Bangitout’s 2006 Seder Sidekick

Bangitout.com’s 2006 Seder Sidekick In memory of Dr. Harold J.Galena Z”L Bangitout.com is a the world’s most popular Jewish Comedy website www.Bangitout.com

Why is this man here? Introduction! To the Tune of Gilligan's IslandJust sit right back and you'll hear a tale,A tale of a fateful trip, That started when we were slaves,on our exodus from Egypt Moses was a mighty holy man,Aaron brave and sure.The Jewish Nation escaped that night,For a three day tour, a three day tour.The Egyptians started getting rough, The Red Sea had no bridge to crossIf not for the courage of the fearless Jew,Our nation would be lost, our nation would be lost.God split the sea and we came to shore to start a new lifestyleWith Miriam,and Aaron too,Under G-d's care we did survive,Moses’s lead, The Torah and our Israel land Here on Passover Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To the tune of Hotel California On an Egyptian desert highway Cool wind in our hair Warm smell of mazohballs Rising up through the air. Up ahead in the distance There’s no food in sight My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim Why is this different then all other nights!?There Elijah stood in the doorway I heard his dayanu song And I was thinking to myself This could be Heaven or Maagid prolonged!?Then I asked the 4 questionsThe hagadah taught me the way There were voices for each 4 sons I thought I heard them say: Chorus Welcome to our Passover SederSuch a lovely place Such a lovely place (background) There’s no need to race! Plenty of room at our Passover Table It’s that time of year It’s that time of year (background) When we can’t serve Beer!When we can’t serve Beer! "The Matzah Show" to the Tune of the Muppet ShowIt's time to burn some chometzIt's time to bless the lightsIt's time to start the seder, on the Matzah Show tonightIt's time to put on kittelsIt's time to lean left, not rightIt's time to raise the 4 cups, on the Matzah Show tonightIt's time to ask some questionsIt's time to leave Egypt tonightIt's time to get things started on the most sensationalInspirational, celebrational, sederationalThis is what we call the Matzah Show!!!!!(Discussion #1: How could Kermit be a plague?) Start this baby off right, with some FUN SEDER SONGS! The man above has NOTHING to do with your seder! But we got you to start asking questions! Woohoo! www.Bangitout.com

Introduction! To the Tune of the Brady Bunch Theme song Here's the story of our great-grand Bubby and Zeide Who were enslaved for about 210 years. All of them were stuck in Egypt, with their Jewish brothers, it was awfully hard work and bitter tears. Here’s their story, Lets call it a “Seder” Which we tell about how they finally broke free! God sent Moshe to deal with Pharoah, and also to split the red sea. Till that one day when God himself came to our rescueAnd they knew it was much more than a hunch, That this group of slaves would somehow form a nation. That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch. The Jewish Bunch, That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch. The Jewish Bunch. You are 100% Pesadic!!! Welcome Back (Welcome back Kotter Theme Song)Welcome back, (to the seder)Your parents bought your ticket out. (to Miami)Welcome back, (to the seder)To that same old grape juices stained hagaddah that you laughed about.Well the (kosher for Passover) brand names have all changed since you hung around,But constipation has remained & stale taste is still around.Who'd have thought you’d know One? Who'd have thought you’d know One? Let me know when Maggid is done Let me know when Maggid is doneYeah we tease the seder a lot, but it’s the best time Judiasm’s got, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, Some more songs, cause heck some of us have two nights of this stuff! To the "Growing Pains" TV Theme SongShow me that matzah again. (Show me that matzah)Don’t eat another marror cause you'll be cryin’.We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near)The best is Shulchan ORECH....Oooohhh. As long as we got the sederWe got the hagada reading right in our hands.Baby you and me, we gotta beThe luckiest Hebrews who never quit dreamin’.As long as we keep on reading we can bless any cup that comes our wayBaby, Chrain or Wine, all the timeWe got each other Sharin’ the seder and love “Music takes you wherever you want to be” – the Kotzker REbbe www.Bangitout.com

Here are Ten Quick Cheesy Ways to Enhance your Seder10. Two Words: Plague Charades9. Preface every paragraph by saying "DID YOU KNOW..."8. Go around the table mentioning which of the 4 sons you'd like to date7. Sing Dayanu to the tune of Labamba (Di, Di, Di, Di Di Aynu!)6. To get kids really asking questions, cancel Seder... in favor of Séance5. Each paragraph you read finish off with a reporter sign off - “And now back to you, Elijah!”4. Promise $1000 to the first kid who finds Moshe's name in the Haggadah twice 3. Ask, "If you were an Egyptian stranded on an island, and you could only have one plague for the rest of your life which one would it be?"2. Sing a Jewish holiday song that has nothing to do with Passover, see if anyone notices.1. Spontaneous Seder Table Wave Hit it! Seder Order! • KADESH • URCHATZ • KARPAS • YACHATZ • MAAGID • RACHZAH • MOTZEI MATZAH • MARROR • KORECH • SHULCHAN • ORECH • SAFOON • BARAYCH • HALLEL • NIRTZAH Top Ten Ways To Know the Guy your daughter brought home for the Passover Seder isn't gonna work out10. Hides the afikomen in his pants 9. Won't stop asking when the Latkas are going to be served 8. When welcoming Elijah he checks the chimney7. After fourth time calling your wife "Ma' Nishtana" still hopes to get a laugh6. In return for the Afikomen, he asks to see your Tax Returns 5. To comply with the Hagadah, he punches the person who reads the "Wicked Son" in the mouth4. You are at the third cup of wine, he's on number 93. After the afikomen is stolen, he starts pocketing silverware 2. When everyone points to the Marror, he points directly at you 1. As a gift, he brings fresh baked Challah list the order of events together! Q. What’s the reason for this predefined structure of the evening? Shouldn’t we be FREE to talk and do whatever whenever we want! Afterall, tonight we are FREE men!??? Perhaps this quote from Abraham Lincoln will help us all understand the answer: "FREEDOM is not the right to do what we want, but what we ought. Let us have faith that right makes might and in that faith let us; to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it." www.Bangitout.com

Q. “Red, Red, Wine….Stay close to me” - Why Red Wine, Bob? Kadesh! Sure there is the whole symbolic “looks like blood” thing (Jewish slaves or Pascal Lamb? You make the call)- but the Ishbitzer Rav gives a novel interpretation: Wine, is the product of a long process (the longer it takes, the more expensive!) From the grape to the bottle, it goes through some long hard processes. So too, the Jewish Nation also requires a long process toward perfection: Egyptian slavery, then the desert, then centuries of exile and persecution. We’ve been through a lot. But says the Ishbitzer, just like wine, the results will be sweet. This is precisely why we always use wine for all of our holidays, a constant reminder to this idea (and is the reason why if no wine is available on shabbos, one should make Kiddush on the challah, as bread too is an amazing product of a long hard process) Cheers! Q. Isn’t Drinking is for Purim not Pesach? Don’t get bummed if you can’t hold your wine. The Avnei Nezer feels that Pesach is a continuation to Purim. When the Talmud (Ta’anit 29a) says “When entering Adar, Increase your simcha”, Rashi explains that it applies to both months of redemption, Adar and Nissan. This is a good explanation why we celebrate Purim during the second Adar in a leap year: to keep Purim and Pesach next to each other. Therefore, says the Avnei Nezer, the wine is a continuation of the celebration of Purim. But know when to say when, four cups is enough Time to say the prayer and drink CUP #1! Now, as you get ready to start, check out your dad’s threads:Q. What’s with the kittul (white cloak worn by males), this ain’t yom kippur?! A. Seders have a way of being waaaay too fun, (i.e.. 4 cups of wine, wacky songs about goats, and Afikomen robbery) The kittel, the garment that we wear on serious occasions like Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashana, your wedding and burial day, reminds us that while having a blast, don’t forget the serious halachot (laws) that are required from us of this spiritual seder night! Speaking of “spiritual”, we also have this gear on to dress the part of an angel - All white, all spiritual, all the time (Anaheim Angels jersey’s were equally acceptable in ‘02) The Kli Yakar has the most amazing following explanation: the whole reason we were in Egypt in the first place was the jealousy over the Colored Coat of Joseph. We demonstrate our remorse for that resentment the brothers had for one another, by simply wearing white! Cheesy Seder Joke: Q: What do you call a very expensive Jewish wine? A: "Honey, I wannnnnnnnnaaa to go to Flaaaahridaah for da seders this year!!!!! " www.Bangitout.com

Q. Wait, why are we washing our hands for vegetables?At this point, you may think to yourself, “IM GONNA BE FREAKIN STARVING!” knowing this from past seders, you may feel the need to munch down on as much Carpas as humanly possible. (Carpas Eating Champion Seder ‘98) but tonight you are a free man, you are not a slave. That includes being a slave to your stomach! So we push off our appetizer, and wash our hands to demonstrate that we are not slaves to our impulsive eating habits. Rav Nachman of Breslov says the Hebrew word “Rachitz” in Aramaic means “Trust”, because we should trust in Hashem, as we wash now, that no matter what our meal consists, of even if its just a little parsley twig, that G-d’s “got our back” when it comes to the nourishment and survival of the Jewish people, and there is more in store for us; namely some good brisket. Q. Why Wash? Let your HANDS take the first step!: R’ Yitzchak Mirsky, in his Hegyoni Halachah Haggadah, writes about the significance of Urechatz- of the additional washing of one’s hands before eating vegetables on the night of the Seder. In Mesachet Sottah 4B it says, “one who takes the Mitzvah of washing one’s hands lightly will be removed from the world.” The Ba’er Hatav comments that even if one is normally vigilant about washing his hands before eating bread (and the Maateh Yosef says that this also applies to washing before eating vegetables), but disregards this Mitzvah purposely just one time, he is still liable to the punishment set forth in the Gemarah. The question arises though as to why the Gemarah stipulates such a strict punishment, even for missing the Mitzvah justonce?! The Maharal of Prague says that there is deep symbolism involved when one washes his hands for the purpose of a Mitzvah. Hands represent the beginning of the human body, for when one stretches out his hands to reach forward or above, it is the hands that are at the front or at the top of the body. The Maharal explains that that the way one begins an action greatly influences the direction and tone of all that follows from that point, and therefore, even a seemingly insignificant sin, but one involving the “bodily leader,” is particularly wrong, for a misguided beginning will lead to an incomplete and incorrect conclusion. On Pesach, the Maharal continues, we should be extremely careful in our observance of this idea, for Pesach is the annual point of beginning for everything that exists, in all times. At this time of beginning and renewal, R’ Mirsky concludes, it is essential to remind ourselves of the importance of a correct beginning in any action and endeavor we undertake- something which is symbolized by the additional washing of our hands at the Seder. (R’ Matt Kreiger, Monroe, NY) Urchatz! Washing our hands for veggies…no brocha necessary! A familiar song to sing while you wash:You put your right hand in,You put your right hand out,You put your right hand in and you wash it all about,you do the Hamotzei Pokey and you dry off your hands That’s what urchatz is all about! Huh, where’s the Bread? www.Bangitout.com

Story:When Rav Itzeleh Wooker observed one of his students grabbing for the largest piece of potato during Karpas, he said to him “How can tonight be a night of celebrating freedom, if you are still an Eved to a Potato!” (Side note: great band name “Potato Slave”) Karpas! Springtime for Karpas Q. Why is Passover in the springtime? This was no coincidence; in fact it was a blessing. G-d could have taken us out of bondage in the cold of winter or the heat of summer, but instead G-d took us out in perfect weather, Spring! The color green of karpas reminds us of this small detail, and helps us recognize that G-d went “above and beyond” in every aspect of our redemption, even the weather forecast. Q. Excuse me, Did you just double dip? An interesting remembrance of dipping twice is to recall our coming and going from Egypt. Recall the first Jew to Egypt, Yosef, was sold by his brothers. They masked the sale to their father by dipping his coat in blood to appear that he was killed. It’s fitting then that we left Egypt with a second dipping: the hyssop branch into blood to spread on our doorways before the final plague to the firstborn. Good thing, nowadays, we just use salt water… Grab a veggie, dip it in saltwalter and say the brocha! Saltwater Taffy: Q. Why Green in Saltwater?Parsley, or whatever insane vegetable minhag your seder is using, usually is of the green persuasion, which is a color that symbolizes growth and the continuous rebirth of life. Well, that or God is one heck of a Boston Celtics fan. We dip our green in the saltwater to signify that life is growth, but even those things which come up that appear bitter -- a bad grade, a broken relationship, a boring seder -- are ultimately for the best. The distinction between sweet and sour is only clear when we have gone through both. Life is Tangy, like sweet and sour chicken or saltwater taffy. Next year, let's use Green Sour-Stix! Give me a Kaf, Give me a Reish.....The letters of the word Karpas hint to us to be giving people to those in need: Sounds Letter Meaning Ka Kaf Palm of hand R Reish One who is impoverished Pa Peh Mouth S Samech To support Stupid seder joke: Q. When it comes to Karpas, who is the real KING of Passover? A. Elvis Parsley!! www.Bangitout.com

Yachatz! (to the tune of Kit Kat Bar)Gimme a Break Gimmea BreakBreak me off a piece of that Middle Matza PLEASE (Theme from The reality show Apprentice, Money)Matzah Matzah Matzah Matzah……Matzah! Breaking Up is Hard to do Yachatz means “Break apart”, Yachad means “Come together”, the only letter difference are the ending letters Daled and Tzadik, which makes sense, since that spells “Dates.” (Bangachuver Rav discourses) • Q. Why 3 matza's -- Who knows Three? Why the Middle Matza?There are many 3's in Judaism: • Avraham, Yizchak, Yaakov • Cohain, Levi, Yisroel, • Bang, It, Out. • Can you name 3 more?? Break the middle matzah, and put away the bigger piece for the Afikomen • Why do we break the Matzah? • It’s the way of the poor man to store something for later – who knows where his next meal will come from? • Pieces of broken crackers – can it get any more “Poor man’s Bread?” • Rabbi Shlomo Riskin Shlita mentions one of the reasons the matza is broken is because we are celebrating only partial salvation- until our full redemption to Jerusalem we will never have complete Matzah! The Incredible, Edible Egg! Sure it’s high in protein, but there has got to be a better reason to take an Egg-break. Bang this: an Egg is one of the few foods that hardens when you heat it up. So are the Jews – The slavery and persecution we have endured throughout the years has only strengthened our longevity and eternal connection with Hashem. Want my yolk? www.Bangitout.com

Seder Story Two Brothers: One Rich, One Poor returned home with their large families to attend the wedding of their youngest sibling. The rich brother dressed his children in the finest that Sachs has to offer for the wedding. The poor brother’s kids were all in tattered “handmedowns”. When the rich son finally presented his “decked out” family to his father, his father looked down in disapproval. “But Father,” said the rich son, “I spent all this money on these clothes to bring YOU honor, afterall this is Your day!!” The Father looked at him with a DA Adam Schiff face and said: “You want to bring Me honor, than ensure all my children have something. Not just your own: So to on Passover, we might be banging out a great lavish seder, but to bring real honor to Hashem it behooves us to ensure all of our brother’s well being…hence Ha Lachma Anya (mashal told over to us by Rabbi Don Blumberg Shlita) Magid >> Ha Lachma Anya Q: Bread of our Affliction?- What happened to the Freedom aspect? Didn’t we just mention that Matzah has two symbolisms? It was the poor bread that we were forced to eat during our bitter years of slavery in Egypt. And it was the bread of redemption that we had we ate as we hastened us out of Egypt into freedom! Why is only one of these mentioned here? And if only one is to be mentioned, surely the more appropriate one would be the positive one? Discuss.... Scizophrenia!!! Everything tonight has a dual aspect to it – Slavery and Freedom - spend a few minutes before you start and figure out if you can explain the dual meanings to the following essential Seder things: Talk, Discuss QUESTION the exodus! Shankbone Someone complaining the soup is too salty Karpas Someone mispronouncing the word “Gamliel”, “Chaldean”, “Aramite” Egg Afikomen Blackmail Imaginary visit from Elijah Plagues Matzah Marror Wine Kittul Strange Uncle making offbeat comments Outstretched Arm Blood Frogs Actually listening and talking to your family Goats/Lambs Burning your mouth out with super hot marror Cheesy Seder Joke A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder: "Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot." Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?" www.Bangitout.com

Some More questions? JEWISH JEOPARDY! We give the answer, you give the question! A: Midrash Q: What is a Middle east Skin disease? A; The Gaza Strip Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance? A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater? A: Sofer Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover? A: Babylon Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons? A: Filet Minyan Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews? A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision Q: What are a gut, a hut and a cut? And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions via the internet. The service is to be called... "E-MOIL." (forwarded to bangitout.com by Elisheva Cantor) Magid >> Mah Nishtana Q The entire night is all about questions - From The 4 questions to WHO KNOWS 1? Why all the ????The Dubna Magid explains that when someone asks a questions about something it shows their true interest in knowing about it. They always tell you at the end of a job interview to have a question prepared…because it shows your true interest in the job. Questions express your interest in this whole Judaism thing. Let this be a night of questions, and lets hope this kicks off your year for exploration into the millions of other questions you have about Judaism! 4 Questions time!!!! ASK AWAY! Questions Breed Questions: Noam Zion makes an important and interesting observation about the importance of questions, and links the Mah Nishtana to the Four Sons. It isn't always important how much you know or what you learned -sometimes the most important part of the pedagogic process is which questions you ask (and which you don't). However, it isn't just important to have a question, but to have someone who will take it seriously and give a thoughtful response. You can only ask a good question if you feel you are respected and taken seriously. Perhaps it's important to encourage children (and adults) to ask all manner of questions at the seder and not just the ones programmed into the evening. Questions breed questions...which will lead to more learning! ASK AWAY!!! (Edie Aviva Molot, Jerusalem Israel) "There is nothing more irrelevant than the answer to a question that was never asked!" www.Bangitout.com

French Pourquoi cette nuit est-il différente de toutes autres nuits ? Sur toutes nuits que nous ne trempons pas même une fois, sur cette nuit que nous trempons deux fois ? Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons du pain ou matzah, et sur cette nuit seulement matzah ? Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons n'importe quel genre de légumes, et sur ces herbes amères du soir ! Sur toutes nuits que nous mangeons asseyant le montant ou reposer, et sur cette nuit nous tout repose ! German Warum diese Nacht verschieden von allen anderen Nächten ist? Auf allen anderen Nächten tauchen wir sogar einmal, wir an dieser Nacht nicht ein eintauchen zweimal? Auf allen anderen Nächten essen wir Brot oder matzah, und auf dieser Nacht nur matzah? An allen anderen Nächten essen wir irgendeine Art der Gemüse, und an dieser Nacht bittere Kräuter! An allen anderen Nächten essen wir sitzend aufrecht oder zurücklehnen, und an dieser Nacht wir alle lehnen zurück! Italian Perché questa notte è diversa da tutte le altre notti? Su tutte le altre notti che non immergiamo anche una volta, su questa notte che immergiamo due volte? Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo il pane o il matzah, e su questa notte questo soltanto matzah? Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo qualunque tipo di verdure, e su queste erbe di notte amare! Su tutte le altre notti che mangiamo sedendo dritto o reclina, e su questa notte noi tutti postura reclinata! Dutch Waarom is deze nacht verschillend van alle andere nachten? Op alle andere nachten dalen wij zelfs eenmaal, wij op deze nacht niet dalen tweemaal? Op alle andere nachten eten wij brood of matzah en op deze nacht enkel matzah? Op alle andere nachten eten wij enig soort van groenten en op deze nacht bittere kruiden! En op alle andere nachten eten wij zitten recht of leunen en op deze nacht wij iedereen leunt! Norweigan Hvorfor er denne natt forskjellig fra all annen natter? På all annen natter vi ikke dypper selv en gang, på denne natt vi dypper to ganger? På all annen natter vi eter brød eller matzah, og på denne natt bare matzah? På all annen natter vi eter noe type av grønnsaker, og på denne natt bitter urter! På all annen natter vi eter sitte opprettstående eller reclining, og på denne natt vi all recline! Potuegese Por que esta noite é diferente de todas as outras noites? Em todas as outras noites nós não fazemos mergulho mesmo uma vez, nesta noite nós mergulho duas vezes? Em todas as outras noites nós comemos pão ou matzah, e nesta noite único matzah? Em todas as outras noites nós comemos qualquer tipo de verduras, e nesta noite ervas amargas! Em todas as outras noites que nós comemos sentand-nos inclinar ereto, e nesta noite que todos inclinamos! Magid >> Mah Nishtana www.Bangitout.com

The Ma Nishtana in Ebonics Why iz dis here night be different from all otha nights, ya dig sucka? On all otha nights o' da year we's eat breads an' matzzile an' dis here night we's only eat stale matzas? beeotch On all da otha nights o' da new years we's eat all types o' greens an' on dis here night we's eat marror? slap mah fro! On all other nights o' da year we's never dip, but on dis here night we's dip twice? dang On all other nights o' da year we's be sitting or reclining laid back, but on dis here night we's lean way back? The Ma Nishtana by SNOOP DOG: "Why is it thizzle on all othizzle nizzle durizzle thizzle yizzle wizzle eizzle eizzle brizzle or mizzle but on thizzle nizzle wizzle eizzle only mizzle "Why is it thizzle on all othizzle nizzle wizzle eizzle all kizzle of hizzle but on thizzle nizzle wizzle eizzle only bizzle hizzle "Why is it thizzle on all othizzle nizzle wizzle do not dizzle our hizzle evizzle oncizzle but on thizzle nizzle wizzle dizzle thizzle twizzle "Why is it thizzle on all othizzle nizzle wizzle eizzle eizzle sizzle or rizzle but on thizzle nizzle wizzle eizzle in a rizzle posizzle The Ma Nishtana in Yiddish Tateh (or zayde), ikh vill dir fregen die vier kashes. Der Ershte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:Far vus is der nakht von Pesakh andisht von alle nakht von a ganze yahr? Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen, essen mir khometz, und as mir villen, essen mir matzoh, aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur matzoh? Aber kein khometz turen mir nisht essen. Hab ikh dir gefregt ein kashe. Der zweite kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen essen mir bissere grinsen, und as mir villen essen mir zissergrinsen? Aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur bissere grinsen. Hab ikh dir gefregt zwei kashes. Der dritte kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr tinken mir ein mul ekhnit eyn? Aber der nakht von Pesakh tinken mir eyn zwei mul? Ein mul tsibele in zalz vasser, und der zweite mul khrain and kharoset. Hab ikh dir gefregt drei kashes. Der vierte kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir willen essen mir ziztendik, und as mir willen essen mir ungeshpart? Aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir alle ungeshpart? Yetzt hab ikh dir gefregt alle vier kashes. Heint entfir mir ein tiretz von alle vier kashes. Spanish ¿Por qué es esta noche diferente de todas las otras noches? ¿En todas las otras noches que nosotros no mojamos aún una vez, en esta noche que mojamos dos veces? ¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos pan o matzah, y en esta noche sólo matzah? ¡En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos cualquier clase de verduras, y en esta noche hierbas amargas! ¡En todas las otras noches que comemos sentarse vertical o recostar, y en esta noche que todos nosotros nos recostamos! Magid >> Mah Nishtana www.Bangitout.com

Q What’s so bad about being a Slave? I mean c’mon, you’re helping someone, right? The Dubna Maagid explains that the worst part of the Jewish people’s “Avodah Kasha” hard back breaking labor wasn’t the fact that it was eh, hard and back breaking…rather the worst and most painful part was the purposelessness of the Jewish people’s work…The Egyptians tortued the Jewish people mentally as well as physically. Afterall there is value in building a pyramid, but for it to be destroyed again and again for the humor of vicious Egypitan slavemaster is tortuous. Someone who is engaged with doing nothing of purpose with their days may be as enslaved, as depressed, and as miserable as the Jewish People in Egypt…We should ensure that our lives have meaning, progress and most of all purpose in whatever we do! (based on R’ Wilensky lecture) Magid >> Avadim Hayinu Eygpt: Asphyxiation of the soul. The word for Egypt in Hebrew is Mitzrayim. Those same letters produce Metzarim -- boundaries. Mitzrayim represented not only a profoundly debased spiritual level, but limitations. If you don't have room to breathe, life can begin to feel suffocating, like the mikvah on erev rosh hashana. Pesach is the holiday for breaking through those limitations, for breaking free of all those things that imprison us, for moving through the spiritual barriers, peer pressures and distractions that life (and Tivo) can throw at us. If we realize that this is the time to feel alive again then the next 8 days will be like waking up to no school on a snow day. FREEDOM! PASSOVER BEHIND BARSA R' Pesach Krohn Story Rabbi Arye Levene Z”TL, the famous Jerusalem rabbi known as the “Tzaddick in our Time” for his unparalleled kindness, used to frequently visit Jewish inmates in prisons in Jerusalem (Grandfather of the great R’ Abraham Levene Shlita of Lower Merion, PA) . After Pesach he asked the prisoners if they were able to have a real Passover Seder in their incarcerated state. They responded “Yes, everything was exactly the same, except when it came time for the cup of Elijah; they didn’t let us open the front doors!!!!!” "And what about freedom, did you feel like free men?” asked Rabbi Levene. The inmates, locked behind bars, were a bit confused. Rabbi Levene explained that a true free man isn’t necessary a physical thing, but rather a mental state. Someone who is free is someone who has full control over his own thoughts and ultimately his actions. No urge, passion or external influence has any power over a free man’s man. Freedom, Chairus, doesn’t mean life of Hefkerut (lawlessness), it is means a life of true control over one’s thoughts, desires, and actions. No matter where one is, being free is all a state of mind. www.Bangitout.com

Q. Who is Visiting Who? R’ Akiva lived in Bnae Brak. But R’ Akiva was R’ Eliezer’s student! Why the was the senior R’ Eliezier – who’s hometown was in Lud – home of the Sanhedrin – coming to visit his student’s house?? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Making this question even more puzzling is the talmud Succah 33B, where R’ Eliezer stated he “never goes away for Yom Tov!!” What’s the dealeo? – Why suddenly was there an all night torah slumber party at R’ Akiva’s house? The answer is that these rabbis all lived in the generations that directly followed the destruction of the temple, a very dark and sad time for our people. No one kept the optimism and the excitement for better times like R’ Akiva - as described in the end of the Talmud in Makkos – which explains how R’ Akiva was able to see the best things (3rd Temple) in the worst situations (animals in the temple ruins). For this reason, he became the spiritual anchor of his time, and all the rabbis came to R’ Akiva for gain from his unbeatable faith and optimism. Note: Check the last letters of each word in the pasuk: oR zaruA latzadicK, ulyishraI LaV SimchA Its R’ A K I V A! - anyone who can see the best in the worst situation – shows the endurance of a true believer a true tzadik. Magid >> Maaseh BBnai Brak Q Is there any point in this “All night learning in Bnei-Brak”? Throw me a bone here! (shankbone preferably) The 5 Rabbis (Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva, and Rabbi Tarfon) who sat up all night in B’nei Brak discussing the seder, until their alarm clock students came to inform them that it was time to say the morning “Kriat Shema.” The length of their exposition is extraordinary unto itself, but even more amazing when you see who these Rabbis are. Their names appear throughout the Talmud, so it is no surprise that they can engage in lengthy discourse on matters of Judaism. But this particular conversation was important, because as they went over the Haggadah, telling of how Hashem had saved their forefathers, they could have technically been called liars. Yep. L I A R S. See, none of them were descended from slaves. All of their ancestors had either been converts, who obviously had not been in Egypt at the time, or from the tribe of Levi (including Kohanim), which Egypt had exempted from slavery, as the Priestly class. So while we are commanded to see ourselves as if we, today, were being brought out of Egypt like our forefathers, these Sages would have thought back to their ancestors’ lives of relative luxury! How could they possibly be so involved in a story that didn’t directly concern them or their family! From here, we learn a powerful lesson about Passover, and ourselves. The Jewish people is one entity- though we have different names, and occupy (vastly) different branches of the family tree, we are still inter-connected, and our fates inextricably tied to one another. If one Jew suffers, than it is incumbent upon all of us to alleviate that suffering. (Of course, though possibly on a different level, the same applies to all mankind- we share our world and origins, and are required to help anyone we can). Something that happens to our proverbial neighbor most definitely concerns us. This unity of experience, and consequent unity of purpose, should drive us every day, just as it drove those Rabbis, who rather than saying, “At least my family wasn’t enslaved,” proclaimed, “My people was enslaved- my brethren were oppressed- let us celebrate their redemption and ours, and let us pray for G-d to redeem us again!” And indeed that is the lesson of Passover- the Jewish people seem to be the most adept in the world at drawing lines between one Jew and his fellow. We incorrectly allow our external differences to indicate that we are different inside, as well- and thus we are enslaved by our own conflicts. Let us learn the lessons of the seder- free ourselves from our self-imposed slavery by recognizing that unity in our people can bring the ultimate redemption. (Steven Schwartzberg, NY, NY ) Explains what we are doing here "We who officially value FREEDOM of speech above life itself seem to have nothing to talk about but the weather." - Barbara Ehrenreich www.Bangitout.com

Q “I am like a man of 70?” Huh? Gemara in Brachos tells us the background of this quote. Rav Elazar ben Azaria, was actually an 18 year old Talmudic genius, and he had been chosen to become the Nasi (President of the Rabbinate). When he came home and told his wife, she tried very hard to dissuade him from accepting the offer because of all of the headaches associated with the gig. He then tells her: "Should one not drink out of a crystal glass for fear of it breaking?" ( yes, that is up there for the coolest Talmud oneliners of all time). Bottom line: You can't use the possibility of something going wrong as an excuse to not try it out. Which ultimately led his wife to say to him “But even so, how can you be the Nasi, you're beard isn't even white!”.. That night Hashem turned Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah’s beard white as indicated in the Hagaddah—“I am Like a man of Seventy Years old” Keshivim shana (he was only 18 but suddenly overnight he looked like he was 70). Remember this: You want something bad enough, nothing can hold you back, the Ribono ShelOlam makes sure of it. (Michael Parker, Los Angeles, CA) Magid >> Elazar Ben Azarya I’m actually 18 going on 70 When do we need to eat the Pascal Lamb? Q “Not until I heard the words of Ben Zoma…” As mentioned above R’ Elazar Ben Azarya was only 18 when he was appointed head of the rabbinate! In our hagadah it describes how he learned the source of the mitzvah of mentioning the exodus at night comes from a teaching of a sage named “Ben Zoma”…but what’s also interesting about this seemingly arbitrary reference is that Ben Zoma is well known for another classical sagely teaching from Pirkei Avos: Ben Zoma Said: Who is Wise? One who learns from every man! It is possible that R’ Elaza Ben Azarya was actually crediting Ben Zoma for this sagely advice! As R’ Elazar Benn Azarya was certainly intimidated to take the responsibility of the nasi at such a young age. But once he learned the teaching of Ben Zoma, that wisdom has nothing to do with age, it’s one’s ability to learn from any situation and from any person that makes a wise man. This teaching may have inspired R; Elazar Ben Azarya to step up to the plate and achieve the greatness he’d been chosen for – to lead the Jewish people… Q. Why did the matzah quit his job? A. Because he didn't get a raise!! www.Bangitout.com

Blessorama!? Rabbi Shimon Shwab asks the question, what is with the Name “Makom” used here as G-d's name, usually the name "Makom" is used in moments of terrible loss. For example, in the house of a mourner one uses the term “HaMakom Yinachaym Etchem…” “May G-d Comfort you..." Another instance, is in the verse of “Acheyinu Kol Bais Yisroel ….Hamakom Yirachaym Alayhem," which speaks about G-d helping out Israel from our lowest times. So what's the deal? That name seems to be only used in places where you think G-d is not. And judging by all the learning, discussion and cheesy bangitout Torah jokes tonight, G-d is certainly in da house! Rabbi Shwab clears it up for us with the following - Really we invoke the name of Makom in times when we need to recognize most that G-d has a master plan for us even when we are at our wit's end, during the most confusing and hardest moments in life. We realize that in some way it is all for the best, and we praise G-d with this name at those instances. At the seder, when we mention an Evil Son, the Rasha one might be quick to think that Judaism just gives up on those kids. Not so - in fact we praise G-d here for those type of kids. The Hagadah invokes the name of Hamakom here to remind us that even for the most far off, terrible and seemingly hopeless of children, we are reminded that G-d has an ultimate plan. SO BLESS TO THAT Magid >> Boruch Hamakom Some Additional Ten Cheesy PASSOVER SEDER Enhancers:10 When that Dayanu song begins, so does the musical chairs game9. Each time the word "Egypt" is mentioned you and grandma do a shot of Manishevitz 8. Following every long paragraph, you break in to a quick stanza of "ONE IS HASHEM!" 7. When someone asks a question, you answer with a Magic Eight Ball6. Bnei Brak Learning paragraph is a good time for a Lionel Ritchie's "All Night Long" sing along 5. Keep asking for Latkas 4. Go around the table and have the grandparents which one of the SONS they were like when they were kids. 3. Sing Britney Spears' "Slave for you" at any point during the seder 2. Instead of hiding the afikomen, you eat it. 1 The obvious: Walk like an Egyptian Rabbi Nachman of Breslov writes that: “Reciting the Haggadah in a loud voice (be-kol ram) is a form of tikkun ha-bris, rectification of the Covenant” therefore the louder you are the better! Explains what we are doing here Q: Why do we have an Haggadah at Passover? A: So we can Seder right words. Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction? A: A matzochist. www.Bangitout.com

Top Ten Other Sons left out of the Passover Seder 10. The "30-year-old-still-single" Son, If he would just get a date, Dayienu9. The Brovender's Daughter just home for Pesach, ready to prove she's smarter than all 4 sons put together 8. The Alcoholic Son, "Can we get a little more wine in this Charoset please?"7. The "Watching TV during the 2nd Seder" Son, who just announced he is making aliyah (after learning the NHL playoffs conflict)6. The Moshav Granola Son, who finds the murdering of innocent parsley stalks offensive5. The "Scummy" Son, who is so bad that yeshivish girls can't help but find him attractive4. The "Fallen off the face of the Planet" Son, nobody knows where he has been but always shows up for the holidays with new facial hair3. The Feminine Son, who asks "Does anyone mind if I sing Mah Nishtana to the tune of Rent?" (Why is my son different from all other sons?)2. The "I love long D'var Torahs so that I can brag to my friends how late my seder went" Son 1. The Miami Beach Sun The Four Sons – ITS A FAMILY AFFAIR! The Missing Son:The Lubovitcher Rebbi ZT”L always said there is a fifth son we must also teach, that is the son who doesn’t even make it to the seder table dinner. Magid >> 4 Sons! Do you know 1? How about 366? Got Math? Let’s see:Jews don’t do violence – what’s with knocking out the wicked son’s teeth? It’s to teach him a lesson. The numerical value of Rasha (Wicked) is 570. The numerical value of Tzadik (Righteous) is 204. Q: What’s the difference between the two? A: The wicked son’s teeth! (Sheinav) 366. The Wicked son is sitting at the seder table and not listening to the story or the message of Passover. He is actively excluding himself with his statements (“What is this that you are doing?”) What do you do to get him to stop making snide remarks? Keep him quiet by taking out his teeth. If the Wicked son lost his teeth (570-366=…) he’d pay attention to the miracles, begin to understand why we are doing the seder, and maybe get a big righteous (204!) 4 Sons are Based on Actual text in the Torah Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik always points out how strange it is that 3 of the sons are described by their intellect and one (the Rasha) by his moral activity, or lack thereof… His answer is that the TAM (Simple Son) is actually supposed to be TAMIM – the (Pure Son). So that actually its The Wise Son vs. The One Who Doesn’t know how to Aks who face off and the Evil Son vs. the Pure Son face off. Which evens out the playing field! "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Groucho Marx www.Bangitout.com

Magid >> Started with Idol Worship! Top Ten Most Popular Jewish Questions of all Time 10. Are you sure you had enough to eat? 9. How long ago did we eat meat? 8. Why aren’t you married yet? 7. What time did Shabbos start?6. But is it a hot Kiddush? 5. Do you take credit card? 4. You paid how much?! 3. What kind of question is that?2. Mincha? 1. Oh, you’re from (fill in any city in the world), Do you know….? While dad checks out this Lost photo it might be a good time to snag the afikomen Matzah and Chometz - the difference one letter can make: The difference between chometz and matzah is one letter Hay/Ches - just one line, that if you connect them would make them the same word - it can be confusing. In the same vien, sometimes things in life aren't always clear and there is a grey area between what is real (matzah) and what is fluff (chometz). The word "matzah" has a Hay in it, which is the letter that hinges on the little yud, representing Hashem, and the 10 (yud) could also stand for the ten commandments (not to mention the bangitout top ten). If we remember that the little yud is our foundation, behind everything we do we have the spark of Hashem behind our intentions, then our actions and decisions will always be guided on the right path. www.Bangitout.com

Q: Wrong Parsha!! Shouldn’t we be reading Exodus? “An Aramean Sought to do Destroy us” is from Deutoronomy!? Anyone have any clue where this quote is originally from? It is actually found in the Torah (dvarim 26:5) in regards to Bikkurim, the commandment to bring your first fruits to the Temple. (Which seems strange, as if you were going to tell the story of the Exodus, you’d think we’d be reading from Exodus!) So, as my 8th grade rebbi used to ask, what’s that got to do with the price of tea in China? (regional variant: Bejip) There is a close connection between bikkurim and the seder night. Both are offerings of thanks to G-d for his generosity! Saving our lives from Egypt, and blessing us with fruit! R’ Yerachamiel Yisroel of Alexander says that both mitzvot have a Talking obligation, by bikkurim the commandment is to “respond and declare” praise when bringing your fruit goodies, so too on seder night, where we are all about talking. The more one talks, the more praiseworthy! Hey that’s the name of the holiday: Peh Sach= The mouth speaks! Magid >> vHee Sheamdah To the "Different Strokes" Theme song Now, on Pesach you gotta remove - all our bread even the crumbs, What might be clean for you, may not be clean for your mom. Two sons are born, they are one diverse team (wise and evil) Then along come two, they've got no clue what anything means. And we've got, 4 Diff'rent Sons. It takes, 4 Cups of Wine. It takes, 4 Diff'rent Questions to move the world. Everybody's got a special kind of customEverybodys got 4 cups of wine, Steal the afikomen, don't get caughtIf you do, so what, Lean on your chairs, invite the poor, and we'll have wine. And together we'll be fine.... And we've got, 4 Diff'rent Sons. It takes, 4 Cups of Wine. It takes, 4 Diff'rent Questions to move the world. To the "Charles in Charge" Theme songNew Pharoah in the neighborhoodDoesn't Remember Yosef, and it's understood.He’s there, just to keep us in slavery,Like we're one of his avadim....Pharoah in ChargeOf our days and our nightsPharoah in ChargeOf Pitom and RamsaisAnd I sing, I want,I want Moshe in Charge of me. Pharoah in ChargeOf our kids and our wivesPharoah in ChargeOf our jobs and our livesAnd I sing, I want,I want Hakoadosh Baruch Hu in Charge of me.I want Hakoadosh Baruch Hu in Charge of me. Explains what we are doing here www.Bangitout.com

Story Time! There was once a crazed man who broke into to the study of the Maharal of Prague. He whipped out a knife and said, “I hear you can do miracles, old Man, let’s see you jump out this window before I stab you!” The Maharal looked up from his study and replied, “That is no miracle. Come outside and I will show you how I can jump up to the window!” The man was convinced and once they walked outside, the insane man was easily apprehended. This ability of the Jewish people to spring up from the depths has been evidenced throughout our history. (cue the Klezmer background music) Numerous nations have fallen and we have persevered. Jews have reversed the pattern of falling from avdut to chairyt time and again most recently from the Holocaust to Israeli Statehood. (cue the Israeli Yoya background music) We have an extra month, Adar Sheni, to ensure that Pesach is in the Spring- a time of rebirth, when nature which seems lifeless in winter comes alive again. So too, we as a nation affirm that we can arise from the depths. Examining the 4 questions of the Ma Nishtana of course prompts more questions, one of which relates to this concept of rebirth. How do we as a people transition from a state of oppression- symbolized by the matzah and maror mentioned in the 1st question- to a state of freedom- symbolized by the dipping and leaning referred to in the last questions? Perhaps, the answer can be found in the words of the Hagaddah that shortly follow the Ma Nishtana: "Tzei U'lemad" ("Go and Learn"). Although it may take a lifetime to grapple with this question and come to some type of understanding, Pesach, a time of renewal, is a good time to start. (Suri Grussgott, Philadelphia, Pa) GO OUT AND LEARN? WHERE WE GOING?? Our Hagada begins with the phrase, “Tzei Ulemad Mah Bikesh Lavan Ha'arami La'asot”. Two questions emerge. Why begin with the word Tzei, which literally means go out? Learning generally takes place within the home and not outside. This is particularly true during the Seder night when we were told V'ish Lo Tetzei Mifteach Beito, man was not to leave his house in Mitzraim. Rav interprets the phrase “Ein Maftirin Achar Hapesach Afikoman” as “Shelo Y’akru Mechaburah Lechaburah,” that one should not leave his group after consuming the Korban Pesach (Pesachim 119b). Why, then, would we begin the paragraph with the directive Tzei? Second, why do we insert this paragraph immediately following “V'he She'amdah Lavoteinu V'lanu?”We find the word Tzei used in Parshat Noach following the flood. Hashem instructs Noach, Tzei Min Hatevah, Leave the ark. Why was it necessary for Hashem to instruct Noach to leave the ark? One would have expected that once the water receded Noach would have left the ark even without a command from Hashem. Apparently, Noach contemplated the option of remaining in the ark. Having witnessed an entire world destroyed as a result of moral corruption, Noach doubted whether it was worth investing the effort to rebuild the world. If the world is going to be destroyed a second time, why bother rebuilding it? Hashem had to implore Noach to leave the ark and begin the reconstruction of the world. A similar theme emerges in the context of the Seder. We have just stated “Shelo Echad Bilvad Amad Aleinu Lichloteinu.” Not only did Paroh rise and attempt to destroy us, the Spaniards, the Poles, and the Germans all have tried to eradicate Am Yisrael. Many have regrettably said, Be a Jew at home and a general citizen when interacting with society. Yaakov may have felt this way when he was about to encounter Esav having just escaped the clutches of Lavan. But Yaakov responded, I lived with Lavan, but I kept the 613 Mitzvot. Go out to the world and make a resounding statement that with the assistance of Hashem we will repel each challenge and to remain a vibrant, unique people dedicated to the word of Hashem.(derived from Rabbi Yosef Adler – Kol Torah TABC) Magid >> Say Ulemad "I understand the importance of bondage between parent and child." - Dan Quayle. www.Bangitout.com

Q. Why do we do anything special for these three things: Blood, Fire and Pillar of Smoke? Magid >> Dam Aish VSimros Ashan! This is a quote from Yoel, which speaks of the WONDERS that Hashem will do in the future. There are those who say that one must drip out 16 dorps of wine, as it has a lot of significane for exampe there are those who say the 16 drops corresponds to the 16 sided sword of HKB"H (see Yalkut Shimoni, Tehillim 31:717), which corresponds to the 16 aliyot (Torah sections read) during the week. Shemot 15:3 begins with a yud and ends with a vav (yud and vav equalling 16) and describes Hashem as a warrior. This quoted by Eliezer ben Moshe HaDarshan as an allusion to the sword. While there are varying opinions as to why the wine is spilled, the great Spanish commentator, the Abrabanel, explained that one should remove wine from the cup because wine is a sign of rejoicing, and one should not rejoice when an enemy falls. How the wine is spilled varies from family to family: some pour the wine out directly from the cup and some flick the wine out with their finger. Really depends on what kind of stain you want on your plate, tablecloth, hagadah and naturally, brand new white kitul.  Many authorities also stress not to, get this, LICK YOUR FINGERS afterwards! (even if you are starving) For that would signify taking pleasure in someone else’s pain. …right on! We drip a drop of wine from our cups for each of these three things QPesach and TishaBav Always come out on the same day - WHY? Heck, the Egg in saltwater is a tradition we do before fast days! The first half of the seder feels does feel like a fast but com'on? The answer lies in the last line of the Hagadah, if you make it up that late. We say 'Next year in Jerusalem' Why? Because the temple was destroyed and we want to get back to that time of sino steak sadwiches (from Normans?) and beer in ole Jerusalem. But how do we get to the days of old? The Haggadah has the answer (to everything I think). Think back: Why was the temple was destroyed: Baseless hatred. ie, when a group of brothers hate one enough to fake his death and sell him to slavery. That is the first dipping of the night (Josephs coat in the blood). If we learn from our mistakes that got us into this mess, we can learn to fix it and be unified, like the eged (hyssop branch) which we dipped the blood to paint our doorposts at the time of redemption. The eged, which btw means unity, is the key. A night like the seder that brings us together is bringing us one meal closer to plowing El Gouchos 22oz steaks in the times of moshiach. Freedom is not an unlimited license, an unlimited choice, or an unlimited opportunity. Freedom is first of all a responsibility before the God from whom we come. --Alan Keyes www.Bangitout.com

To the Theme of "Happy Days"Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,Kinim, Arbah, unhappy plagues,Dever, Schin, unhappy plagues,Darkness comes, what a plague,Will you finally free the Jews?!This Passover is oursLet My People Go. (Oh Happy Plagues)No more slavery scars (Oh Happy Plagues)Oh please spill some wine.Hello Moses, goodbye slaves,Pharoah's gonna give in, he's gotta be insane.You finally ready to be a free man?Don't forget your chocolate macaroon can.This Passover is oursPour me some wine. (Oh Happy Plagues)Egyptians have SARS (Oh Happy Plagues)Oh, afikomen please be mine Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,Kinim, Arbah, unhappy plagues,Dever, Schin, unhappy plagues,Macat Bechorot, what a plague,Will you finally free the Jews?!These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)These Passover Days are yours and mine, These Passover days are yours and mine, Happy Days. Magid >> 10 Plagues! The Frogs SongOne day king Pharaoh awoke in his bed,There were frogs in his bed and frogs on his head.Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes.Frogs here, frogs there,Frogs were jumping everywhere. Recite the ten plagues and drip some wine out with your finger out for all the lost Egyptian Homies Top Ten Plagues That Didn't Quite Make It...10. Persistently high interest rates9. Incapacitating flatulence8. Pan-Arab democracy7. Bennifer6. Not-so-Super Bowls5. Low-carb, Atkins-manna diet4. No cell phone reception in Pharaoh's Palace3. Hooked-on-Pharaoh Phonics2. Pyramid squatting1. Radio stations playing 'Walk Like an Egyptian' 24-7 Freedom lies in being bold - Robert Frost www.Bangitout.com

Unnecessary Roughness?What’s with all the violence? Couldn’t G-d just have used a stun gun on the Egyptians, while the Jews slipped out the back door? Why was our epic exodus from the Egypt virtually rated R for graphic violence? Perhaps the answer to this question may also answer another popular question on Seder night. In the hagaddah we read “If it weren’t for G-d taking us out we would still be slaves to Pharaoh till this very day.” Ok, you have to admit that does sounds a little farfetched. When is the last time you heard of a Pharaoh being a world superpower? Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn of Scarsdale explains the following: In psychology, there is a disorder called the Stockholm Syndrome. The syndrome was made famous in the Early 80s by Patti Hearst, the granddaughter of newspaper baron William Randolph Hearst. Patti Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbianese Liberation Army, locked in a closet and beaten repeatedly. The insane part of the story is that as a result of this traumatic experience Hearst ended up joining the group, and fighting for their cause! The phenomenon became known as the Stockholm Syndrome. Because of her intense trauma and degradation she became dependent upon her captors and ultimately came to identify with them. The generally accepted approach in psychology to reverse the effects of the syndrome is what is called “destructive therapy.” The therapy destroys the feelings of identification with the captor by tearing down any feelings of dependency upon the captor. This can be done by ripping up pictures of the captor, for instance, or showing the weakness of the captor him or herself. The power held over the helpless victim is shattered, and the victim comes to the realization that he or she is not dependent upon the captor. Perhaps, explains Rabbi Einhorn, this is why G-d had to be so harsh with our Egyptian captors. If Egypt had not been completely destroyed the Jews would always suffer from a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Physically, we might be someplace in Teaneck, but psychologically we’d always feel an element of dependency – wondering if perhaps if we still owe some of their lives to Pharaoh and the Egyptians. We would still “be Slaves to Pharaoh.” Instead with the brutal ten plagues, we left those feelings behind us in Egypt, to be buried with our Egyptian tormentors. (This was adapted from a mibayit.com article written by Rabbi Shlomo Einhorn of Scarsdale, NY) Magid >> Dayainu "Aren't you Moses?“JOKE George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"The man continued to peruse the ceiling.George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am".George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert". Q. ILLOGICAL LYRIC ALERT: Coming to Mount Sinai without getting the Torah, Dayanu? Notice for a second, while your jamming out this Greatest Seder Hit tune, the line “If G-d would have brought us before Mount Sinai and not give us the Torah – Dayaynu.” Huh? Going to a mountain, where is the value in that? This makes literally zero sense - Without the Torah, there is no Mount Sinai – it would have just been another little mountain in the middle of desertville. With all the other things mentioned in the lyrics they each have sufficient points in this song to say Dayanu, as there is obvious intrinsic value to things like getting shabbos, or splitting the sea, going to Israel – but where’s the value in just going to a mountain? (nature hike anyone?) Rabbi Yerucham of the MIR Yeshiva writes that the value of going to Mount Sinai was to teach the Jewish People the importance of preparation for all things in life, specifically the Torah. Going to the Mountain was the first time the Jewish people were taught how to prepare for something spritiual, to think ahead, and to get ready. Prepping yourself isn’t something to take lightly, (e.g., whole purpose of Sefirah!) – specifically Pesach (cue the Thank you to your Host!) but getting pumped, psyched, and excited about something as awesome as the spiritual aspects of Judaism, the more ahead you prepare the more amazing experience it will be. www.Bangitout.com

Q Why is Marror listed last in the PESACH, MATZA MARROR trilogy? Marror represents the bitterness that we find in life, and although its easy to appreciate pesach and the matza (representing our freedom), its ultimately hardest to recognize that the pain in life, the marror, is also for our best. Being last is a indicator that we sometimes can only "look back" on the bad things in life and realize they are what made us the people we are today. When we reach that level, we will find the sweetness even in the marror. Magid >> Pesach, Matzah, Marror Q Chumetz = Arrogance, why do we eat it at all during the year? truth is, if you think about it, we need our trusty yetzer hara (evil inclination) to survive and live. It fosters our passions in life, our sex drive, desire to eat and other necessary instincts. The challenge man must face is to learn to control his yetzer hara, and not simply just get rid of it. On Pesach we say to our Yetzer Harah “Sure buddy, we need you around, but, make no mistake about it, we are in control and we can get rid of you anytime we want. Need proof? For the next 8 days, you’re symbolically gone via our Chumetz extermination!” We tell the Evil inclination, that bottom line, we are the boss. However, the real message here is to work on our control of our Yetzer Hara all year round. (Richard Frohlich, Staten Island)estion NOT WITHOUT MY MATZA R' Paysach Krohn Story:The Holy Skolener Rebbe, known for his incredible kindness to orphans, used to be in charge of baking matzos for his town. Getting matzos, or any food, in those days was not easy, so when Passover came along, people from far and wide used to travel to the Skolener rebbe with hopes to attain three matzos to observe the Passover Seder. The saintly Vishnitzer Rebbe sent his son to get matzos for his Seder, but when the Vishnitzer’s son came to the Skolener Rebbe, he insisted that the rebbe give his father 6 matzos. The Skolener Rebbe was taken a back, there was hardly enough matzos to go around for his town let alone for anyone from out of town, and now the Vishnitze Rebbe was demanding six! The Vishnitzer’s son brazenly told the Skolener Rebbe that his father told him not to leave his presence without the six matzos. After much arguing the Skolener finally agreed saying, “if the Holy Vishnitzer demands six, then it must be with good intention.”The day before Passover came and suddenly the Vishnitzer Rebbe’s son showed up at the Skolener Rebbe’s door holding three matzos. “My father asked that I return these three matzos” The Skolener Rebbe was dumbfounded. The boy had come a week before stubbornly demanding the extra three matzos - and now, the day before Passover, he was returning them? The boy explained, “My father requested that I originally request six matzos, because he knew what a giving person you are, and that you would probably give away every matzo you had, and keep none for yourself. To insure that you would have matzos for your Seder, he took for you.” The Skolener Rebbe, blushed in embarrassment, and in awe of Vishnitzer’s own kindness and foresight, as the Skolener had actually given away all of the matzos he had baked to all of the poor people in the town and kept none for his own family. At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is... "Let My People Go." www.Bangitout.com

Q: “In Every Generation” MAKE BELIEVE or REALITY? “Bechol dor Vador Chayav Adam Liros es Atzmo KeIlu hu Yatza Mimitzrayim” We say “In each generation a person should see himself as if he came out of Egypt” This statement appears in the Mishna (Pesachim) In the Gemara there, Rava adds that you also have to say VeOsanu Hotzi Misham "He took us out of there." Both these phrases are said in the Haggada in the Paragraph which begins Bechol Dor vaDor. What does Rava's statement add to what the Mishna said? It seems that he is repeating what just a moment before! I think that the answer is found in the Pesukim that the Haggada quotes. First we say "Keilu" At the seder we “make believe” that we were the ones to come out of Egypt even though we were never there! But that is how the Torah wants us to perform the Mitzva of telling the story of Yetzias Mitzrayim. As it says "Vehigadeta Levincha... Baavur Ze Asa Hashem Li Betzeisi Mimizrayim. "You will tell your son...because of this Hashem did for me when I came out of Egypt." HELLO! I can never be one of the Yotzei Mitzrayim because that happened over 3000 years ago!!! I can only try and relive the experience on Seder night as if I came out of Mitzrayim But then Rava comes along with another Pasuk. “VeOsanu Hotzi Misham Lemaan Havi Osanu Lases Lanu Es Haaretz..." “And He took us out of there in order to bring us and give us the land that he promised our fathers." Here we are talking about the ultimate aim of Yetzias Mitzrayim which is to come to Eretz Yisrael as was promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov. The generation who came out of Mitzrayim did not merit to enter Eretz Yisrael. They all died in the desert after the sin of the spies. The next generation who entered the land, did not do so in the way that had been promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov and so we were exiled and until today we have never taken possession of Eretz Yisrael completely and ultimately. In other words the process of Yetzias Mitzrayim has not yet reached its ultimate conclusion! So who are the ones to complete the mission and to be brought to Eretz Yisrael for the final conquest of the land? Rava tells us that we must say VeOsanu And He took US out in order to bring US to the land. At this point there is no more make believe, it really is us! We are the ones who can complete the process. Its up to us to be worthy!! (R’ Ilan Segal, Har Nof Jerusalem) Magid >> Bchol Dor vDor – hallel Back to the Future : True freedom is freedom from limitation - whether external or internal, whether physical psychological or spiritual. 'Mitzrayim' the Hebrew word for "Egypt" means 'boundaries' and 'constrictions'; 'Yetziat mitrazyim, 'going out of Egypt" is the endeavor to transcend limitation to rise aboveall that inhibits the soul of man. One of the most constricting elements of the human condition is the phenomenon of time. Time carries off the past and holds off the future, confining our lives to a temporal sliver of 'present.‘ But on the first night of Passover, we break the bonds of time, having received a mandate to experience the Exodus 'as if he himself has come outof Egypt" We recall the Exodus in our minds, verbalize it in the telling of theHaggadah, digest it in the form of Matzah and Maror. As we Passover the centuries, memory - these faded remnants of the past that generally constitute our only answer to the tyranny of time - becomes experience and history is made current and real.(sent in by Avi Korn Philadelphia PA,(from Chabad) "FREEDOM is nothing else but a chance to be better." - Albert Camus www.Bangitout.com

To "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" Theme SongNow this is the story all about howMy life in Eygpt got flipped upside downAnd I’d like to take a minute just sit back and leanI’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called MizrayimIn West Alexandria born and raisedIn a basket is where I spent most of my daysChilling out, maxing, relaxing all coolAnd all floating in da Nile like swimming in a poolWhen a couple of Phaoroah's guys said we’re up in no goodStarted making trouble in my neighborhoodI got in one little fight and the Jews got scaredAnd said you’re moving down to Goshen with Yisro & Tzipporah thereI whistled at this burning bush and when I came nearthe bush said Shalom, had I had too much beer?If anything I could say that this miracle was rareBut I thought can't forget it, Yo Pharoah's been unfairI pulled up to a palace about seven or eightAnd I yelled to Pharoah, yo homes smell you laterLooked at my kingdom I was finally thereTo Let My People Go; Taking da Jews to freedom from despair Magid >> the Second cup!We make kiddush yay! Second CUP – I’ll drink to that! Before we make the bracha on the second cup of wine, we say a long bracha in which we thank Hashem for redeeming us and our ancestorsfrom Egypt and enabling us to reach this night of Pesach so we can eat matzah and maror. We continue on to implore Hashem that we willcelebrate other holidays in peace and joy and experience the rebuilding of Jerusalem. As the closure to this bracha (the chotem), we thank Hashem for redeeming us (ga'al Yisrael). Why do we say this bracha after Maggid and before eating? Why don't we say it at the beginning of Maggid, perhaps with the first cup of wine? Don't we generally make brachot before performing mitzvot? If so, making a bracha after the mitzvah of telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt seems to be backwards!The Chatam Sofer, a great rabbi of the 18th-19th centuries, explains the reason for the precise placement of this bracha, "ga'al Yisrael".We cannot say this bracha prior to Maggid because at that point we were still slaves to Pharoah in Egypt. When a person converts to Judaism the process culminates in immersion in the mikvah, but whereas a person dipping in the mikvah usually makes a bracha before doing so,the convert only does after emerging from the mikvah. S/He cannot do so before because s/he was not Jewish before! Similarly, we cannot praise and thank Hashem for redeeming us before we were actuallyredeemed. The Maggid is the process that brings us from enslavementto freedom. DRINK UP! (Edie Aviva Molot, Jerusalem, Israel) "If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."-- Homer Simpson www.Bangitout.com

Rachzah! Top Ten Incredibly Cheesy Seder Superheroes: 10. PassoverKnight - He's always different than all other knights9. MatzaMatzaMan - Within 18 minutes this superhero can flatten himself and escape anything, even your incredibly intrusive distant relative 8. KarpasGirl - She can make any vegtable suddenly taste like the greatest food on earth (primarily because your'e starving.)7. Sherlock Home: He can immediately detect whether or not a home is pessadic enough to accept a lunch invite 6. Man-ishtana - He's just like The Riddler, only in Hebrew5. Dr. FunnelCake - His tempting treif smells are just too powerful to resist - especially when hotdogs at $10 bucks each at Great Adventure 4. Pinky - She is able to rapidly shoot wine drops to instantly ruin any table cloth or haggadah3. The Bitter Herb- this is your evil uncle Herb who won't stop complaining about how long the seder is going2. Wonder Woman - this is what we call your mom after doing so much work for this holiday1. AfikoMan - If you can get to him first you hold the power to get anything you want in this world!!!!! (NOTE: "anything you want in this world!!!!!" is limited to something less than $30 bucks that can be easily picked up at the RadioShack or Sam Goody next door to your dad's office) Top Ten failed Passover Promotions? 10. US ARMY - "THE ARMY OF 'who knows ONE?"9. Animal Awareness Passover Campaign - "Frogs are our friends, not a plague." 8. American Red Cross - "This Passover, lets make rivers of blood" 7. Lenox Hill OBGYN - "We wont throw your newborn into the Nile" 6. Adoption Promotion Week - "Drop your unwanted children in a basket in the NYC Reservoir, for less fortunate parents to find!" 5. D'Angelo's Barber Shop: "Free lice check with every haircut" 4. Republic of China's Population Control Agency - Death of the first born commemorative pins 3. Ebay: "Your Afikomen is worth a lot more than that" 2. Radioshack: "You've Got 4 questions, We've Got Answers" 1. Kosher For Passover Ex-Lax, now in new Matzah strength - "Ex-odus" 7th Inning stretch! Get up wash your hands with a Brocha. Do not talk after WASH THIS WAYYYYYYY! Man gives Blind Man a piece of matzah Blind man says “Who wrote this junk!?”

Q. Isn’t Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur the time for atonement, why then do we spend so much time ridding ourselves of our “chometz” e.g., Haughtiness- on Pesach? Don’t we already have holidays for sin cleaning!? The difference can be understood with the following parable told about a poor peasant girl who suddenly becomes queen (fill in any type of whacky story line about how she got there - just make sure it involves a wise shoe maker) Anyhoo, upon entering the palace - the first thing all advisors warn her of is that she can’t be seen in her dirty beat-up rags (“E! Worst Dressed List” here she comes) So what does she do? She burns all her old clothing with fire. Getting rid of any bit of her lowly past. Then, once she’s through the door and she’s finally ready to meet the King – they get her in the showers, baths and clean her up to sheer princess perfection! The same is true with us and our sin atonement process during Passover and Yom Kippur. When we get to Passover we are told if we want to get close to G-d, we must BURN our dirty laundry (e.g., chometz). That’s only step one of our cleansing process, but to really reach the King’s palace on Yom Kippur we are advised to go to the mikvah, and wash ourselves of our sins completely. So both holidays of atonement are all just one long process to get closer to G-d! Bang that out! (based on mashal told by R’ Ribner in Lakewood) Motzei Matzah! It’s Matzah time! Stupid Seder joke: Q. What's the difference between matzoh and cardboard?? A. Cardboard doesn't leave crumbs in the rug!! www.Bangitout.com

Afikomen - Sung to the tune of Green Day’s Basket Case Do you have the time To listen to me whine About all the things that I want? I am one of those Super whip smart yids I Snagged the afikomen halfway through magid (bridge) We’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP) @#$@# (chorus) When all is said and done I WANT MY AFIKOMEN! Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk! (verse) I went to the rebbetzin To ask her if it’s a sin To ask for both an ipod and a playstation2 I went to my bro He told me just ask for dough And just give everyone the matza already, dayanu (bridge) I’ve spent way too much time on pascal sheeeeeep I almost choked on that marror that was hot as (BLEEP) @#$@# (Chorus) When all is said and done I WANT MY AFIKOMEN! Cause I’m just paranoid, that you’re all too drunk! Marror! We eat Marror (dip it into some charoset to cool it off!) *Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers? *A: They never let anyone finish a sentence. www.Bangitout.com

The TEAM Sandwich: Korech is less an individual act and more a team sport... like a sweaty men's locker room. Basically, by Korech we've said a whole book full of words and we're starving. Our “real men ”load up their sandwiches with the "real" stuff- you know the white slices of real bitter herbs (not that "romanian lettuce" wuss crap). This is the stuff you need a sharp knive for... like you're back carving wood to build a fire. This is the stuff that makes you remember just how bad it really was in Egypt. Heck, maybe we have it even worse. Also, somehow, somewhere along the lines, the geniuses in our religion I think have formulated a calculation that “the law” will be more fulfilled if you eat more white slices of instant-ulcer-clean-out-your-kishkes-&-sinuses-put-more-hair-on-your-chest-herbs. Think about this - in a total of 30 seconds, you've confirmed your manhood and probably gotten more heaven. More than any man can ask for. But I digress. All this machismo of "look how much abba has", and "oh ya, well check this out" (followed by an 50% increase of the white shards of death on your matzah) leads to some psyched up - "let's get out there and win this thing!" feelings. All the men at our table are like busting out of the locker room before the big game as we say in a half-chanting, half-rap with crescendoing strength "Ahl Matzoh, Umrormim... (culminating to a yell of) YOCHLOOHOO!!!!" Followed by the big crunch. Get Psyched or Get burned (Dov Robinson, Chicago, Il) Korech! Eat the Hillel Sandwich – Matzah, Marror and Charoset! Peanut Butter and Jelly Hillel?According to history books, English nobleman John Montague, born in 1718, was a notorious gambler who would often go from pub to pub in gambling marathons. Once in 1762 he played cards at a men's club in London for 24 hours straight. He didn't want to risk his luck by leaving the table to eat, so while gambling at London's Beef Steak Club, he asked that some roasted meats be brought to him between 2 slices of bread so that he could hold his food in one hand and his cards in the other. The new food, the sandwich, was named for him, the Earl of Sandwich. Montague's timesaving nourishment idea caught on quickly with others ordering "the same as Sandwich." The sandwich was introduced to America in 1827 in a cookbook by Elizabeth Leslie. This convenient idea has changed the eating habits of people forever. Shouldn't Hillel get credit for the Earl of Sandwich's idea? a Tuna Hillel, a Sub Hillel, an Egg Salad Hillel...this could be fun! A group of leading medical researchers has published data indicating that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver. www.Bangitout.com

A song to sing while stetching (tune of take me out to the ballgame)Take me out to the Seder Take me out to the crowd Feed me some matzah and charosesI'm a King now, to Egypt we're never going backCause it root root root for Moshe Rabbeinu Had to break the luchas what a shame! For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine At the ole seder plate! Lowest of Lows to get to the Highest of Highs The Haggadah relays that we had to leave hastily from Egypt (the first time we used the “religion” excuse to leave work early), for had we delayed any longer in Egypt, we would not have been rescued. Why the big rush? The Slonimer Rebbe explains that Moshe understood this concept from the burning bush. In Exodus, we find he approached out of curiosity to find out why the bush was not being consumed by the fire.(Similar to realizing your chometz aren’t burning because you wrapped them in tin foil) Although there is no direct response to this curiosity, G-d tells Moshe to remove his shoes, for he is standing in a holy place. The Rebbe of Slonim teaches the burning bush showed Moshe an analogy to the Jewish people. Although they were in the fires of impurity in Egypt, they would never be consumed as long as they had a shred of holiness. When they were on the 49th level of impurity, one level from losing all holiness, they had to be saved lest they become completely consumed by the impurity of the Egyptians. So you might ask yourself: Why the big procrastination? Why couldn’t G-d have given started the salvation a little earlier? Heck, if we had enough time to let our dough rise, we could be eating bagels right now! The answer goes back to the bush. A seed sprouts into a shrub after the seed has fully decomposed. To grow into a nation, and to withstand the many fires to come, the Jewish people had to decompose until the brink, and only then sprout strong eternal roots. Shulchan Orech! Eat away! Cheesy Seder Joke If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A briskit! Stupid Seder Joke: Gentile comes to a seder. He gets a bowl of soup and asks what it is. "Matzo Ball Soup" , a voice calls out from the kitchen. He has never heard of it before but sees everyone else eating. He takes a look at the 2 balls in his soup and slowly takes a bite. He looks up from his soup in cheer joy. “That was delicious”, he says. “Can you eat any other part of the matzoh?” www.Bangitout.com

Safun! AFIKOMEN IS SERVED!!! www.Bangitout.com

Baraych! "A Passover Quiz" 1.Which traditional food is on the Seder plate: a. egg roll b. matzah balls c. haroset 2. What is part of the Passover preparations? a. turning your house upside down b. re-enacting the slavery by lugging up the dishes from the basement c. burning the chometz without being cited by the EPA d. all of the above3. Matzah is known as the "bread of affliction" because: a. the slaves ate it b. it makes you constipated c. the price goes up every year 4. The best place to hide the Afikoman is a. behind the carburetor b. in a steel vault with doors 2" thick c. in the underwear drawer 5. The Number One Afikoman gift this year is a. Moses and Aaron action figures b. Nissan matchbox trucks c. "When I was a kid, we were lucky to get a quarter." d. Anything that does not require batteries or assembly 6. The Four Questions include a. Are we there yet? b. How can we recline without a La-Z-Boy? c. If a tree falls in an Israeli forest, how quickly can American Jewry plant another? 7. If there were a Passover Hall of Fame, who would you vote to induct? a. Uncle Louie b. Leonard Nimoy c. Moshe Oofnik d. Charleton Heston 8. The Four Children include a. the doctor b. the lawyer c. the Russian d. Simple Simon9. Before the time of Abraham, people worshipped a. the dust of the earth b. the salt of the earth c. the stars of the heaven d. the stars on Hollywood Boulevard 10. When Jacob and his family originally went down to Egypt, they a. were only a few, but became "religiously pluralistic" b. built several synagogues - at least one in which they wouldn't be caught dead! c. spread out in the Land O' Goshen 11. On Seder night, we are supposed to drink wine until a. Uncle Irving's jokes sound new to you b. you can no longer tell the difference between Pharaoh and Moses c. you don't miss bread (sent in anonymously to bangitout.com) We Bench! What kind of cheese should one serve on Passover? Matzarella www.Bangitout.com

Q. Is Praise Proper? But what about all the dead human beings?The gemara questions why don’t we say Full Hallel prayer(longer version) on the 7th and 8th days of Pesach. The Gemara says, because it is not right to sing praises, when any human being, the creations of G-d, have been killed. SOOO the question you got to ask is, How the heck can we say it now at the Seder? Didn’t we just read all about Egyptians going through some hellish plagues!?? Rav Chaim Soloveichik explained, the gemara’s statement was meant for future generations, they should not sing at a time when life is lost. But the generation, who experiences the savior, as Miriam and Moshe led the song after the splitting of the sea, of course can sing praise as their lives have truly been saved. On seder night, there is an obligation to feel as if we were there, coming out of Egypt. It is as if we experienced this salvation firsthand, and therefore full Hallel can be said wholeheartedly Hallel! THANK YOU FOR BEING HASHEM Song to the tune of “The Theme of The Golden Girls Thank you for being Hashem took us to Egypt and back againyou brought us outwith a "mighty hand" and an "outstretched arm" (bum bum bum) and if you only gave us Shabbos we would still say DAYEINUbut you took us through a seaso our nation could be free and tonight i gotta sayThank You for Being Hashem . Recite praise of G-d for taking us out of Egypt! King Arthur was reviewing his troops, all in a straight line, their armor gleaming----- except for one. His armor was dull, even rusty. and falling apart. King Arthur was enraged. He turned to his second in command and wanted to know: "Mah nishtana ha-leilah ha-zeh?" www.Bangitout.com

Q. Why do we have songs about GOATS at the seder??? R’ Dovid Wilensky Shlita explains that commentators have point out many explanations to this seemingly esoteric diddy.. But the most popular one has been: The Goat = Jewish Nation The 2 Zuzim = 2 Tablets of Tend Commandments Aba = Hashem. All of the rest of the characters in the song are nations that have throughout time tried to destroy us – yes it always ends up with Hashem coming in and saving us from even the worst attackers – so we have nothing to fear!… (Now have some fun trying to pinpoint which evil empire corresponds to each predator in the song!!) Nirtzah! To the Tune of “in the Middle of the Night” by Billy Joel (by David Lederstein "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read". - Groucho Marx www.Bangitout.com

To the "SILVER SPOONS" TV Theme SongHere we are, face to faceA Candle & a Wooden Spoon.Hopin’ to find, the leavened kindMaking it dust, burning's a must.Together, we’re going to find bread todayBedika, searching the erev pesach night away.To search all about fo those 10 things you just can’t find.Wooden Spoon & Candle together.You and I bedika (saying Kol Chamira today)You and I bedika (we’re going to burn it all away)You and I BEDIKA. TO THE "CHEERS" THEME SONGMaking your seder in Florida today takes every penny you've got.Taking a tax break from all your school tuitions, sure would help a lot.Wouldn't you like to get away?Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your last name,and they're always related in some way.You wanna be where you can see, that other people paid the same (for Miami hotel)You wanna be where everybody knows where you're stayin. (Fountain Bleau)You wanna go where people are showy, Brooklyn in Florida is all the same,You wanna go where everybody flies business class on the plane.You want to go where people know, the boardwalk is packed Chol HamoedYou want to go where everybody knows your brother's sister's husband's cousin's butcher's wife's rabbi's brother's name. Additional Songs! To the "Three's Company" Theme SongCome and knock on our door ...We've been waiting for you ...Where the 5th cup is yours and yours and yours,Eliyahu's company, too!Come join us for our sedor...Take 15 steps that are new ...We've lived in galus that now needs your hatzolos,Eliyahu's coming IY"H soon.You'll see that life is a seder and Jerusalem is calling for you ...Israe'ls our rendez-vous,Eliyhu's coming now Nu! To the Tune of "WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US" by Joan OsbourneIf God had a seder, how would it beAnd would God drink the Daled kososIf you were faced with him in all his malchusWhat would you ask, if you had just one kasha?And yeah yeah God eats legumes... yeah yeah God eats corn.....yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahWhat if God ATE KITNIYOS?Just a Sfard like one of usJust a normal baal haabus Trying to find his AfkimomenAnd yeah yeah God eats rice yeah yeah God eats beansyeah yeah yeah yeah yeahWhat if God ate KITNIYOS?rice, corn, peas, and garbonzosJust a sfard from MoroccoTrying to find the afikomen Sing your hearts out, we are free! www.Bangitout.com

Smells Like Seder SpiritTo the tune of the Nirvana Smells Like Teen SpiritClassicLoad up on matzah, bring your friendsIt’s fun to chew, unleavened breadIt tastes like cardboard, Shmura for sureI know I know, Romaine's a dirty herb-----Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Moztei, Matza, Marror, Korech, Shulchan, Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....-------With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious Do we lean now?Entertain usI feel stupid, they enslaved us?Here we are nowMaking KiddushA MoscatoA D'astiAn AfikomenI'm starvingYea!-------I’m worse at making Hillel's sandwich, And for this charoses, I feel blessedOur little people has always been, and always will be persecuted until the end-------Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Mozeit Matza, Marror, Korech, Shulchan Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....-------With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious Do we lean now?Entertain usI feel stupid, which plague is this?Here we are nowMaking KiddushA MoscatoA D'astiAn AfikomenI'm starvingYea! -------And I forget, Just what the plagues did to get us out of Eygpt, winedrops makes me smileI found matza hard, It's hard to swallowOh well, whatever, someone pass the wine-------Kaddaish, Orchatz, Karpatz Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtza, Mozeit Matza, Marror, Korech, Shulchan Oreach, Tzafoon Bariach, Hallel, Nirtza!.....-------With that seder plate out, the table's less spacious Do we lean now?Entertain usI feel stupid, they enslaved us?Here we are nowMaking KiddushA MoscatoA D'astiAn AfikomenCan we go home yet?In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile, In the Nile Sing your hearts out, we are free! www.Bangitout.com

"Seven Refrigerators" The rule in Israel, at least when I lived there, was that a new immigrant could bring in normal household items duty free. But anything that looked like as if it was for resale in Israel was supposed to be subject to import duty. Yankel Levine, a new oleh, goes to Haifa port to claim his household goods that have arrived by ship at last. The excise officer notices on the manifest that Yankel is bringing in seven refrigerators. "Mr. Levine," says the officer, "one refrigerator is allowed duty free, not seven." "But I'm very frum, and I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one just for parve," says Yankel. "All right," says the officer with a sigh, "that makes three. But seven?" "Well, of course," says Yankel, "I need three for most of the year and another three, meat, dairy, and parve, for Pesach." "OK," says the officer, losing patience. "That makes six. What's the seventh one for?" "So nu," says Yankel, "if I want to eat a little treyf once in a while?" Additional Jokes! "Pesach Dictionary?" Chometz = Springtime cheer for NY baseball Team. Matzah = Not all it's cracked up to be. Matzah = gives new meaning for binding covenantMatzah Balls = macho matzah Matzah = perforation for decorative purposes only; it never works. Gefilte fish = after the herring and the shad, now running in the Arthur Kill Chrain = endangered species bird. Farfel = drop from the seventeenth floor. Concord grade wine = you think sugar is sweet? Haggadah = slang for “I obsessively desire it”. Example: Haggadah have it. Stained Haggadah = yearly obsession, treated with Prozac and stain remover. Shankbone = doggy golf shot. Parsley breaking the norm. Karpas usually on the right except in British countries. Choroses a pesadika bed Chopped liver never have with the above because one could contract haroses of the liver. Hillel Sandwich = breaded sage Afikomen = several retainers in German Moror = growl again Kosher for Pesach haute cuisine - Jewish oxymoron Schmaltz = John, pitches for the Braves Laugh your hearts out, we are free! Q: What do you call ten Jewish women in a basement? A: A whine cellar. www.Bangitout.com

G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends." So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said G-d, "It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy." So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" G-d said, "They're free." The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!" An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.“ "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! , and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares." Haiku - Passover. Left the door open For the Prophet Elijah. Now our cat is gone. There once lived a king who had an advisor called Hymie. The king relied so much on the wisdom of Hymie that one day he decided to promote him to chief advisor. But the other advisors objected. They said, "It's OK sitting in counsel with a Jew, but to allow him to boss us about would be unacceptable." The King accepted their argument and ordered Hymie to convert. Hymie had to obey the King. But soon after, Hymie felt great remorse and over the months that followed he became despondent, his health suffered and he grew weak. Finally Hymie could take it no longer and made a decision. He went to the king and said, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I will always be. So do whatever you want with me." The King had no idea Hymie felt so strong about his 'conversion'. "OK," said the King, "if that's how you feel, go be a Jew again. The other advisors will just have to live with it. You're too important for me to lose." On his way back home to tell the news to his family, Hymie felt the strength surge back into his body. When he arrived, he called out to his wife, "Sarah, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again." Sarah glared at him and said, "Couldn't you wait until after Passover?" Additional Jokes! Laugh your hearts out, we are free! www.Bangitout.com

Bangitout’s 2006 Seder Sidekick