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Chapter 10

Chapter 10. Intimacy. Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy. Sullivan’s theory of interpersonal development Emphasized the social aspects of growth Psychological development can be best understood in interpersonal terms

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Chapter 10

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  1. Chapter 10 Intimacy

  2. Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy Sullivan’s theory of interpersonal development Emphasized the social aspects of growth Psychological development can be best understood in interpersonal terms Theory focuses on transformations in relationships with others Four stages of interpersonal needs over the course of adolescence

  3. Theoretical Perspectives on Adolescent Intimacy Sullivan’s developmental progression Infancy: need for contact and for tenderness Early childhood: need for adult participation Middle childhood: need for peers and peer acceptance Preadolescence: need for intimacy Early adolescence: need for sexual contact and intimacy with opposite-sex peer Late adolescence: need for integration into adult society

  4. Attachment in Adolescence Attachment is defined as a strong and enduring emotional bond (usually formed first in infancy) Four types of attachment based on security Secure – characterized by trust Anxious-avoidant – characterized by indifference Anxious-resistant – characterized by ambivalence (also called anxious ambivalent) Disorganized/disoriented – characterized by a swinging of mood – one day happy one day angry/distant

  5. Attachment in Adolescence An “internal working model” of relationships develops during childhood Do we feel trusting or apprehensive in relationships with others? Do we see ourselves as worthy of others’ affection? Working models provide a set of expectations we draw from when forming close (intimate) relationships

  6. How Does Intimacy Develop in Adolescence? Changes in the display of intimacy Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion

  7. Sex Differences in Intimacy Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ Both sexes have equivalent degrees of intimate knowledge about their best friends Girls disclose more to their friends BUT when boys are with their friends, they are just as likely to share each other’s emotional state Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends Girls are more concerned with trust and loyalty Boys and girls express intimacy in different ways

  8. Selectivity and stability of friendships • Handy playmates • 4-7 years • Mutual trust and assistance • 8-10 years • Intimacy, mutual understanding and loyalty • 11 years and up

  9. Sex Differences in the Nature of Conflicts Between Close Friends During Adolescence • Boys • Conflicts persist for shorter periods of time • Typically over issues of power and control • More likely to escalate into physical aggression • Usually resolved without any explicit effort • Girls • Conflicts persist for longer periods of time • Typically about betrayal in the relationship • Only resolved when one of the friends apologizes

  10. Changes in the “Targets” of Intimacy Sullivan hypothesized that intimacy with peers replaced intimacy with parents Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaced intimacy with same-sex friends However, research shows that new targets of intimacy are added to old ones

  11. How Does Intimacy Develop in Adolescence? Changes in the “targets” of intimacy Teens experience different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers Parent-adolescent relationships Imbalance of power, teens receive advice Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges

  12. Dating and Romantic Relationships in Adolescence High school dating no longer functions as mate selection, now recreational Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months: 25% of 12-year-olds reported having one 50% of 15-year-olds reported having one 70% of 18-year-olds reported having one

  13. Dating and the Development of Intimacy • Sullivan’s theory of interpersonal development • Attachment theory • Ecological perspective • Girls • Cross-sex relationships may provide a context for further expression of intimacy • Boys • Cross-sex relationships may provide a context for further development of intimacy

  14. Dating and the Development of Intimacy Dating can mean a variety of things Group activities involving boys and girls Casual dating in couples Serious involvement in a steady relationship Transitions into and out of romantic relationships can be difficult for adolescents Breakups are the leading cause of depression

  15. Changes in Dating During Adolescence • Goals change throughout adolescence • Early: recreation, group activities, shallow intimacy • Gradually look for more intimacy • Relations with parents and friends contribute to internal working models for dating

  16. Dating Problems • Too early dating • Drug use, sex, delinquency • Poor academics • Abuse • Mental-health problems (depression/anxiety( • For those who prefer same-sex dating • Finding partners • Peer harassment, rejection

  17. Dating and Romantic Relationships in Adolescence Three phases of adolescent romance 1) discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners Relationships last a few weeks 2) move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships Relationships last about 6 months 3) begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships Average relationship is over a year

  18. The Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development Positive impact of participating in mixed-sex activity in group situations Impact of more serious dating is complicated Early starters (before age 15) True for both sexes, but research has focused on girls Less socially mature, less imaginative, less oriented toward achievement, less happy with who they are and how they look Late bloomers Adolescents who do not date at all show signs of less mature social development and feelings of insecurity

  19. Violence in Dating Relationships Between 1/5 and 2/3 of adolescents experience violence in a romantic relationship Males and females are equally likely to be the victim Victims are more likely to be depressed, contemplate suicide, use illegal drugs, become pregnant during adolescence, and drop out of school

  20. Violence in dating relationships • Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend

  21. Sexual pressure in relationships • Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in relationships reported going further sexually than they wanted because of pressure • Half of girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relation would end if they did not engage in a sexual relationship with partner

  22. Violence in dating relationships • Does one person in the relationship: • Insult their significant other? • Become overly jealous when significant other talks to others? • Check on them constantly? • Blow disagreements out of proportion? • Break or hit things to intimidate others? • Blame others for their problems?

  23. Dating violence • Does one person in a relationship: • Constantly cancel plans? • Always worry about making their significant other angry? • Give up important things? • Show signs of physical abuse? • Become isolated from friends/family?

  24. Cycle of Violence

  25. Cycle of Violence • Tension-Walking on eggshells • Explosion-Incident of abuse • Honeymoon-Love, hope • Hook-Abuser apologies but blames the victim

  26. Financial Children Fear She loves him Blames herself Embarrassed She’s tried before Immigration Issues Disabilities She’s isolated Religious Beliefs Being Outed No Guarantee Promises Why the Victim Does not Leave

  27. Some Characteristics of Abusers • Personality Background • Abusers often suffer from low self-esteem, and insecurity. They feel a need to be in control, and display this characteristic through periods of violence alternating with periods of “affection” and “compassion”. • Abusers frequently present themselves to the outside world as “gentlemen”. This façade often makes it difficult for others to recognize the controlling tactics used by the abuser. • Abusers frequently lack the capacity for delayed gratification, and are “NOW” oriented. “I want what I want, now!” This evidences their “self-centeredness.”

  28. Characteristics Continued • Personality Background (continued) • Formalized guilt and remorse are not generally found in abusers. They often present with a pseudo-remorse stage that immediately follows their abusive actions, or persists as long as there is an ongoing legal issue. This is generally an abusers attempt at a “quick-fix” for the immediate problem. • A lack of empathy for their actions against the victim is another common characteristic of abusers. If empathy is present, it is generally superficial and demonstrated as a means of reducing responsibility for their actions.

  29. Why victims do not report abuse • Retaliation • Fear of being judged • Fear of not being believed • Does not want to see abuser punished • Embarrassment • Financial concerns • Victim does not have time alone from abuser

  30. Separation Violence • The most dangerous time in a relationship is when the victim tries to leave. • The abuser has to work harder in order to know where the victim is, who she is with, and what she is doing. • In order to gain back control, the batterer will begin to survey the victim and harass her. Most domestic homicides occur during the separation period.

  31. Dating violence • When an abusive relationship ends, that does not mean the violence will end. • When the abuser feels as though the relationship is really over, this is the time where violence may escalate

  32. Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development Qualities of adolescents’ relationships with others are correlated Example: Adolescents who have supportive and satisfying relationships at home are more likely to have high-quality friendships and romantic relationships

  33. Intimacy and Adolescent Psychosocial Development During adolescence, friends: serve as sounding boards for future plans provide advice on a range of identity-related matters contribute to adolescents’ self-esteem Individuals with satisfying close friendships do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able to make and maintain close relationships with others

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