Revising tell to show

1. Revising tell to show Paint a picture in your reader’s mind

2. The girl cried a lot.

3. 1, What are more specific words I could use for girl? 2, What are some other more specific words that mean cry? 3. What are some other ways to say “a lot?”

4. The toddler bawled uncontrollably when the storekeeper took the display doll out of her hands. The princess whimpered into her handkerchief when she realized that she had lost her crown.

5. Rewrite the following as “showing” sentences 1, The boy nervously waited for the bus. (What did his body do?) 2. The cat did the trick correctly. (Describe the cat’s actions.) 3. The river went over its banks. (Use a more specific verb.) 4. The man chewed the meat. (What did the man’s mouth and teeth do?) 5. The teacher was frustrated. (How did she display her frustration?) 6. The flower blew in the wind. (Use specific vocabulary and describe how it blew.)

6. Freedom Ride 2 With my head pushed forward like the bow of a boat, I pump my bike fast and hard into the park. Whoosh! My tires press against the hot blacktop, while cool air brushes my face. Like a ribbon, the bike path loops around the picnic area, through the golf course, and along the river, carrying me effortlessly over hills and around curves. Acres of autumn trees flash a colorful border just outside my focus. A songbird races alongside me, but soon falls behind and veers into the woods. The sun plays peek-a-boo jumping out from shadows right in front of me. Push. Speed. Exhilaration. My heart beats in rhythm with my pedals and I realize that this is what freedom feels like today. Freedom 1 I lean forward on my bike and pedal fast. My tires move over the pavement and the wind hits my face. The path goes around the picnic area, golf course, and river. Many colorful trees are on my sides. A bird is next to me, but then it goes away. The sun moves in and out of shadows. It’s fun. My heart goes fast and so do my feet. Freedom.

7. What Can You Do to Include More Show, Don’t Tell? 1, Use images that appeal to the five senses. (Taste, touch, smell, feel, hear) 2. Describe what a person does instead of saying what feeling he or she has. 3. Select strong, active verbs that help paint a picture in your reader’s mind. 4. Include the actual thoughts or words spoken when you can. 5. Read your writing to a friend and ask for four specific places where your writing is “showing” rather than “telling.” 6. Use similes or metaphors wherever possible to enhance imagery.