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Linguistics 19, 2013F Assignment 7, Humor Websites

Linguistics 19, 2013F Assignment 7, Humor Websites. Student contributions (slides in the order contributions were received). Mihaela Pop. Dictionaries: apoptosis

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Linguistics 19, 2013F Assignment 7, Humor Websites

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  1. Linguistics 19, 2013FAssignment 7, Humor Websites Student contributions (slides in the order contributions were received)

  2. Mihaela Pop • Dictionaries: apoptosis While scientists concur that the subject of apoptosis is very much alive, they have yet to agree on how to pronounce the term. Some start the word with a long a, other with a short; some pronounce both p's, others drop the second one. The term was coined by Dr. Andrew Wylie, of Edinburgh University in Scotland, who first described the features of this type of cell death and named the process after the classical Greek for "falling from," as leaves fall from trees. But biologists now joke that the word should really refer to hair falling from the scalp, since the male scientists in the apoptosis field all seem to be balding. • Sounds, accents, and dialects: “An Italian Conversation” A bus stops, and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," sputters the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'ma justa tellun my frienda how to spella Mississippi." • http://www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/humor/contents.html

  3. Gabriella Merino http://memebase.cheezburger.com/puns

  4. Jo Gu (first pic) http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/d7/d7dd1cfe3624ed63d79bc32906a7e2bdbd68f8d82ad9b946de2031709d44e3af.jpg

  5. Sarah Sharpe • Quantifier denotations Superintendent Chalmers has just told Bart he received 100% on the practice federal VPAT test by writing SLURP MY SNOT on the bubble sheet. Lisa: How did I do? Chalmers: 96. Lisa: What did I get wrong? Chalmers: Severalanswers. Lisa: Several? That's more than a few! Almosta bunch! • Impersonal 'you', generic sentences Homer is speaking to Apu, owner of the quicky mart about religious philosophy and the afterlife. Homer: Apu, what do you think happens after you die? Apu: Manjula will sell the store, dye her hair blonde, and marry my cousin Jangular. Manjula (in background): Yes! I will! http://heideas.blogspot.com/

  6. Yun Zhou • 1. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=3 • 2. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'. http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=1

  7. Byran Chau • Pun I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.  http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=6 • Feghoot One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.  When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."  To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, when one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.  Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and the zoo keeper immediately took steps to save the man's friend. The zoo keeper got an axe and asked the man, "OK, which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?" The New Yorker pointed out the female as the culprit. Quickly, the zoo keeper split the female gorilla open and found nothing of the Czech.  He looked at the man from New York, who shrugged and said, "Guess the Czech is in the male." http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/punjoke.pl?number=19

  8. Alexandria Arenas 1. http://cheezburger.com/7887431680 2. http://cheezburger.com/7892450816 Site: http://cheezburger.com/

  9. Jennifer Feldis • The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. • What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – it let out a little whine. www.punoftheday.com

  10. Caroline Leahy http://memebase.cheezburger.com/puns • Atheism is a non-prophet organization • http://www.punoftheday.com

  11. Eugene Choi thechive.com.

  12. Galia Gomez http://memebase.cheezburger.com/puns

  13. Gloria Yeo Nanjing, China www.engrish.com Thailand

  14. Renata de la Torre http://www.engrish.com/

  15. Grace Chang THE MISHEARD: Aboriginal man get off my cakes REAL LYRIC: I'm a reasonable man get off my case Artist: Radiohead Song: “Packt Like Sardines In a Crushd Tin Box” http://kissthisguy.com/ THE MISHEARD: Power RangersrnPower RangersrnPower RangersrnPower RangersrnPower Rangers REAL LYRIC: The rain drops The rain drops The rain drops The rain drops The rain drops Artist: Radiohead Song: “Sit Down, Stand Up” THE MISHEARD: No alarms, no surprises, salad. REAL LYRIC: No alarms and no surprises, silent. Artist: Radiohead Song: “No Surprises”

  16. Amy Cummings http://thechive.com/

  17. Juliana Deer http://www.engrish.com

  18. Aashni Kamra (1) DEAF MAFIA: A Mafia gang takes on a Deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations.  However, one day when he is to deliver a large sum of money, he never shows up with it.  The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him.  As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter. Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.) The bag man signs his reply.  The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him." Mobster:  "I'm not fooling around!  You better tell me where that money is!"  (Interpreter again signs.) The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth.  He had to get rid of it." The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the Deaf man's eyes.  "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!"  (Interpreter signs his statement.) The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom closet." The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."


  19. Aashni Kamra (2) SPEEDING TICKET: 
A hearing man is hitchhiking late at night on an isolated highway. His car had broken down and he was hoping for a ride to the nearest town or telephone. After a few hours of walking and thumbing for a ride, a car finally pulls over and lets him in. 

Upon entering the car the hitchhiker realizes the driver is deaf. This doesn’t bother the man and the two gesture back and forth with one another. After a few minutes the driver decides to fully depress the gas pedal and speed. Because the car is a convertible, the hearing man loses his hat and both passengers’ hair is blowing wildly in the breeze. The gauges on the dashboard are steadily rising and the hearing man is actually a bit frightened. 

Suddenly, as if from nowhere, red and blue lights can be seen in the rear view mirrors and the car is pulled over. As they pull over, the deaf man puts one finger over his lip and looks at the hearing man, “Shhhh.” The police officer comes to the driver side of the car and asks for the driver’s license, the deaf man gestures to the police officer that he can’t hear or understand him. The hearing man follows suit. The police officer nods his head, looks around, then over enunciates the words, “S L O W D O W N !” The deaf man nods his head innocently in agreement. 

As they’re driving, the deaf man becomes tired and pats his hand over his mouth as he yawns and stretches his arms. He makes eye contact with the hearing man and gestures for them to switch places. The hearing man agrees and is soon driving the car down the isolated highway. After a few minutes, the deaf man is fast asleep in the passenger’s seat and the hearing man is feeling adventurous. Assuming that the chances of them getting pulled over again are pretty slim, he presses the pedal to the metal and is zooming quickly toward the horizon. 
As luck would have it though, he too is soon pulled over and a police officer steps up around the side of the convertible. The officer says, “I need your license and registration please…” The hearing man has a quick brainstorm and begins feigning deaf. He gestures to his ears then motions that he doesn’t understand. The police officer smiles and signs, “OH YOU’RE DEAF? MY PARENTS ARE DEAF, WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL?” 
Gulp! http://lifeprint.com/asl101/pages-layout/jokes.htm

  20. Simon Chung http://www.engrish.com/

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