TITLE: Conflict: When our personal desires outweigh our desire for God

2. TITLE: Conflict: When our personal desires outweigh our desire for God TEXT: James 4:1-12 THEME: The believer should humbly submit before God to overcome destructive conflict.

4. Swiss watch market • 1968 they had a 65% market share. • Earned an estimated 80% of profits in this arena. • The gold standard of what a timepiece should be. • All watches were mechanical.

5. Swiss watch market • 1978 they had less than 10% market share • The quartz movement dominated the industry. • It was electric and far more accurate • Known throughout the watch-making world as the "Quartz Revolution" • Between 1970 and 1988, Swiss watch employment dropped from 100,000 to 30,000.

6. The need for this new way of thinking is no more evident than in how we perceive and manage conflict

7. “Should the believer use violence as a means to pursue a legitimate end?”

9. How should you respond to destructive conflict?

10. I. Recognize the source of conflict. (1-3)

11. James 4:1-3 1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.

12. James 4:1-3 You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

13. I. Recognize the source of conflict. (1-3) A. It comes from within you.

14. I. Recognize the source of conflict. (1-3) A. It comes from within you. B. It comes from your strong desires.

15. Desire • The Greek word is “epithumia” • It simply means desires or strong desires. • These desires are amoral which means that are neither right nor wrong. • These can be perfectly legitimate desires

16. I. Recognize the source of conflict. (1-3) A. It comes from within you B. It comes from your strong desires C. It comes from wrong motives

17. Conflict • Feeling threatened when someone may withhold or remove something you strongly desire. • The key word is “a threat.” • We feel threatened and become desperate and then act on that desperation

18. H Newton Maloney Conflict as “a desperate feeling that leads to a drastic action.”

20. How should you respond to destructive conflict?

21. II. Recognize the nature of your motives (4-6)

22. James 4:4-6 4 You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us?

23. James 4:4-6 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

24. II. Recognize the nature of your motives (4-6) A. They supersede your love for God. Here is the crux of the problem.

25. II. Recognize the nature of your motives (4-6) A. They supersede your love for God. Here is the crux of the problem. B. They create hostility between us and God. .

26. II. Recognize the nature of your motives (4-6) A. They supersede your love for God. Here is the crux of the problem. B. They create hostility between us and God. C. They produce pride.

27. Pride is the heart of the problem. • Everything becomes about you. • People, and even God, are expected by you to aid in the fulfilment of your desire. • It is about fulfilling your needs and your desires • that you use it to satisfy your pleasures.

28. The x axis: Cooperativeness Cooperativeness

29. The ygraph: Assertiveness Assertiveness Cooperativeness

30. The Conflict Graph High Assertiveness Low High Cooperativeness

31. The Turtle: Avoid High Assertiveness Turtle Low High Cooperativeness

32. The Teddy Bear: Accommodate High Assertiveness Teddy Bear Turtle Low High Cooperativeness

33. The Fox: Compromise High Fox Assertiveness Teddy Bear Turtle Low High Cooperativeness

34. The Shark: Aggressive Shark High Fox Assertiveness Teddy Bear Turtle Low High Cooperativeness

35. The Owl: Collaborate Shark High Owl Fox Assertiveness Teddy Bear Turtle Low High Cooperativeness

37. How should you respond to destructive conflict?

38. III. Submit to God (7-10)

39. James 4:7-10 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

40. III. Submit to God (7-10) A. Resist Satan-Draw near to God.

41. III. Submit to God (7-10) A. Resist Satan-Draw near to God. B. Change your hearts: purification and mourning.

42. III. Submit to God (7-10) A. Resist Satan-Draw near to God. B. Change your hearts: purification and mourning. C. Humble yourself before God- He will lift you up.

44. APPLICATION 1. Distinguish between problem solving, which is comparatively easy, and conflict management which is personal and threatening.

45. APPLICATION 1. Distinguish between problem solving, which is comparatively easy, and conflict management which is personal and threatening. 2. Identify what it is that you want so badly that it would cause you fight for it.

46. APPLICATION 3. Who or what is the threat that you feel is keeping you from getting it.

47. APPLICATION 3. Who or what is the threat that you feel is keeping you from getting it. 4. Ask, “Is my natural style an obstacle to a healthy outcome?”

48. APPLICATION 5. Ask, “Does my desire for this thing outweigh my love and desire for God.

49. APPLICATION 5. Ask, “Does my desire for this thing outweigh my love and desire for God. 6. Seek a win- win arrangement.