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Discover why siblings fight, learn positive techniques for parents, explore alternative expression options, and gain helpful phrases to diffuse conflicts. Dive into tips, competition effects, and Q&A to enhance family dynamics and foster understanding.
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Stop the Bickering! Getting a Handle on Sibling Rivalry Zoë Mount, MFT
Agenda • Why do siblings fight? • Common techniques parents use and alternatives • Tips • Competition • Alternative avenues for expression • Helpful phrases • Q&A
Why do siblings fight? • Get Attention! • Keep their position in the family • Assure themselves that they’re loved
Techniques I won! I lost Common “I don’t care who started it” Alternative “I’m sure you can settle it yourselves” Our parents have faith in our abilities.
Techniques Common “I love you both the same” Alternative “I love you for who you are” (no mention of sibling) I’m not loved for myself She loves me for me!
Techniques Yes I do! You don’t understand! Common “You know you don’t mean that” Alternative “It sounds like you’re very upset right now” You get it!
Tips • Never make comparisons • You are always safe staying with feelings • Avoid labels
Solution focused meetings • Good for child/child complaints as well as parent/child issues • Call family together • Explain problem in non-blaming terms • Write down all possible solutions with no judgment • Go through final list and find most workable solution
Competition: some thoughts Benefits • Kids work harder • Kids ‘push’ each other
Competition: more thoughts Drawbacks • Children will fight • Children will feel less secure
Competition: final thoughts • Cooperation reduces bickering, increases harmony. Try • Emphasizing working as team • De-emphasizing win-lose scenarios
Alternative avenues for expression Both children and parents can: • Draw • Write • Play
Helpful phrases for parents • “It sounds like you’re feeling….” • “I bet you wish….” • “I know you can…”
A copy of this presentation • This presentation is available on the web at www.zoemount.com for your future reference.