Ways to Improve the Primary, significant gift of your story.

1. Ways to Improve the Primary, significant gift of your story. Revision

2. Scene versus Summary • Rob was 17 years old, and he had been dating Susan for 2 years. The last month has been difficult for both of them since Susan cheated on Rob with Martin. Martin is Rob’s best friend. • How can we turn this into a scene? • 1 Minute.

3. Scene versus Summary The school cafeteria was a swarm of noise: shouts, slaps, laughs. The smell of charred burger patties drifted over Rob’s head as he spooned his chili, playing with his food but not eating it. He was watching Martin, 4 tables away as he joked with his jersey wearing teammates. Susan kissed Rob on the neck, put her arm around him. “Not hungry, babe?” Susan said. “Nah,” Rob said. “Funny how Martin doesn’t hang here anymore.” Susan released Rob and slowly pulled apart the foil wrapper of her chicken sandwich. “What do you mean?” Susan said. “Where were you last Tuesday?” he said. “What’s up with this question?” she said. Rob scratches his chin while staring at her forehead. Martin approaches the two of them, and hugs Susan. Susan has one arm huging Martin and the other holding the table. “how are ya’ll two love birds doing.” Rob shakes his leg as if he is in a freezer. “The love birds are singing great”. Martin massages his neck while he says “ that’s great”.

4. A daughter telling her mother she is pregnant. (As a class-Disneyland) Gestures, dialogue, sensory details. Write a SCENE: I was standing in line with Susan, my mother. The kids here are so annoying. They’re climbing all over the railing like spider monkeys, and they’re screaming like they just got their balls crimped with a clothesline. The sweet smell of churros made me sick, and this ugly ass French man smelled like onions. My mom was fanning her face with her hand, like that’s gonna do anything. Mr. Kim, my science teacher told me that just makes you hotter. Uh, duh. “Mom, how old were you when you had me?” I said. “Why is it so hot today?” she said. “Were you like 21?” “Mmm…not exactly.” “Mom, I’m pregnant.” She put her hands on her hips, angled her head as if to study a booger on my nose. “We are NOT having this conversation now,” she said. She then pulled out a package of gummy bears.

5. Scene versus Summary Take the following summaries and convert them into scenes. Gestures, setting, sensory details, dialogue, tension…all the good stuff on the rubric.

6. Scene versus Summary Take the following summaries and convert them into scenes. Provide setting, sensory details, dialogue, tension…all the good stuff on the rubric. • Mary fought with her mom all the time, especially in the car right before she was dropped off. • Steve loved his son, but had a hard time showing him. Steve wasn’t good with words, and usually never told his son how proud he was. • All year long, Jen wanted to run away from home because of how unfair her parents were to her. They provided her with food and shelter, but utterly neglected any other aspect of her care. They never talked to her.

7. Scene versus Summary Mary fought with her mom all the time, especially in the car right before she was dropped off. The car eased to a stop at the circle drive, the brakes squealing. The car smelled of citrus and pine, mixed with cigarettes. Mary’s mom had quit for a month, but the smell still stained the interior. “I’m just saying. He hasn’t passed his classes last semester. Mary. He has a tattoo of a dragon on his face,” Mary’s mom said. “So now you start judging people. What was dad like before he left you?” Mary said. “We’re talking about you, Mary. And leave your father out of this,” Mary’s mom said. “Didn’t dad have like a drinking problem? You know, running over a bicyclist in front of the police department is probably worst than getting a ‘D’ in Algebra.” A car honked lightly behind them. Mary brought her backpack up to her chest, holding it tightly as if in a menacing embrace. She stared off ahead. “I’m just worried,” Mary’s mom said. “And I’m worried about you, mom. When will you just let it be?”

8. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama • Take out your 5 page short story draft. • Finish 2 pages by the end of class.

9. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama All stories need a small drama, a small story nested inside the BIG story. SPECTACLE Example: War, Fight, Car Crash, Screaming match between student and teacher, House fire, Flood, Earthquake, Dam breaking. Small drama Example: Broken relationships, between father and son, between daughter and mother, etc., Absent family member, unloving family member.

10. Earthquake The walls thudded as if a row of children punched the wall. The blinds shook, and the dishes crashed onto the tile floor, and Rex, the pitbull, howled and barked in a frenzy. My mom ran to the living room. “Levantate, mismijos!” My little bro Randy gripped the doorway, his feet lodged into the corners. “This is what Mr. Kim said. Grab one you asshole!” I dove under the table, not because I’m scared, but it’s just the right thing to do. “Mijo! Get out!” My moms grabs Randy from behind, sheltering his head. “Get off me!” Randy says. When the shaking stops, the lights from the ceiling sway. Freaking dad. I mean, I know I’m supposed to respect him, but he’s not here. “Dad’s a punk,” I said. “Mijo…don’t say that,” mom said, getting off Randy. “Yeah, you ass,” Randy said. “Don’t say that.” “Doucher-dad,” I said.

11. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama John flung open his driver’s side door and rolled out of his car at thirty miles an hour, the world tumbling, his arms slapping the asphalt in rapid cycles until his body slid into the grass. His car drove off, the door open, over the ledge of Highway One. Amid the thunderous surf, he could hear the screech of metal as his car hit the rocks below. (SPECTACLE)

12. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama John flung open his driver’s side door and rolled out of his car at thirty miles an hour, the world tumbling, his arms slapping the asphalt in rapid cycles until his body slid into the grass. His car drove off, the door open, over the ledge of Highway One. Amid the thunderous surf, he could hear the screech of metal as his car hit the rocks below. (SPECTACLE) He dusted his cell phone, but it was cracked, the circuit board showing. He rose and instantly collapsed. His right ankle was the size of a softball. Just twenty feet away was an emergency phone, the blue light pulsing. He crawled his way there, and dialed his wife’s number. He hasn’t been coming home until 10pm every night. His wife was not home tonight, and he had taken this drive to clear his mind. “Hello?” a voice answered. “It’s me. Where are you?” he said.

13. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama John flung open his driver’s side door and rolled out of his car at thirty miles an hour, the world tumbling, his arms slapping the asphalt in rapid cycles until his body slid into the grass. His car drove off, the door open, over the ledge of Highway One. Amid the thunderous surf, he could hear the screech of metal as his car hit the rocks below. (SPECTACLE)

14. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama John flung open his driver’s side door and rolled out of his car at thirty miles an hour, the world tumbling, his arms slapping the asphalt in rapid cycles until his body slid into the grass. His car drove off, the door open, over the ledge of Highway One. Amid the thunderous surf, he could hear the screech of metal as his car hit the rocks below. (SPECTACLE) He dusted his cell phone, but it was cracked, the circuit board showing. He rose and instantly collapsed. His right ankle was the size of a softball. Just twenty feet away was an emergency phone, the blue light pulsing. He needed to call his dad. He crawled his way to the phone, but all he got was the emergency operator. “Please, connect me to my dad,” he said. “Sorry, sir. Just tell us where you are. Has there been an accident?” “No. I mean yes, but can you connect me to my dad first?” “Sir, please calm down.” “Tell Dad I forgive him. But not now.”

15. Spectacle vs. Smaller Drama Lamar head-locked Aaron and took him to the ground, Aaron’s sweat slippery between Lamar’s elbow and forearm. The smell of fruit shampoo emminated from Aaron’s luscious hair. The security guard came and wrenched them apart. “Do you know what your parents would say, Lamar?” the security guard said. “Don’t you talk about my parents,” Lamar said. “Hey, hey, your dad wouldn’t like this,” the security guard said. Lamar screwed his face and burst into tears. Aaron, his face gashed and bruised, turned away from Lamar and said, “Tsss.”

16. Richard Basuche Quote • Make it up. The real energy of a good story is often what is made up in it. The imagined life is what is REALLY worth living. There is something so sweetly energizing about the act of imagining; and imagining is finally how we reach across the chasm of difference with others. Often the confrontation with 'the other,' is the most genuine of the psyche's reactions to experience.

17. 1st TYPED draft due Friday, 9/27/13 • Double spaced • Titled • Dialogue properly formatted. • Indented 5 spaces • “I went to the store,” he said. “I did.”