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Falling…

Falling…. i n Love. What does it mean?. love's sweet mysteries. language of poets, romantic novels and mystics, art and music descriptive of its exquisite rhapsodies it is in the realm of the unknowable , the unimaginable too large, too deep to be limited by the framework of words .

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Falling…

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  1. Falling… in Love What does it mean?

  2. love's sweet mysteries • language of poets, romantic novels and mystics, art and music • descriptive of its exquisite rhapsodies • it is in the realm of the unknowable , the unimaginable • too large, too deep to be limited by the framework of words

  3. Love as a Human emotion • needs to be unpacked as part of the repertoire of human behaviour • much more than feeling • love is volitional • has the potential to be misused and abused • complex and amorphous human experience

  4. Love – a misused english word ! • love God – love mud cake • love the bush – love my wife • sacrificial love • making love • love your enemy • falling in love

  5. Love deified! • uniquely religious connotation • God is Love ……Love is God • is the ‘summumbonum’ • “human loves that become gods do not remain loves although still called so” (C.S.Lewis) • such loves become demons • discounted by the empirical sciences • sacrilegious to dissect

  6. What is Love Eros Storge Philia Philanthropia Agape ?

  7. Storge - affection • parenting instinct independent of biological sex • taken for granted and can ‘rub along’ • paradox of ‘need-love’ and ‘gift-love’ • desperate desire and demand for love • threatened by change • destructive violation of boundaries

  8. Philia - friendship • least natural, least instinctive and uninquisitive • exalted in ancient/medieval times: trivialized in some contemporary societies • the focus is not the individual but a common intent • provides mutual affirmation and companionship • offers emotional and physical support • potential to create dependence and unrealistic expectations • school of virtue or vice

  9. Eros-love of partner • sex- a legitimate expectation • physical closeness • mutual pleasuring highly valued • degrees of exclusiveness • depth of emotional sharing • commitment to parenting • trust and risk • risk of ‘fusion illusion’

  10. Philanthropia – love of humanity • awareness of our brotherhood/sisterhood • acceptance/validation of difference • divergent thinking and open dialogue • genuine concern for oppressed, deprived marginalized • commitment to action and reconcliation • dangers of bias and stereotyping • manipulation for personal gain and reward

  11. Agape – Divine Love • God’s love of humankind and the cosmos • human loves at best can only be glorious images of Agape • it is something humans can strive towards but never quite get to ‘in this life’

  12. LOVE OF SELF • self worth, self esteem, self efficacy • autonomous self • care for self • discovering one’s unique potential • awareness of strengths and weaknesses • making growth oriented choices • based on self sufficiency not deficiency • risks of self centeredness and narcissism

  13. Academic study of love • the human race is programmed to fall in love • why we fall in love and how we fall in love • romantic love is universal as well as a many splendoured body language • falling in love with love stimulated by brain chemicals – phenylethylamine (PEA), dopamine • similarities between love and obsessive-compulsive disorder- serotonin imbalance

  14. Triangular theory of love [Sternberg, 1989] COMMITMENT LOVE INTIMACY PASSION Love as socially constructed is composed of certain thoughts, feelings and actions

  15. INTIMACY • closeness • trust • respect, high regard • bondedness • connectedness • companionship • sharing

  16. PAssion • desire • romance • attraction, physical affection • affiliation • sexual interaction

  17. COMMITMENT • decision • boundary setting • investment • goal setting • choice • power • positive interactions

  18. INTERACTIVE MODEL • love is to be found at the intersection of these components; it is a complex whole • differ in terms of their properties • differ in terms of stability and predictability • differ in terms of control and awareness • differ over time within a single relationship • differ across relationships at a given time • differ in terms of psycho-physiological involvement

  19. True love? BEING LOVE freedom responsibility space trust empowering letting go DEFICIENCY LOVE demanding possession jealousy resentment manipulation dependence

  20. FINAL WORDs! • to love is to be vulnerable • love is much more than an enthusiastic emotion • love is learned and maintained through ceaseless practice • love cannot be bought or sold • love cannot be weighed or measured • love cannot be captured or held • love is about making choices • to be loved you must be lovable

  21. Falling in love is one of the greatest risks any one of us can take. There is no safety net for this high-flying circus act. You rely on the other guy in Spandex to be there to grab your hands mid air. Sometimes they are just not up to it. Or the timing is all wrong. Or they are off with the sword-thrower’s assistant. So you better start learning to flap Kathleen Noonan –Courier Mail’

  22. Thank You ! k.misso@qut.edu.au

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