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6. Deal Constructively with Negative Feelings. When feeling resentful, think about how to CHANGE things Recognize the anger-guilt-anger cycle Forgive oneself for being angry Distance oneself from the situation (figure out what caused the anger)
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6. Deal Constructively with Negative Feelings • When feeling resentful, think about how to CHANGE things • Recognize the anger-guilt-anger cycle • Forgive oneself for being angry • Distance oneself from the situation (figure out what caused the anger) • Decide how one can respond more constructively next time
6. Deal Constructively with Negative Feelings • Hold family meetings to resolve conflicts • Don’t dwell on one’s shortcomings. Recognize accomplishments as a caregiver
7. Talking to older parents about independence • Conversations about this can be hard and uncomfortable • Always plan in advance • Approach the subject indirectly • Be direct, but not confrontational • Watch for openings • Share own feelings about parents’ changing life
8. Make a list • Consider giving a list of questions or concerns and schedule a time to talk. • This lets them think about the kinds of help they may need and prepare for the conversation.
9. Dealing with resistance • Some resistance to talking about independence is normal. • Hold a family meeting where everyone can discuss concerns and jointly develop a mutually agreeable plan. • Look for community resources that can help a parent remain independent (e.g. transportation, home health care, meal delivery). Share options with them.
10. Focus on key points • Guessing about parents’ wishes for their future can lead to bad mistakes. • Ask them about their own thought about their current needs and concerns, worries about the future, and hopes and goals for their older years. • Focus talks on major areas.