teenagers • Work : • Knowledge-based economy • Increase foreign talents • Overseas work • Retrenchment and uncertainty • Part-time work

  8. Challenges facing our teenagers • Leisure : • Increasing affluence • Influence of internet and media • Peer relationships are formed

  9. Youth Trends • National Youth Council – survey • Findings : • Strong relationships between youths and parents • Easier to communicate with mothers than fathers • Generation gap

  10. Youth Trends • Do not talk to parents about BGR • Parenting styles – high support-high challenge leads to competency and well-being • Friends as emotional support

  11. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes • 2 major issues : • Self-definition – Who am I • Independence

  12. Understanding our teenagers • Erikson – Identity crisis • Bandura – Storm and stress • Tension, dependency, conflicts, peer groups, fads and relationships

  13. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes : • Physical and Mental • Teenage clumsiness • Sexual characteristics are developing • Intellectual growth spurt

  14. Understanding our teenagers • Great changes : • Age of reason • Think logically • Thinking about sexuality and marriage • Questioning about the future

  15. Understanding our teenagers • Implication: • Scenarios are different but means of expression is the same : • Music, dance, fashion, fad and relationships

  16. Understanding our teenagers • 3 key questions : • Change of our roles - control and nag • Our new roles - friend, confidante, coach and facilitator • set clear boundaries wrt time, money, friends and behaviour

  17. Understanding our teenagers • 3 key questions : • Academic change - outsource • distance in relationships • different religious inclination - independent thinking

  18. Youths at risk • 3 indicators : • how teenager is using his time • how he is using his money • unpredictable behaviour

  19. Youths at risk • Dysfunctional families/ families under stress • Parents marital relationships • Wrong/unhealthy peer groups

  20. Youths at risk • Smoking • Substance abuse • Juvenile delinqency • Suicide rates ( 2 per month ) • Protection orders • Sexuality

  21. Youths at risk • 16% of youth population • majority are mainstream teenagers

  22. How to love our teenagers • Desire to feel connected, accepted and nurtured by parents • Love, listen, communication, empathy and bonding

  23. 1st Language of love • Words of affirmation • Praise – sincere and specific • Praise both efforts and results • Words of affection • “ I love you “

  24. 2nd Language of love • Physical touch • Hugs, kisses, strokes, massage, arm wrestling • Slaps, pushes, shaking, hitting, shoves, choking – abusive • Do it privately • Do not touch when teenager is angry

  25. 3rd Language of love • Quality time/activities • Togetherness • Guidelines : • Maintain eye contact • Listen and give full attention • Listen for feelings • Observe body language

  26. 3rd Language of love • Refuse to interrupt • Ask questions – 5Ws and 1 H • Express understanding • Use I statements • Different levels of Communication

  27. 4th Language of love • Acts of Service • Service – true expressions of emotional love

  28. 5th Language of love • Gifts • Visible, tangible evidence of love • Underserved gift

  29. Discovering your teenager’s love Language • Ask questions • Observe • Experiment

  30. Conclusion • Every year, ask : • What/how is my teenager feeling? • What/how is my teenager thinking? • How is my teenager behaving?

  31. Conclusion • Communication – listen, empathy, bonding • Give them space but with boundaries • EQ for parents • Multiple intelligence

  32. Conclusion • Character development/right values • CCA • community service/church activities

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