Part 1

1. How to Write An (Outstanding, 5-to 6-point on FCAT Rubric!)Expository EssayBased on a manual written by Rob Russo, CRHS

2. Part 1 Writing an Introduction Using the Funnel System

3. What is a funnel? • A conical shape with a wider and a narrower opening at two ends

4. How do we use a funnel to write an (OUTSTANDING) expository essay introduction?

5. Introduction to the Introduction • Every essay needs a beginning. Without a beginning, there could be no middle or end. (Duh, right?) • A strong start is vital for a quality essay. • Introductions should be short and sweet (like Mrs. Waters ). • NO, NEVER, NADA include an explanation or reason in the introductory paragraph!

6. What MUST be in the introduction? • Time Out: Before we go any further (not farther!) in our study of introductory paragraphs, let’s be clear about paragraphs. Every Paragraph Should Have ….. • 3 to 5 sentences, • with every sentence beginning with a capital letter • and every sentence ending with punctuation. • Don’t forget to indent every paragraph! • Now that we have that straight, let’s get to the formula for a killer expository essay introduction.

7. What MUST be in the introduction? The introductory paragraph must contain 2 items: • Your topic sentence (refers to the prompt) • Your position about what’s being asked in the prompt

8. Simply listing these two elements (topic sentence and your position) would make for a “blah” introduction; instead use the funnel system. • The idea of the funnel is to start with a broad, sweeping statement and end by narrowing it down to the topic and position.

9. The topic is the subject given in the prompt and the position is what you think. • 1.The first sentence is vague (unclear, not specific). The sentence simply makes a statement about the topic. • 2. The second sentence starts to narrow the focus and works on bringing the reader to the topic and position. • 3. The third or fourth sentenceclearly states your position. • The next slide shows an example.

10. Throughout my life I’ve been faced with many individual choices and experience. I’ve also thought long and hard about the future and decisions I may make. Where to live, what career to pursue and where I will go to college are just a few. One thing I know for sure though is that being a pet owner is not part of my destiny.

11. Summary How to Write an OutstandingIntroductory paragraph 1.Never give an explanation or a reason in the introduction. 2. Always indent. 3. Be sure the paragraph includes at least 3 to 5 sentences, with all sentences beginning with capital letters and ending with punctuation. 4. Make sure the introductory paragraph contains these two items: A.Your topic sentence (refers to the prompt) B. Your position about what’s being asked in the prompt

12. 5.   Use the funnel system: Sentence 1: This first sentence is vague. It simply makes a statement about the topic. Sentence 2 –3 : These sentences start to narrow the focus and work on bringing the reader to the topic and position. The last sentence : The last sentence clearly states your position. (This makes it easy to transition to supporting your position in the body paragraph and leads to a well written essay .)

13. Confused about the funnel system? Try using these three words: • Most • Some • I Example: Most schools allow students to dress in regular clothes. Some schools have rules to force kids to wear uniforms. I’m glad I get to choose what goes on my body.

14. Avoid repeating words (especially those in the prompt). • Use the prompt to check spelling. If the prompt directs you to write about the cafeteria, spell cafeteria correctly!

15. The essential elements of an outstanding essay Part 2:

16. A student writing an academic essay is similar to a construction worker building a house. Both the student and the worker need to be taught step-by-step how to put together the different elements. Both need to plan before they begin to build. Both need a clear understanding of what the final product will look like before starting to work.

17. Copy in your notes the words that are underlined on the following slides. These are your notes for the quiz.

18. What are the 3 elements of an outstanding expository essay? • Introduction • includes topic and position • Body Paragraphs • 2 well-written paragraphs to support your position • Conclusion • includes the thesis and summary of main points

19. The skeleton of an outstanding essay (Funneled introduction)_________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________ To begin with _________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ Furthermore___________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ Ultimately____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________

20. Body Paragraphs There are four parts to the body paragraph. They are: • Transitions • Statements • Anecdotes (One Time When) • Thesis Tie-ins

21. The first element of the four parts to the body paragraph: Transitions (change or passing from a place, activity, thing, time, etc.) • Transitionsmake sections of an essay flow smoothly. • For the purposes of learning the structure and foundation of a strong essay, at first all students will use the same threetransitions(“To begin with,” “Furthermore” and “Ultimately”). • Later, once students begin to edit and polish their essays, they will use other strongtransitions.

22. Statements The second element of the four parts to the body paragraph: Statements • The “statements” are thevital part of the essay. • The statement or topic sentence reveals to the reader what the paragraphis going to be about. • The statements are the support for your position.

23. An example of an effective statement The topic: Think about whether you would like to be a pet owner or not. Now, write to explain why you would or wouldn’t want to be a pet owner. The position: Either yes or no. In this case, no.

24. This is an example of an effective statement: To begin with, I don’t ever want to own pets because they are way too expensive. An effective statement is very specific and informs the reader beyond any doubt what will be in the supporting paragraph. The author does not want pets and is about to explain why.

25. This is an example of an ineffective statement: To begin with, I don’t want to be a pet owner because they are not for me. The statement is too vague (unspecific). This will make the support weak and unconvincing. (Remember, support is one of the four key elements assessed on the Florida Writes exam.) The writer needs strong reasons why he doesn’t want to own pets

26. On your paper, draw a T-chart. On one side, write “Effective statement.” On the other side, write “Ineffective statement.” • To determine the difference between the two kinds of statements, ask yourself: Will I be able to support this statement with examples? Assignment: Write an example of both using the following sentence starter: To begin with, I don’t want to be a pet owner because ______________________

27. Anecdotes/ One Time When The third element of the four parts to the body paragraph: Anecdotes/One Time When (OTW) • Anecdotes or “one time when’s” are personal stories told to illustrate a point. • OTWs support the statements.

28. Anecdotes/ One Time When • An example of a simple OTW: To begin with, I don’t want to own a pet because they are messy. I remember one time when we got a pet kitten and it shed all over the house and left balls of yarn and shredded newspapers everywhere. It’s no wonder I don’t want another pet.

29. Anecdotes/ One Time When The simple example given is short but it does demonstrate higher order thinking. The topic? Pet ownership The position? No The statement? Pets are messy The OTW supports the author’s opinion that pets are messy.

30. Anecdotes/ One Time When • The following OTW is more sophisticated, although the structure is the same. • When reading it, listen to the sound of the author’s voice. Here how angry he sounds at first and then how relieved he is at the end.

31. To begin withI don’t want to own a pet because they are messy. I remember one time when my Dad came home with a new kitten. At first I acted like any child would. I was so excited and I couldn’t stop jumping up and down. My Mom must have told me to calm down at least five times. But that positive experience changed very quickly into one of total dread. I soon found out that everywhere that kitten went it left a mess behind, and guess who had to clean it up? That’s right, me! Instead of playing video games with friends I spent most of my time emptying disgusting kitty litter and picking up ripped-up newspapers that the stupid cat would get into. What a horrible experience. The day we got rid of that cat was the greatest day of my life. Would I want to go back to that? No thanks; being a pet owner is clearly not for me.

32. No-no’s for Expository Writing • Do not use the word “you” in expository essays. (You may use “you” only if the essay is persuasive.) • Do not “piggyback” words (repeatedly using the same word throughout the essay). • Do not use the word “reason(s)” in any part of the essay.

33. Anecdotes/One Time When • Many student FCAT essays simply list examples to support their opinions. Papers with lists of events or reasons receive low FCAT scores because they lack developed support. • OTW allows the author the freedomto let his “voice” be heard. • Essays with OTWs and anecdotes receive high FCAT scores because they provide elaborate examples and the relationship between supporting ideasand the topic is clear.

34. Anecdotes/One Time When Let’s look at another example of an effective OTW and an ineffective OTW. Pay attention to the words used. Other than the length, why is the second paper so much better? The topic? Someone everyone likes The position? The author’s mother The statement (or, why does everyone like her)? Because she cooks for other people

35. An ineffective OTW To begin with, the first reason everyone likes my Mom is because she cooks for people all the time. My Mom makes the most phenomenal spaghetti sauce. Also, you should try her meatloaf, everyone loves it. She cooks at the family reunions all the time. She even makes homemade cakes. It’s no wonder everyone likes her.

36. Anecdotes/One Time When • Notice how the support isn’t something that engages the reader. • Without connecting to the reader, strong support is not achieved. • This paper received a low grade because the writer merely listed support rather than elaborating the support. • Reread the example and ask yourself how the OTW could be more effective.

37. An effective OTW The following example has the same topic, same position, and the same statement. However, the anecdote (OTW) is elaborate and detailed. Notice how strong the paragraph sounds. THINK 6

38. An effective OTW To begin with, everyone likes my Mom because she is such a fantastic cook. Often she will bring people meals when they are going through a tough time, or just had a baby, or just to bless someone. I can remember one time when our neighbor Miss Lisa told us that a new family had moved into our neighborhood two blocks away. Mom was standing in our driveway when she heard the news and I could tell by the look one her face that as soon as Miss Lisa left she was going to start cooking up a storm.

39. Sure enough as soon as Mom came into the house she made a B-line straight for the kitchen. I could hear the shuffling of pots and pans being put out and the fridge being opened and closed. Soon the room was alive with the aroma of fresh garlic and olive oil. Mom was making her famous marinara sauce. “Hey Mom,” I said. “Are you cooking for the new neighbors?” “You guessed it.” “I knew it. As soon as Miss Lisa told you about them, I could see it in your eyes.”

40. Mom finished her cooking in no time and couldn’t wait to greet the new neighbors with her friendly smile and her pot of sauce. Our family became instant friends with the new neighbors and we see them all the time now (mostly because they enjoy Mom’s cooking so much). Mom has cooked like this for many people in the past. It’s no wonder so many people appreciate her.

41. Notice how much easier it is to engage in this example. • The OTW allows the reader to imagine seeing and hearing what is taking place. • In your composition book, add an anecdote (OTW) to your “chessay.” • Now, look over the OTW you wrote. How can you improve this OTW so it is stronger and engages the reader?

42. Thesis Tie-in The last element of the four parts to the body paragraph: Thesis Tie-in • What is a thesis? A thesis is a statement to be proved or maintained against objections. • The thesis is the clear and specific statement that tells what the author’s position is about in this essay.All other sentences in the essay support the thesis.

43. Thesis Tie-in • The thesis tie-inis the most difficult and most easily forgotten component of the body paragraph. However, it is essential. • The thesis tie-in is a sentence or two that ties a body paragraph back to the topic and position sentence in the introduction.

44. Thesis Tie-in • Without the thesis tie-in the essay might be off-task. Why? Let’s read the supporting paragraph again about pet ownership. • Notice that without the last two sentences (thesis tie-in) the paragraph is about a messy kitten. But that is not the topic. The topic is pet ownership.

45. To begin withI don’t want to own a pet because they are messy. I remember one time when my Dad came home with a new kitten. At first I acted like any child would. I was so excited and I couldn’t stop jumping up and down. My Mom must have told me to calm down at least five times. But that positive experience changed very quickly into one of total dread. I soon found out that everywhere that kitten went it left a mess behind, and guess who had to clean it up? That’s right, me! Instead of playing video games with friends I spent most of my time emptying disgusting kitty litter and picking up ripped-up newspapers that the stupid cat would get into. What a horrible experience. The day we got rid of that cat was the greatest day of my life. Would I want to go back to that? No thanks; being a pet owner is clearly not for me.

46. Thesis Tie-in • The thesis tie-in shows the reason the author doesn’t want to be a pet owner. • The thesis tie-in effectively ties the whole paragraph back to the main topic.

47. Thesis Tie-In Let’s look at the example of the thesis tie-in in the essay we read yesterday about the Mom who is liked by everyone. This is the first sentence of the body paragraph: To begin with, everyone likes my Mom because she is such a fantastic cook. This is the last section of the body paragraph: Mom finished her cooking in no time and couldn’t wait to greet the new neighbors with her friendly smile and her pot of sauce. Our family became instant friends with the new neighbors and we see them all the time now (mostly because they enjoy Mom’s cooking so much). Mom has cooked like this for many people in the past. It’s no wonder so many people appreciate her.

48. Thesis Tie-in • The thesis tie-in shows the reason why the author thinks everyone likes his mother. • The thesis tie-in effectively ties the whole paragraph back to the main topic.

49. Assignment On next clean right-side page write NPID. Label page: Teacher The topic? A teacher everyone likes The position? Decide on a teacher The statement (or, why does everyone like this teacher)? Because ……… Jot notes in margin. Drop down 5 lines. • Write a funneled intro • Begin body paragraph with a transition (To begin with) • Write an OTW • Write a thesis tie-in at the end of the paragraph • This will be shown on the ELMO.

50. Conclusion The conclusion …. • is as important as every other element • brings essay elements together • sums up author’s point of view • refers slightly to support