An Alternative to Punishment

1. An Alternative to Punishment • It is helpful for parents to use natural & logical consequences rather than punishment when disciplining their children. • Natural consequences occur naturally from behavior (ex. A teenager who forgets to bring their dirty clothes to the laundry room has no clean clothes for the week). • Logical consequences logically fit the nature of the misbehavior, and must be directly related to the behavior (Ex. A teenager who breaks curfew will not be allowed to go out at night the next weekend). • Of course, natural/logical consequences are not to be used for potentially dangerous activities.

2. Why Natural and Logical Consequences are Helpful • Learning from the consequences of one’s behavior helps a teenager to develop self-discipline and internal motivation • It also promotes a positive relationship between the parent and teenager (takes a focus off a discipliner/disciplinee relationship). • The purpose of natural/logical consequences is to encourage teenagers to make responsible decisions…not to force their submission. • It is a good idea for teenagers to assist in planning consequences; this way they are less likely to feel that they are being punished unfairly when the consequences are applied.

3. Putting Natural and Logical Consequences into Action • Some guiding principles for using natural and logical consequences are to be both firm and kind, become more consistent in your actions, encourage independence, and do not try to be a good friend but rather be a responsible parent. • Three steps in applying consequences: • Provide choices and accept your teenager’s decision • As a consequence is followed through, assure your child that there will be an opportunity to change their decision later • And if the adolescent repeats the misbehavior, extend the time that must elapse before he/she may try again

4. More Examples of Using Natural and Logical Consequences • Allow natural consequences to occur on their own. Example: Teen refuses to wake up on time in the mornings for school…don’t nag him to get up, just allow them to be late for school and possibly receive after school detention • Use consequences that logically fit the nature of misbehavior. Example: Teen is caught stealing money from your wallet…insist they keep the money, but have him/her perform chores at home and receive no allowance until all of it is paid back.

5. Take time to Practice Lets try some Examples

6. What are the advantages? • This approach holds the teenager, not the parents, responsible for the child’s behavior and consequences. • Allows teenager to make their own decisions about what courses of action are appropriate. • It permits adolescents to learn from the nature of social order of events rather than forcing them to just comply with the wishes of their parents.

7. What are the difficulties of this approach? • Parents usually do not like to see their children suffer from some of the consequences. • Parents often become discouraged if they do not see changes in the child’s behavior right away. *Patience and encouragement are essential, and with parental consistency teens will eventually learn to accept responsibility for their own behavior in a way that conveys mutual respect and avoids power struggles.