The SOCRATES Strategy for Conflict Resolution

1. The SOCRATES Strategy for Conflict Resolution Jennifer Peel GME Office Educational Research & Development Anesthesiology

2. Objectives By the end of this session, participants will be able to: • Recognize approaches to conflict resolution that are counterproductive • Articulate and implement the steps in the SOCRATES Conflict Resolution Process

3. What words come to mind when you think of the word “conflict?”

4. Fight Anger Pain Impasse Destruction Fear Mistake Avoid Lose Control Hate Loss Bad Wrongdoing Most Common What do all of these words have in common?

5. Conflict • Neither positive or negative • Outgrowth of diversity that characterizes our thoughts, our attitudes, our beliefs, our perceptions, and our social systems and structures

6. Five Popular (but ineffective) Approaches to Conflict Resolution • The Conquest Approach • The Avoidance Approach • The Bargaining Approach • The Bandaid (Quick-Fix) Approach • The Role-Player Approach

7. The Conquest Approach • Conflict becomes a battle to win, a struggle to gain advantage in the relationship or to attain dominance in the relationship. • They try to weaken the other party, assuming that the other party’s weakness will somehow make his or her own strength greater. What’s wrong with this approach?

8. Sets a pattern in which power is understood and used in destructive ways • The “conqueror” usually has a distinct advantage in determine the outcomes • Polarizes positions and greatly restricts options for resolving conflict • Does nothing to improve the relationship

9. The Avoidance Approach • Tempting to believe that conflicts will just go away if we pretend they do not exist What’s wrong with this approach?

10. Postpones dealing with the conflict and usually allows it to worsen • Frustrations are usually exacerbated by avoidance and misperceptions go unclarified • Denies parties in conflict the opportunity of using their differences to clarify their relationship and to open their minds to the possibility of improvement

11. The Bargaining Approach • “Bargainer” sees conflict resolution as a game in which portions of demands and interests are traded and success is defined by how much each party concedes • Often glorified by calling it compromise or negotiation What’s wrong with this approach?

12. Focuses on demands each party is making while ignoring the needs, perceptions, values, goals and feelings that are at the heart of the people involved • Defines power in terms of what one party can either coerce from the other

13. The Bandaid Approach • Typically avoid getting into areas they fear will expose their personal vulnerabilities that might suggest a definite need for improvement in some aspects of their behavior What’s wrong with this approach?

14. Creates an illusion that the fundamental problems of conflict have been addressed • Often produces or heightens a lack of confidence in conflict resolution • Disempowers all parties because they do not develop a process they can use effectively in future conflicts

15. The Role-Player Approach • Rather than relating to others as people, they relate only from a persona: boss to employee, teacher to student, parent to child, etc… • When people act only from their roles, those in roles of lesser status and power will usually be further disadvantaged. What’s wrong with this approach?

16. Can perpetuate an unfair relationship or system and block needed changes in that relationship • Cheats the process out of the valuable contributions a person in the less socially powerful role can make • Options for resolving the conflict are greatly restricted • Creates an adversarial relationship

17. Self-Assessment • What conflict management style do you usually use here at work? • What conflict management style do you usually use at home? • Do they work?

18. Summary • How we understand conflict influences how we approach conflict resolution. • Conflict is an outgrowth of diversity and differences. As such, conflict is not always negative. • Conflicts are not always limited to battles between interests and desires.

19. Conflict Resolution: Five Basic Principles • WE, not I versus YOU • Conflicts are dealt with in the context of the overall relationship • Effective conflict resolution should improve the relationship • Effective conflict resolution results in mutual benefits • Relationship-building and conflict resolution are connected

20. SOCRATES: The Steps • Symptoms • Origin • Choices • Ratings • Action Plan • Try it! • Evaluation • Savor & Salvage

21. Symptoms (conflict identification) • Admit and accept that you have a conflict. • Gather as much information as you can about the problem.

22. Perceptions of the Conflict The conflict is only one part of the relationship, and that you need to deal with each conflict in the context of the overall relationship. Know what the conflict is really about rather than assuming that only your own preconceived notions constitute the conflict.

23. Origins • Consider the history of the conflict, its evolution over time. • Examine perceptions, needs, values, goals.

24. Perceptions of the Self Honestly look at yourself, what you really need, what your goals for the conflict and the relationship really are, and what you have done to contribute negatively to the conflict.

25. Perceptions of the Self Identify and clarify any misperceptions the other person may have of you and how your behavior may have contributed to those misperceptions.

26. Perceptions of the Other Party Try to understand your conflict partner: what they need, why they are behaving as they are, and what positive potential they have in the midst of the negative aspects we see in the behavior.

27. Perceptions of the Other Party Use well the communication skills of listening, sensing, and asking clarifying questions. Message Sender (speaker) Receiver (Listener) Understanding

28. Communication Skills • Listening • Questioning • Nonverbal • “I” Statements

29. Listening • The most important skill in communication • Listen more effectively: • Reflecting • Validating • Reframing • Showing empathy • Summarizing

30. Effective Questioning • Used to help a receiver understand a message • Gathering needed information • Understanding facts of past events that let to the present situation • Understanding the consequences or results of the situation • Focusing attention on a particular angle or topic • Directing the path of the conversation • Encouraging something to think about an issues in a different way

31. Ineffective Questioning • May place the receiver on the defensive, thus hindering communication • General rules: • Ask only essential or necessary questions • Be aware of how many questions are asked • Avoid questions beginning with “why” • Avoid double or multiple questions in order to allow the receiver to respond to one question at a time • Be aware of the tone of voice in which the questions are asked

32. Nonverbal • 90% of all communication is conveyed through nonverbal means, with only 10% of communication being in spoken words

33. “I” Statements • “I feel (state the feeling) when people (the action) because (reason)”

34. Recognize the buttons and vulnerabilities in yourself and your conflict partner, and avoiding using them as weapons.

35. Dealing with Personal Needs • Looking at the current conflict, are any of my needs being ignored or obstructed? If those needs were being met, would there still be a conflict? 2. Have I made the other person aware of my needs, and have I clarified those needs so that they can be understood?

36. Dealing with the Other Person’s Needs What do you need as an outcome of our dealing with this conflict?

37. Dealing with the Needs of the Relationship While focusing on the needs of the self and of the other person in specific situations of conflict, we must also diligently pay attention to the needs of the overall relationship. Sometimes particular personal wants or needs may not seem as critical when the needs of the overall relationship are considered.

38. Dealing with Shared Needs How do you need each other in order for you and your relationship to strengthen and improve?

39. Choices • Free-flow optioning

40. Ratings • Identify viable options • Meets one or more shared needs • Meets one or more individual needs that are not incompatible with another’s • Has the potential of improving the relationship • Can at least be supported by all parties • Identify criteria for determining whether you have been successful in resolving the conflict

41. Action Plan (Steps) • Stand a good chance of being accomplished • Do not favor one party at the expense of others • Require participation of all parties • Meet one or more shared needs that are not incompatible with others’ needs • Builds trust, momentum and confidence

42. Try it!

43. Evaluate • Periodically evaluate interim results. • Compare the outcomes to the criteria you developed. • Give each other feedback on what you are doing that is working and what is not. • Make midcourse corrections where needed.

44. Savor & Salvage • Summarize what you learned from the conflict and the process of resolving it. • Celebrate your success or start all over again.

45. SOCRATES: The Steps • Symptoms • Origin • Choices • Ratings • Action Plan • Try it! • Evaluation • Savor & Salvage