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Coaching Presence. As a coach, the most important gift we can give our client, is the gift of Our Authentic Presence. What is Coaching Presence. One of eleven of the core ICF competencies and is at the center of great coaching.
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Coaching • Presence As a coach, the most important gift we can give our client, is the gift of Our Authentic Presence
One of eleven of the core ICF competencies and is at the center of great coaching. ICF Definition: Ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident. The coaching relationship between a client and a coach is a process of co-creation. Both the client and the coach need to be fully present for a coaching session to produce fulfilling results for both parties. A sense of trust, intimacy and connectedness between the coach and the client is vital so that they may “dance” together in the moment an and be in sync with each other.
Is present and flexible during the coaching process “dancing in the moment The coach is devoid of intention, agenda or personal gain. The coach is simply there with the client in a meaningful, deep exchange. Practice listening more fully. Listen with soft eyes, ears, entire body, pick up on nuances. Accesses' own intuition and trusts one’s inner knowing – “goes with the gut” By being present one can access their own inner guidance and be led by their heart. There is an aspect of “let go and let god” here where the coach trusts the process and utilizes instinct and their sense of connectedness. From this place of being, a coach can be truly authentic and integrated with the client.
Is open to not knowing and takes risks By trusting the process, removing any agenda and forgetting the ego, a coach is able to go with the flow. There is an element of free falling, really trusting that the right questions, the right words, the right silences will present themselves, naturally without effort. This may feel risky to some coaches because it is about allowing, rather than controlling. This means the coach’s focus is truly with the client in that moment and there are no distractions form the coach’s own mind, their fears or intentions.
Sees many ways to work with the client, and chooses in the moment what is most effective A coach who is truly present will have access to perfect timing, perfect resources and a shared vision with their client. They are not consumed with their own thoughts of adding value or being right. They are there with the client and know when a question, comment, or silence will be most appropriate and effective. There is a sense of clarity and calm.
Uses humor effectively to create lightness and energy Someone who is present and connected has the ability to energetically influence another. Whether it is lifting their vibration, holding to a positive mindset or encouraging the client to rise to the level of their positive expectation. By introducing lightness it contributes to the client releasing any resistance and introducing a sense of forward momentum and ease. One of the great aspects of Humour- it allows us to look at things in dispassionate ways and find the apparent contradictions as they are- which can tickle the funny bone. There are stories of zen masters giving out a hearty laugh after hitting "satori"/realization and laughing at themselves for taking world and things too seriously all along.
Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments with new possibilities for own action Trusting the process enables a coach to feel more confident with their client. This in turn facilitates a fluid and flexible exchange where the coach feels encouraged to experiment with coaching tools.
Demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions and can self manage and not be overpowered or enmeshed by client’s emotions This is where emotional intelligence comes to the fore. Self confidence and self – management are important traits for a strong coach. In working with emotional intelligence, Goleman describes people with self confidence as people who “present themselves with self assurance, have presence, and can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right. They are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties or pressures”
Doug Silsbee in his book “Presence Based Coaching ” defines coaching presence as a “state of awareness, in the moment, characterized by the felt experience of timelessness, connectedness and a larger truth” Exhibiting coaching presence as a process is essential because it: Helps create a space where the client can go deep inside to dig out their innermost gifts and resources. This is critical to create a different frame of reference where solutions emerge. It supports co-creation of the relationship. The coach follows the client’s agenda and are ready to experiment and explore vulnerabilities. The coach smoothly glides through with agility, innovation and mutual learning.
Helps establish authenticity in the coaching process and relationship. The coach moves to a state like unconscious competence in learning and coaching. The very essence of coaching presence will allow the client to lower their guard and explore the gifts and resources deep within. The coach helps the client explore and experiment with various thoughts, ideas and plans. The coach is fully and deeply listening, without judgement. With coaching presence the coach transcends from “doing coaching to “being” coaching. It allows the client to connect with a deeper self (being) from the superficial one (doing). It also contributes to a higher order trust and leads to superior and lasting outcomes.
Coaching Presence helps develop presence in the client too. Research into client behavior establishes that they start to unconsciously develop their own presence, thereby moving from quick fixes to permanent solutions.
What is it like when someone is fully present with you? What is the impact on you? Remember a time when you felt fully present with someone. What did that feel like in your body? How did you come present or remain present.
Spontaneity Experienced coaches often refer to “the dance” they have with the client when they are present. When coaches are demonstrating strong presence they find themselves having effortless access to skills, knowledge and coaching techniques all in ideal timing. They do not need to try. They do not need to ask themselves “What do I say/do now? They are simply there in the moment, truly present, trusting the process and demonstrating faith in their clients’ potential.
Spontaneity Damion Wonfor Performance Coach says “ Learning to BE there with the client (sometimes in silence), so that they can learn to be present with their own experience and feel it fully, is a great gift for the client. It is a very subtle kind of modelling which gifts a client, contact with their inner life and consequently, independence from the coach’s perception. It is truly empowering”
Ease and Flow When a coach is in a state of presence there is a sense of ease and flow. There is trust and stillness. Time passes quickly and the coach does not have to expend a huge amount of energy, if a coaching session leaves a coach feeling exhausted then it is likely they have been efforting too much.
Respect Coaching presence shows the client that the coach cares enough to be 100% focused on them in that moment, they are supporting them and batting for them, “Trust is generated through the authenticity of the coach being there in the moment fully committed to them and the potential of them being together whilst maintaining a deep focus and awareness as though they were both at the center of the universe “ Damion Wonfor Performance Coach
Optimal Experience Coaching presence produces optimal states and experience for the coach and client. Conscious awareness and presence can help the coach to bring the client into a resourceful state by engaging them to go deeper. T his can mean the difference between a good coaching session and a great one, or transactional work as opposed to transformational work. The foundation of good coaching is the understanding that the client is already the expert and the coach is the conduit for learning “ the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach’s job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has” (ICF 2006)
Distractions of the mind Stress, time constraints, distractions, children, worries, fears and concerns are just a few examples of distractions which can negatively influence a coach’s ability to focus on the client. This of course is not an exhaustive list of possible distractions. An inability to quiet the mind will hinder the coach’s ability for mindfulness and presence,
Fear and Self Doubt A lack of confidence can lead to coaches over-thinking the process and trying to assert some control or structure in the coaching session. This might stem from a fear of not adding value, not knowing what to say or not being sure of how to help the client. As a result the coach might be pre-empting what to say and formulating responses rather than being truly present.
Ego Misguided coaches may want to advise, instruct or guide the client met because they feel that they as coaches have all the answers. While their intentions may be pure, the coach must remember that the client is the expert and they must come to their own conclusions. Attempting to control or direct the discussion will prevent the coach form being truly present, as their mind will be focused elsewhere. Sometimes the ability to remain silent is of greatest value. A coach who is truly present will know when it is appropriate to remain silent since they are completely immersed in the exchange and listening deeply.
Coach’s own values and beliefs Coaches might inadvertently allow their own experiences, biases, values, beliefs or judgements to enter the coaching exchange. A good coach will have the self awareness to realize this and regulate their emotions and responses accordingly. If a coach is truly present with the client, and is there for the client it is less likely that the coach’s own views will surface.
Emotional, Social and Spiritual Awareness Presence has roots in emotional, social and spiritual acuity. If the coach has the self awareness to regulate their emotions, responses and their mood they will be placed to understand when they are feeling less than centered. The coaches are then able to step back and determine ways to bring themselves around to being more present.
How is your coaching presence now? What supports and nourishes it? What do you want your presence to be? What’s the gap you are bridging? What gets in the way of you being present? How do you want to be with yourself as you practice becoming more present?
Grounding and Centering Grounding and exercises are useful for getting your body, and subsequently your mind calm and quiet. Reaching for awareness of their bodies, the sensation of ones feet on the floor or clothes against one’s skin, can help ground coaches and remind them of the present moment. Focusing on the trunk/core of the body can also help to increase the sensation of being centered. A coach may want to offer short grounding exercise at the beginning of each session.
Planning and Intention – Setting When preparing a coaching session both the client and the coach should allow ample pre-session time to clear out all other distractions and center themselves. To do this the coach might introduce a system of pre-planning where the client completes a form in advance and then sends it to the coach prior to the session. The form could help both the coach and the client to identify what might be addressed and what outcomes are desired in the session. Such a form can create an opportunity for self – reflection and awareness. A coach might also invite the client to participate in an activity that calms them prior to commencing the session e.g. a walk , writing in a journal, listening to music or meditating
Breathing A coach may want to offer short breathing exercise at the beginning of each session Meditation Meditation is well known for its calming effect on stilling the mind and self regulating thoughts. In a coaching context this applies to the senses of awareness and mindfulness with the client. By meditating prior to a session a coach might be able to enhance their ability to concentrate wholly on the client. A coach may want to offer short meditation exercise at the beginning of each session.
Mindfulness Mindful coaches are able to create a space of connection and neutrality with the client. They are dancing in the moment completely immersed in the subject at hand, Mindfulness describes a state of mind in which you observe thoughts, emotions or actions without judgement as they pass through your awareness Mindfulness techniques can assist the coach to still their mind and focus on bringing the client into a state of awareness.
Awareness and Reflection Through paying attention and reflecting, coaches can develop their self awareness so that they can identify when they are affected by interferences and distractions which impact their potential as a coach e.g. being aware of the difference between how it feels to be focused and present vs feeling distracted and rushed and noticing the impact that has on the coaching process.
Coaching environment A coach may find that different coaching environments affect their overall ability to be present. This may refer to the delivery mode of the session, i.e. phone or face to face or it might even mean the décor in the coaching setting. Some environments may be more conducive to the process than others and both the coach and the client need to determine what works best for them The coach should make adjustments to the coaching environment in accordance with what will enhance their concentration, privacy, focus and presence
Visualization Some clients or coaches may like the idea of visualization or guided imagery to take them to a mental state where they feel grounded, relaxed and present. The coach may offer the client a chance to participate in a visualization exercise. This might not appeal to all clients so it would be best put forward as an invitation/offer, which the client could accept or decline.
Creative Visualization : Shakti Gawain The Mindful Coach : Doug Silsbee Presence Based Coaching: Doug Silsbee One Minute Breathing exercise You tube
Professional coaches know the importance of being skilled at Coaching Presence- being fully present. This fundamental and powerful skill can make or break a coach/client relationship. Being fully present means listening to understand and asking open ended questions to help your client explore himself/herself more deeply Remember it is not about you the coach. The client is in the lead with the coach as a solid support partner
Silence is okay Often we feel the need to fill in the gaps during a conversation. Being truly present may involve periods of silence, which a coach can do intentionally to allow the client more space to share what is on their mind. Listen to understand Effective coaches practice Active Listening – Listening with the expectation of hearing something new or surprising Tell your truth Coaching presence means the coach calls out what they are observing and trusts their intuition to support the client in gaining clarity, increasing self awareness and finding the right solutions.
