Parenting Workshop Adolescent Hood

1. Parenting WorkshopAdolescent Hood Mary Ann Bishay mbishay1@yahoo.com

4. What is Adolescence? • Time of transition and change • “Adults in training” • Incredible changes that involve many areas of her life: neurological, hormonal, emotional, social, and spiritual

5. Adolescent Psychosocial Development • Teenagers are seeking autonomy • They are separating from their parents in order to establish identities of their own and their own value system

6. Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory • Individuals progress through eight psychosocial stages during the life span • Defined by conflict involving the individuals relationship with the social environment • Erikson believed that a healthy personality depends on acquiring the appropriate basic attitudes in the proper sequence.

8. Identity versus Role Confusion • “Who am I” • For the first time adolescents are seriously looking to the future and considering an occupational identity • Identity crisis

9. Adolescent Egocentrism • Imaginary audience • Personal fable

10. Common Adolescent Disorders • Opposition defiant Disorder • Conduct Disorder • ADHD • Depression • Eating disorders • Anxiety Disorders

11. Adolescent Cognitive Development • Corpus callosum • Intelligence, consciousness, and self awareness • Prefrontal cortex • Emotional control, impulse restraint, and rational decision making

12. “How can I be a successful parent”? God's word provides the best way to raise children.

13. God’s Word For Parents • “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.” (2 Timothy 3:16) • Raising godly children is a good work, and the Scriptures instruct us in righteousness and equip us for good works. (2 Timothy 3:16,17 )

14. “How can I be a successful parent”? • Key to raising kids is to have a plan!

15. “How can I be a successful parent”? • What are your goals for your kids? • God’s Goal for Your Children • The Main Goal Is to Train Children to Serve God , So They Can Receive Eternal Life. • What are your goals for yourselves as parents?

16. God’s Goals for You As A Parent • “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) • “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

17. God’s Goals for You As A Parent • “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” (Genesis 18:19) • Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” (Psalms 34:11)

18. God’s Goals for You As A Parent • Joshua declared, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15) • “Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:15)

19. God’s Goals for You As A Parent • “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him." (Genesis 18:19) • “In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end. For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knows; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever.” (1 Samuel 3:12-14)

20. Generation Gap • The distance between generations in values, behaviors, and knowledge, marked by a mutual lack of understanding • Often time the generation gap can be problematic to families. It can cause misunderstandings, confusion to each individual in the families behavior, etc • Its important to be aware of these gaps and the difficulties and challenges that may arise due to these gaps

21. What your teen is thinking… 1. “If my parents would just leave me alone, everything would be fine.” 2. “My parents are so out of touch” 3. My parents are control freaks 4. “All my parents care about is…”

22. Signs that teenagers are feeling frustrated and hurt. • She continually tells you that it doesn’t matter when you let her down. • He overreacts to seemingly neutral comments • She goes out of her way to avoid you • He tells you about his friends’ parents who are “so cool.” • She abandons any efforts to gain your approval • He insists that everything is fine when his appearance and actions suggest otherwise.

23. What your teen is thinking… 5. “They don’t even know me”

24. Self Esteem • How often do you tell your children you are proud of them? • There is a drop in self esteem beginning at age 12. • Encouragement vs. criticism

25. Your contribution to building self Esteem • Use praise liberally • Do you interact with your teen more through criticism than anything else? • Catch your children being good • Set achievable and reasonable tasks for your children

26. Your contribution to building self esteem • Ask for their opinions • This lets them feel that they’re being helpful, and that you respect them and are open to their thoughts • Look for areas where they excel • Teenagers are pleased to learn that their opinions matter to you! • When they are convinced that you’re genuinely interested in what they think, they are more likely to share their thoughts and ask you for your own opinions. Not to mention raise their self esteem!

27. Adolescent suicide • Suicidal ideation • Parasuicide • Warning signs • Use of drugs • Giving away prized possessions • Saying contacts • Talking, writing, or listening to music with death themes

28. Internet • The internet has been linked to • teenage depression • isolation • suicide risk. • Teens are creating “cyber relationships” to supplant “real time relationships” • Pornography

29. Peer Groups • Vital source of emotional support and approval • Adolescents are not assigned to peer groups at random, they usually choose to associate with those similar to themselves

30. The Power of Peer Pressure • Social pressure from members of your group to accept certain beliefs or act in certain ways in order to be accepted • “The Nurture Assumption”, by Judith Harris • Time • your teen’s peers get 21 hours, on average

31. The Power of Peer Pressure • Kids usually seek out other kids who are similar to themselves • Internal similarities such as sharing feelings of anger, depression, self loathing, or social isolation. • Similarity of painful life experiences, like self absorbed parents, broken homes, or an inability to do well in school.

32. The Power of Peer Pressure • The acting out is only a symptom of the real problem. • Is the issue peer pressure or emotional pain?

33. What the Bible tells us about choosing our Peers • 1 Corinthians 15:33 - Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits." • Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

34. What You, As A Parent Can You Do • Have a PLAN! • Get to know your children's friends. Have them visit in your home • Know the people your teens will be with, where they are going, when they'll be back, etc. • Train your children, from a very early age, to choose the right kind of friends

35. What You, As A Parent Can You Do • Give your children opportunities to associate with other teens you approve of • Train your children to talk about the gospel with their peers • Children should learn to invite other children to Bible classes, discuss right and wrong, set up Bible studies, etc. • If parents determine some young person is a harmful influence on their child, they have every right to intervene • intervene if you must in a wise way

36. Problems Teens Face at School • * Lying* Profanity, dirty jokes, etc. (students and teachers)* Drinking* Violence and fighting (students with students or with teachers)* Immodesty, lack of dress codes* Coed gym - immodest uniforms* Smoking* Peer pressure/bad crowds

37. Problems Teens Face at School • Drugs (7 of 8 students personally knew children who used drugs). • Ridicule and making fun of children who are good or different • Gossip, slander • Cheating • Stealing and vandalism • Dancing • Disrespect for teachers and parents • False goals (popularity, wealth)

38. Problems Teens Face at School • Classes that justify evolution, abortion, homosexuality, situation ethics, contraceptives, divorce, premarital sex, disrespect for parents, etc. • Reading assignments with immorality, violence, etc. • Sexual promiscuity - petting at school, pregnant girls, children talking openly about sexual relations, everyone expected to do it, etc. • Schedule conflicts with church activities

39. Entertainment: Television, Movies, and Music • Drug and alcohol abuse • The occult - witchcraft, Satanism, astrology, sorcery, etc. • Violence, murder, suicide • Sexual promiscuity - fornication, adultery, homosexuality, immodesty and even nudity • Profanity, cursing, obscenity • Rebellion against parents, government, God and the Bible

40. Television • The average American watches TV 50 hours per week - ten hours more than the average workweek • A study of 58 hours of prime-time TV revealed: 5 rapes, 7 homosexual acts, 28 acts of prostitution, 41 examples of sexual relations between unmarried people. But this study was in 1983! • It has been estimated that, by the time the average child reaches age 18, he will have witnessed more than 15,000 murders on TV or in movies.

41. Television • In 1991 the National Coalition On Television Violence estimated that, if TV violence had never been introduced, each year the US would have 10,000 fewer murders, 70,000 fewer rapes, 1,000,000 fewer motor vehicle thefts, 2,500,000 fewer burglaries, and 10,000,000 fewer acts of larceny. Crime rates would be half what they are now.

42. Movies • Here is a survey of the contents of PG and PG-13 movies in 1988: • Nearly 1/4 have the "f-word.“ • 61% take God's name in vain. • 71% contain vulgar references to excretion, intercourse, or genitals. • 50% imply sexual intercourse • 13% show intercourse • 30% show explicit nudity • 75% include moderate or severe violence • 74% depict alcohol or drug abuse

43. Parental Relationships: Their quality and influence

44. Parental involvement is a key ingredient in fostering adolescents’ success

45. God: Our true parental example • The Scriptures often compare God's relationship to His children to a father‘s relationship to his earthly children. (Matthew7:9-11, Hebrew 12:5-11)

46. God: Our true parental example • “This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.” (Joshua 1:8)

47. Types of Parenting Styles • Authoritarian • Authoritative Parents • Permissive Parents

48. Authoritarian • Authoritarian parents make the rules, expect unquestioned obedience from their children, punish misbehavior (often physically), and value obedience to authority. Rather than giving a rationale for a rule, authoritarian parents consider “because I said so” as a sufficient reason for obedience. • Parents using this parenting style tend to be uncommunicative, unresponsive, and somewhat distant. • One research study found that preschool children disciplined in this way tend to be withdrawn, anxious, and unhappy.

49. Authoritarian • Associated with low intellectual performance and lack of social skills, especially in boys. • Extreme Authoritarian parents, often, if not blindly obeyed, tend to respond with anger, which has potentially negative long term consequences. • Anger is precisely the wrong emotion to direct at children if they are to thrive, to achieve to be well adjusted and happy, and to become effective parents in the next generation.

50. Authoritative Parents • These parents set high but realistic and reasonable standards, enforce limits, and at the same time encourage open communication and independence. They are willing to discuss rules and supply rationales for them. • Knowing why the rules are necessary makes it easier for children to internalize them and to follow them, whether in the presence of their parents or not. • Authoritative parents are generally warm, nurturing, supportive, and responsive, and they show respect for their children and their opinions.