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Silence is the Lamb. Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Incest. One in Four Girls. I’ve been hiding and afraid for a long time Trying to keep dark secrets that torture my mind My voice was silenced, my mouth could not speak I had dark secrets I promised myself to keep.
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Silence is the Lamb Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Incest
One in Four Girls I’ve been hiding and afraid for a long time Trying to keep dark secrets that torture my mind My voice was silenced, my mouth could not speak I had dark secrets I promised myself to keep I couldn’t risk taking the blame I couldn’t risk exposing the shame So I just accepted and played a deadly game Of make-believe and masquerade A lost shadow hidden by cold shade
Most Survivors Live in Silence There’s no reason for everyone to feel sad …so with my mouth shut wide I hid all of those secrets deep down inside
The Silent Toll Training Support System Healing “I don’t know what to do for you” – survivor becomes the teacher I can’t stand to see you hurt – survivor becomes the caregiver
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Silent Words • Suggest or imply blame • Minimize survivor’s pain or the experience • Direct survivor away from the pain or experience But within I feel victimized once more The demand for secrecy hurts me to the core
The Pain is in the Silence They can’t see my stomach in a knot My body remembers what my mind forgot Seizures, arthritis, fibroids and fainting spells My body speaks what my mouth can’t tell Running long miles and lifting heavy weight My body also tries to compensate
Invasion of the Body Snatchers Survivors are silent about the pain they experienced, the shame they felt, the control that was taken away from them, and the boundaries that were crossed.
Surviving the Silence • Survivors may engage in behaviors that protect them against the pain of their silence. Consciously or unconsciously, they may use certain behaviors: • To Punish Themselves • To Feel Alive • To Compensate • To Hide • To Cry Out
Silence is not a Quiet Space I never forgot and I never forgave I just kept waiting to be saved Waiting for someone to truly understand Waiting for someone to choose me over a man Waiting for someone to help me speak Waiting for someone to notice I was weak Waiting for someone to catch me when I fall Waiting for someone to help me stand tall Waiting for someone to notice the child is still alive Waiting for someone to help her survive Even as I age and my beauty starts to fade I still found myself waiting to be saved But I remained a damsel in distress My abuse would forever go unaddressed
Silence Doesn’t Last Forever Till a volcano erupted and I got caught in the fire That made me realize that silence is nothing to admire The singe of the fire forced me to scream Loud enough to wake from this very bad dream Disclosure will help my soul to restore Everyday I love myself more and more The night is over, I can see day I walk and talk in truth’s way Today anger fuels my recovery But that’s all just part of my discovery Of the wounded child who is finally set free Who just learned to speak and she can finally see
Create Safe Space Dos Don’ts • Invite person to talk about abuse • Express empathy about the survivor’s experience • Ask details about how the survivor feels and what she needs • Take action to find out information about adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse • Demand the person to talk about the abuse • Overshadow survivor’s feelings with your own feelings about the abuse • Ask details about the abuse • Make the survivor responsible for teaching you about childhood sexual abuse.
Words of Safety I will be here for you and hear what ever you need to say, even if it’s nothing. You are amazing for surviving I’m sorry that happened to you I can’t imagine how bad that felt, but I do know how much I love you Thank you for trusting me to tell me that. I imagine talking about it is difficult
Caboose The Survivor must direct their own course of recovery You are only the caboose Freight trains carry heavy loads So they tend to move along slowly
Allow Survivor to Explore and Express SHAME FEAR ANGER GUILT
IS A JOURNEY
IS A JOURNEY
Presentation by RosennaBakari, Ph.D. Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Incest