Empathy in the Context of Humanistic Psychology

Empathy in the Context of Humanistic Psychology By Lou Agosta, PhD www.ListeningWithEmpathy.com LAgosta@UChicago.edu Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Agenda • Distinctions • Methods • Dynamics • Applications • Case History Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Existential circle of empathy Empathic Understand ing Possibilities Vicarious experience Empathic interpretation Empathic listening Empathic receptivity Point of view Hermeneutic context of distinctions Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Existential therapy: boundary situations • Irv Yalom: • Death • Freedom • (Existential) Isolation • Meaninglessness • Karl Jaspers: • Death • Struggle • Guilt • Fortune (chance) Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Existential Boundary situations [continued] • Others: • Well being (health versus illness) • Relatedness • Suffering • Trauma • The point? The boundary situation provides structure for shared experiences, possibilities, and understanding – i.e., empathy Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Definition: Being • Being is what provides the context for meaning – the source of meaning (not the meaning itself) • Being relates closely to the source of possibility • Example: being as the presence of nature; being as a well-ordered cosmos; being as ultimate life force; being as struggle between love and death Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Definition: Death • Human beings have a relationship to death and make it mean something • Physical demise: biology stops working • Relationship to the inevitable fact of the above – human beings are time-limited • Inauthentic: something that happens to other people all the time and to me “some day [but not really]” – doesn’t matter • Authentic: The possibility of no more possibility that I carry with me at all times Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Parallel: Dasein confronts death; Dasein confronts the other [person] • Dasein is individualized out of its distractedness of the conformity to the crowd behavior by death [explicit in Heidegger] • Dasein is humanized by its encounter with the other, who gives Dasein its humanness [Agosta’s reading of Heidegger] • Without the other Dasein dies a kind of affective, spiritual death similar to being an emotional zombie to whom nothing matters [Agosta’s reading of Heidegger] Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Reinterpreting Angst in the face of death • The prospect of the loss of the other in the face of death sends the human being fleeing into the distractedness of the “the one,” – the “they self” that goes to parties to forget finitude. • Anxiety in the face of the (negative) loss of the other and a positive respect for the presence of the other are two sides of the same coin and are opportunistically transformed into one another. • Ontically, the infant does not first experience the possibility of death; she experiences being left alone, abandoned by the other, which is like death and puts one at the effect of negative consequences that are all the more dreadful for being unknown. Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Death and the other: individualization and humanization • The self of Dasein is individualized in the face of death • The self of Dasein is humanized in the face of the other • The loss of the other is the loss of humanness, death in life, worse than physical death (“emotional zombie”) • The loss of empathy provided by the other is worse than the death itself Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Empathy gives access to the other… • Yalom: “The proper method of understanding the world of another individual is a phenomenological one” [Existential Psychotherapy, p. 24] • Kohut: “Without empathy the inner life of man is unimaginable” [Restoration of the Self] • Heidegger: “…A special hermeneutic of empathy…” Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Possibility of Heidegger’s Special Hermeneutic of Empathy Individual human being Being together with other X Special Hermeneutic Of Empathy [authentic interrelatedness] Ownmost Possibility Commitment: Being toward death authentic X Caricature Of existentialism Das Man (the one) The “They Self” inauthentic Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Human beings have a relationship with death • Have language and can represent the future, absence, separation, the imaginary • Death is related to pain but is not pain • Pain/suffering of those left behind Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Existentially death means… • Death as an advisor: given finitude, what are my commitments? • Time itself generated by the idea of a limiting experience (death) coming at you out of the future • Birthday • Anniversary of life events • Spike in admission to inpatient hospital around 9/11 • The impossibility of more possibility • Irreversible events (separate, divorce, loss of a loved one) • Commitment (“finality”) Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Death disclosed in Angst … • Obliteration, extinction, annihilation [of the ego (“I”)], ceasing to be • Distinct from fear related to death • Family (survivors) suffering • Sickness, pain Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

How to assuage death anxiety: empathize with…. • The wish to freeze time • The wish to be loved and remembered • The belief in personal vulnerability [Yalom, pp. 46-7] • Devouring jaws of time – recapture the past • Escape from the past – “may you be forever young” (apologies to Dylan) Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Preoccupation with death • Death itself as a symbol for avoiding life • Not really about death • Really about control, separation, denial • Healthy awareness that death is part of the agreement Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Existential Psychotherapy and Suicide • Reasons pro and con … • Meaninglessness [death as an escape] • Pain and suffering [death as an escape] • Life is short [eighty years] – will soon be over anyway – why not live on (?) [caution: do not give this advice to someone on a ledge, thinking about jumping] Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Paradox: Commit Suicide due to fear of death • So afraid of death: driven to suicide • Control asserted • A magical view of death (not real) • Like Tom Sawyer imagining his own funeral • One way of gaining control over death • Hemingway • Bettelheim • Celan Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Angst • Loss of mother, abandonment and separation • Loss of phallus (castration) • Fragmentation • Moral anxiety (conscience) • Self destructive tendencies • Ego disintegration Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Temporal aspects • The neurotic obliterates the present by trying to fid the past in the future. • Yalom, Existential Psychotherapy, p. 161 Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Displacement, substitution and denial (of death) • Obsessive, compulsive disorder (OCD) • OCD: Reaction formation / unthinkable thought – abyssal thought (Nietzsche) • Hypochondria • Depersonalization • Workaholic: A frantic fight with time may be indicative of a powerful fear of death Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Death and depression • Mourning is a normal process • In depression, aggression turns against the self… • The shadow of the object falls upon the ego Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Dramatic form (tragedy)… • The vicarious experience of conflict, discovery, recognition, suffering, and death • Catharsis (abreaction) • The emotions of pity and fear Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

The juggernaut of conformity… • Destruction (loss) of consciousness • Tranquilization (both literal and everyday) • Automatic pilot Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Yalom’s work with cancer patients… • Life takes on new meaning, trivialities fall away just as the person is about to leave it (e.g, due to illness) • Death is not “out there” coming at me … it is in me … it is a structure of my existence at every moment … • How to capture, simulate the life altering experience of a confrontation with death without having a life threatening illness? • Imagine you have a non-symptom aortic aneurism that can burst at any moment [note: does not work with hypochondriacs or those who convert] Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

“I been to the mountain…” • Those who are up to something big do not spend much time contemplating (thinking about) death… • M.L. King • Gandhi • Mother Teresa • Bill (and Melinda) Gates • Abraham Lincoln • Malcom X • Nelson Mandela Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Genealogy of trauma • Shell shock (e.g., 1914- 1918 (WW I)) • War neurosis (e.g, 1939 -1945 / WW II) • The genocide of the Jews, Gypsies, political dissidents did not become the Holocaust until the pursuit of the perpetrators • Physical / sexual abuse • Torture (political / apolitical) • DSM-III (1980) • DSM-IV (1990) • September 11, 2001 Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Anna Ornstein on trauma • “It is not so much what you go through by way of trauma but rather what a person does with it • Anna Ornstein, Holocaust Survivor, author, Through My Mother’s Eyes, Self Psychology Conference, Chicago, 2009 Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Judith Hermann, Trauma and Recovery • Psychological trauma is an affliction of the powerless. At the moment of trauma, the victim is rendered helpless by overwhelming force. When the force is that of nature, we speak of disasters. When the force is that of other human beings, we speak of atrocities. Traumatic events overwhelm the ordinary systems of care that give people control, connection and meaning.” Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Recovered memory… • Something happened = x • Not malingering, not lying • Not factually accurate • Nonsymbolized experience at neuronal level gets expressed using the framework of … the Holocaust, incest, abuse • Example: Binjamin Wirkolmirski’s literary hoax, “Fragments” [see Allen Young, McGill University] Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Tips and techniques… • Follows commitment • Being fully present to the other • A gracious and generous listening, sustained empathic immersion Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Criteria for progress (“cure”) • Symptom relief is not enough • Optimal breakdown of empathy • Responsibility is taken • Expression of commitment is made • The self is engaged • Satisfaction, relatedness, peace of mind are enhanced; worry, angst, stress are contained, reduced or managed Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Case #1: Don’t think about it too much • Successful local entrepreneur, active in community • Hits wall (“deep depression”) year after father dies – significantly cannot give date of Dad’s death – many vegetative symptoms (sleep, appetite, lethargy, leaden limbs) • Treated pharmacologically and with ECT – the “cure” does not stick – told “don’t think too much about what is bothering you” Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Don’t think about it too much [continued] • Father is loving provider but with explosive temper – [repeatedly] chasing patient around the table, catches him, whollops him • Drives him to the local juvenile detention center, threatening to drop him off, gates are closed … gets another chance • Happens repeatedly [age: 6 yo] – laying down a neural pattern Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Don’t Think about it too much [continued] • The father, a deeply depressed man, is not only non-responsive as the son turns to him • Son makes it mean “not loveable,” “what’s wrong with me - I’m broken(!?)” • Blames self rather than the abuser… • Breakthrough: Distinguish: This is what happened and this is my interpretation of it Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Case #2: Watering the tree of my sorrows • Loss of husband in a longtime happy relationship where the wife – was the expressive one in the relationship • Hallucinates husband sitting in a chair next to her • Focuses intensely on the loss over a period of five years, becoming more and more reclusive Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Watering the tree of my sorrows [continued] • Passive demand: do something [ = x] about it!!! Help me!!! • The less ya do, the less ya do… • Avoiding the tough conversation about her own mortality, finitude, inevitable death • Pathogenic idea: You’re next… • Breakthrough when she realized she was adoptive and made it mean she was not worthy Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Watering the tree of my sorrows [continued] • Dream of watering a tree that turns into a carnivorous plant and eats the gardener • Decides to water then tree of her life by writing a biography of her life with her husband for her children Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Case #3: Don’t undress, just tell me about it • Refugee from an overseas conflict – she and her Mom got out just ahead of the paramilitaries • Mom was the abuser – herself in an abusive relationship until the husband (father) stepped in front of a bus – administering daily beatings • In a [verbally] abusive relationship with BF Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Don’t undress, just tell me about it [continued] • Presents as seductive and tough, but actually very limited in her experience [think of the girl in the movie, American Beauty, yet older, not a virgin] • Breakthrough occurs with therapist when he sets firm boundaries: Don’t show me the scar, just tell me about it • Noticeable change in dress (more modest) Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Don’t undress, just tell me about it [continued] • Finds a safe place to discuss what is “abuse” • In spite of feelings of angst about being lonely, ends relationship with abusive BF, going “solo” • Working through the trauma of the relationship with Mom (now deceased) Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Questions? • What are your questions? • Lou has taught philosophy at universities around Chicago including Roosevelt, Loyola, DePaul, St Xavier, and Oakton. He graduated from the University of Chicago with a dissertation in philosophy. His book, Empathy in the Context of Philosophy was published (2010) by Palgrave in the series Renewing Philosophy. Please send comments to LAgosta@UChicago.edu

Empathy in the Context of Humanistic Psychology