Relationship Building NTA August 2, 2012

1. Relationship Building NTA August 2, 2012

2. Build and Nurture Relationships:Rationale

3. Relationship Rationale: • Harvard’s Jacqueline Zeller (2008) found that positive relationships between students and teachers increased learning and decreased the need for behavior management. • Pianta (1999) found that positive relationships between students and teachers (defined as those which had minimal conflict, high support, and low dependency) increased social skills, academic performance, academic resilience, and adjustment to school

4. Relationship Rationale: Klemm and Connell (2004) found that positive relationships between teachers & students: 1. Decreased school avoidance 2. Increased self-direction 3. Increased cooperation 4. Increased engagement 5. Increased motivation

5. Relationship Rationale: • Baker (2006) found that teacher-student relationships are important to virtually all students. However, high quality teacher-student relationships appear to be most significant for children who are “at risk” for school failure. • Phelon (1992) found that it is not uncommon for students failing most courses to earn As and Bs in courses for which they have a positive relationship with the teacher.

6. Relationship Research: • For every negative classroom interaction, you should have 3-5 positive ones to maintain a positive climate and prevent misbehavior (Sprick, 1998). • Barriers and Builders from Relationship-Driven Classroom Management (Vitto, 2003) *assuming vs. checking *rescuing/explaining vs. exploring *directing vs. inviting *expecting vs. celebrating *adultisms vs. respecting

7. Relationship Rationale: • Testerman (1996) did a survey of drop-outs and found that they rated ‘teacher interest in his/her students’ as poor – fair at an average rate of 55%!!!

8. Intermittent ‘Close’ Partner #1: Explain THREE SOLID REASONS WHY should teachers care about building positive, productive relationships with their students as part of their craft? Partner #2: Give TWO TANGIBLE METHODS to build relationships with students.

9. Build and Nurture Relationships Methods

10. The Relationship Business:Pat Quinn • Dial #3: 31.00 – 45:50 • Identify the three essential elements of this motivational dial. • Rate yourself for each of the elements on a typical grading scale.

11. Safety in Your Classrooms:Pat Quinn • Watch the 11 minute clip about Dial #2: Safety (45:50) • Identify the three principles of Dial #2 as you watch. • Be prepared to discuss.

12. Intermittent ‘Close’ Partner #1: Share TWO USEFUL IDEAS you are taking away from the PQ clips and explain how you will use them. Partner #2:Add ONE MORE USEFUL IDEA you are taking away from the PQ clips and explain how you will use them.

13. FISH for Educators!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be there. • To just actively listen. • To listen and act/solve. • To uncover needs. (snow day) • To offer support. (Mary) • To welcome. (dropout) • To be observant. • Greet them at the door.

14. FISH for Educators!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Play. • Edutainment! • Multiple intelligences • Student choices • Learning games • Contests • Humor • Celebrations/awards • Songs/videos • Labs and projects

15. FISH for Educators!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make Their Day. • Think Love Languages! • Nice emails/letters • Show up at events • Gifts • Earned awards • Compliments • Whole class treats • Field trip • Special tutoring/help

16. FISH for Educators!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Choose Your Attitude. • Physical facility • Positive trait challenge • Problems vs. opportunities • Model positivity • ‘Yes . . . AND’ (no ‘yeah . . . buts’) • MIH!!!!!!!!!!!! • Team strengths vs. weaknesses

17. Intermittent ‘Close’ • List the four key elements of FISH! • Briefly describe each FISH! element • Place a star next to the element of FISH! you think is most important – and explain how you will focus on it Block 1.

18. True Colorswww.truecolorstest.com

19. True Colors: BLUE • Focus: people, relationships, and fostering growth. Nurturers and connectors • Friendly, helpful, empathetic • Optimistic • Fosters/maintains harmony Communication tips: • Acknowledge/show appreciation • Include them • Invite vs. order

20. True Colors: GOLD • Purposeful and plan ahead • Rules/procedures oriented • Detail oriented • Loyal, devoted, respectful Communication tips: • Be prepared & give details • Stay on target • Show respect • Don’t interrupt • Recognize contributions

21. True Colors: GREEN • Logical, objective • Let by facts, data, and info • Big picture/conceptual • Questioning/critiquing • Can have wry sense of humor Communication tips • Skip the ‘small talk’ • Allow them time to think • Give big picture first, then fill in necessary details • Don’t = ?s with interrogation

22. True Colors: ORANGE • Live in the ‘now’ • Spontaneous, playful • Fast-paced, active, involved • Straightforward Communication tips: • Use sound bites • Allow them to multi-task • Offer options/flexibility • Enjoy their energy/flair

23. Intermittent ‘Close’ • How could True Colors be used to enhance instructor relationships? • How could True Colors be used to boost student EQ? • How could True Colors be used to meet ECAPs needs?

24. 5 Love Languages The way a person communicates regard through speaking, acting, and listening

25. How Can You Identify Yours? • Ask yourself or others: • What types of things are on your ‘do now’ list? • What do others say or do that hurts you deeply? • What do you most often crave or request most from your friends? Colleagues? Parents? Children? Spouse? • What do you most often complain about? • How do you demonstrate your own regard to others? • Rank the five in prioritized order • Fun fact and hint: seldom do a husband & wife speak the same language • Understand that it is rare for a person to be truly ‘bilingual’

26. Examples from SVHS

27. Language #1: Words of Affirmation • Verbal compliments • Words of encouragement or appreciation • Word spoken kindly • Sensitive to tone and word choice • Requests vs. demands • Spoken or written to the person, or about a person

28. Language #2: Quality Time • Giving someone your undivided attention (togetherness vs. proximity) • Quality conversation • LISTENING to verbal and non-verbal language (not problem solving) • Quality activities they enjoy

29. Language #3: Gifts • Visual symbols of love and thought • May be purchased, found, or made • $ is not the issue, rather remembrance • May be a physical presence, if there is a ‘cost’ to the giver

30. Language #4: Acts of Service • Doing things for someone else you know they would like • These acts are designed to make the recipient’s life easier • These things are not ‘demanded’ by the recipient • These gestures can be small or large

31. Language #5: Physical Touch • Physical distance is equated with emotional distance • Not to be confused with sex drive -hand on shoulder -shaking hands -hugging -leaning -high five/fist pump

32. Test Your Knowledge: • A teacher (before this training) reproaches a high school student for ‘being lazy’ who habitually asks others to bring class materials to her. The teacher never meant to stifle her need to feel regard through the language of: • Acts of Service

33. Name the Love Language! • Help your child practice for their sports team • Sit & help your child with homework • Make a snack for a child having a tough day • Carry your child to bed • Help select an outfit for school • Wake up early to make your child a special breakfast • Teach the importance of volunteering and giving • Set out a child’s favorite toys for playtime • Help your child get ready when you’re running late • If your child is sick, rent them a special movie, read a favorite book, or make a beloved comfort food • Connect your child with an expert in a hobby, instrument, or sport in which they show interest

34. With your ‘precision partner’ list 10 ‘Acts of Service’ you could perform for your students at SHS.

35. Test Your Knowledge: • Your oldest child doesn’t feel you like him. . . despite the fact that you constantly tell him how wonderful he is. He complains to a grandparent that you are always answering phone calls when you go on outings together. He most likely speaks the language of: • Quality Time

36. Name the Love Language! • Include your child on daily errands or during routine chores • Make eye contact when this child tells you something important • Cook together • Crouch down to this child’s eye level to communicate when they are small • Give cameras to record important memories • Dine together • Plant something together • Create an event scrapbook or a memory collage as a gift for this child • When multiple children are in this family, set aside one-on-one time with this child • Ask specific questions about this child’s day • Play with them!! • Create traditions • Take family vacations or outings • Make bedtime a ritualized, together activity

37. With your ‘precision partner, list 10 ways you could provide ‘Quality Time’ to your students

38. Test Your Knowledge: • Many Leona school leaders use the ‘respond to all’ feature in their email responses when they are commenting positively to a colleague’s announcement about a student or program success story. • Words of Affirmation

39. Name the Love Language! • Put a post-it in this child’s lunchbox with a loving or encouraging message • Draft personalized, thoughtful cards to accompany gifts to this child • Go out of your way to give verbal or written compliments . . . publicly or privately • Leave short notes for your child if you have to go out of town for each night • Use a loving nickname for your child • Say ‘I love you’ as often as possible • Display their artwork and schoolwork publicly • When a child makes a mistake or fails, verbally recognize a positive aspect of their effort or intentions • Create an ‘encouragement jar’ for this child

40. Test Your Knowledge: • Many Leona school leaders use the ‘respond to all’ feature in their email responses when they are commenting positively to a colleague’s announcement about a student or program success story. • Words of Affirmation

41. With your ‘precision partner’, list10 ways you could speak ‘Words of Affirmation’ to your students

42. Test Your Knowledge: • Dr. Coats sent Lisa a artful arrangement of spring flowers this week to thank her for her hard work and leadership • Gifts

43. Name the Love Language!*‘overboard’ distortions of this language can be damaging* • Keep a small collection of inexpensive trinkets to give to a child when you sense a need • Select very thoughtful presents for special occasions for this child • Carry snacks or treats out and about that you can give to this child • Start collecting special/fancy wrapping materials for presents • When away from home, mail a special card or package to the child • Serve after school snacks on a special plate • Make up a special song just for your child • Hide a small present or note in your child’s lunchbox • Find personalized items with your child’s name on them to present to them on a rough day

44. With your ‘precision partner’, list 10 ways you could offer ‘Gifts’ to your students at SHS.

45. Test Your Knowledge: • You are uncomfortable on your first trip to Italy because complete strangers, upon meeting you, kiss each of your cheeks after shaking your hand. Because this custom feels awkward to you, your languages is NOT: • Physical Touch

46. Name the Love Language! • Give hugs, kisses pats on the back, shoulder rubs, head taps • Provide a soft item to the child to soothe them • Stroke this child’s hair or rub their back while going to sleep • Snuggle on the couch while watching TV • Buy a ‘touch-lovely’ gift for this child, like a plush bear or a soft sweater • Read stories with your child on your lap • Do activities together that require clapping, touching, spinning, or jumping • When this child is ill, spend extra time holding them and providing comfort • Family group hug! • Give gentle zerberts • Hold hands during family prayers

47. List 5 school appropriate ways you could address the needs of ‘Physical Touch’ students

48. A Moment for Reflection

49. Intermittent ‘Close’ Think-Pair-Share • Discuss WHAT love language you think you speak, and tell WHY and be prepared to share with the whole group.

50. YOUR CHALLENGE: Person(s): Strategy: Rationale: 1st hour kids Greet all at door FISH! Be there LL Words of Affirmation Newbie Bring classroom tools FISH! Make Their Day LL Gifts Draft a MIH Relationship Plan for this upcoming year that targets both students and colleagues for YOU Name the relationship building tools we discussed today: Consider drafting a ‘whole campus’ relationship plan?