Argumentative essay IMPRESS Your friends! Destroy your enemies! USE BRAIN!

1. Clarke’s Guide HOW TO WRITE AN EFFECTIVE Argumentative essayIMPRESS Your friends! Destroy your enemies! USE BRAIN!

2. CLAIM (thesis, assertion, argument) • Make your position clear. Do this by taking one side of an issue and supporting that stance through the use of evidence (what Stephen Toulmin referred to as GROUNDS). Use an interesting fact, shocking statistic or intriguing anecdote to ‘grab’ your audience. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

3. CLAIM (thesis, assertion, argument) • The RHETORICAL SITUATION should be clear from one’s intro as well. In this case it is implied through the use of the anecdote, as well as the grounds. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

4. CLAIM (thesis, assertion, argument) • Your thesis doesn’t have to be a single sentence, or even a single paragraph. Now this author has divided his intro paragraph in two, separating his ‘grabber’ from a second paragraph that clearly outline his position. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

5. GROUNDS (evidence, data, support) • Incorporated into the second paragraph are this author’s grounds. The colored text below indicates 5 potential body paragraphs. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

6. GROUNDS (evidence, data, support) • In addition to these 5 body paragraphs, there are already 2 paragrphs that serve as an introduction. The 5 body paragraphs could easily be subdivided as well. The pink text, for instance, could easily become 5 separate paragraphs. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

7. WARRANT / BACKING • These are IMPLIED. You should NOT write “I assume that you agree with me that…”. But the last sentence certainly implies both the warrant and backing. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

8. WARRANT / BACKING • These are IMPLIED. You should NOT write “I assume that you agree with me that…”. But the last sentence certainly implies both the warrant and backing. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

9. REBUTTAL (refutatio, counterargument, contradiction) • An effective argumentative essay includes one or more rebuttal paragraphs. This is where you anticipate one or more opposing arguments a launch a pre-emptive strike. • EXAMPLE: Opponents of Article 741-A, entitled “The Maryland Background Check for Nuclear Weapon Purchase and Registration but not Guns Unless We Decide to Change it Later, Which we can Definitely Do but Promise We Won’t, Probably Freedom and Justice Feed The Hungry Act of 2063”, say that background checks are an invasion of privacy. But what privacy do we really have at this point? We’ve allowed the Federal government to mount cameras and microphones in every bathroom, bedroom and board room in America via the “Freedom for Minorities” Act of 2058, and with the new iThink phone implants, the government can ‘hear’ everything we think. This law is just one more step to freedom. If a citizen is not doing (or thinking) anything wrong, they have nothing to fear.

10. MODAL QUALIFIERS • An effective rhetorician is smart enough to qualify his or her argument. This author has used modal qualification in the pink text. • EXAMPLE: On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater in downtown Springfield when she was confronted by a dirty, smelly, crazy-eyed man wearing a small nuclear weapon on his back. She immediately recognized the PND (Personal Nuclear Device) as an Acme 120-B, better known as a “Betty”. The man demanded that Sofia give him her purse. When she politely declined, the man detonated the device, destroying the small city and killing most of its 32.000 residents. He did not get the purse. • Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man (Bert Snurt, who had recently been released from St. Agnostic’s Mental Health Care Facility) to undergo a background check, he likely would not have been in possession of the Betty. This kind of event happens every day, and many of them could be avoided by implementing a simple background-check system, run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation. These checks could be conducted at the point of purchase, whether that place is one of the chain-stores (Nukie’s, Atoms R Us, etc) or a small independent nuclear retailer. Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability, a felony record, a misdemeanor record, outstanding parking violations, or an unusual love of cheese. In countries where background checks are required, nuclear detonations of more than a single kiloton are extremely rare, especially on weekdays. Another reason background checks are a good idea is that a license to obtain a PND is usually somewhat costly, and that would bring in tax dollars. In Capncrunchistan, a license to own a PND is six flarbles, roughly equivalent to 3.8 million U.S. dollars. Besides the danger of nuclear blasts going off all the time, there is another factor to consider: they are very noisy, and wake people up. These are just some of the reasons that PND background checks need to be mandated.

11. EXPAND & ELABORATE • At this point, the author has expanded and elaborated his argument to include the following paragraphs: • 1) On June 3, 1998, Sofia Smiff was walking home from a theater… • 2) Had there been stronger regulations requiring the man… • 3) run by either the U.S. Government or McDonald’s Corporation • 4) Some of the reasons a potential buyer could be declined a PND might include mental instability • 5) a felony record, • 6) a misdemeanor record, • 7) outstanding parking violations • 8) an unusual love of cheese. • 9) Opponents of Article 741-A, entitled … (Rebuttal) All we have left is…

12. THE CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH • Although conclusions generally do not cause students as much trouble as introductions, they are nearly as difficult to get right. Contrary to popular belief, conclusions do not merely restate the thesis, and they should never begin with "In conclusion…" They represent your last chance to say something important to your readers, and can be used for some, or all, of the following tasks: • Emphasizing the purpose and importance of your essay • Explaining the significance or consequences of your findings • Indicating the wider applications of the method developed in your essay • Establishing your essay as the basis for further investigation • To show other directions of inquiry into the subject • EXAMPLE:

13. THE CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH • Although conclusions generally do not cause students as much trouble as introductions, they are nearly as difficult to get right. Contrary to popular belief, conclusions do not merely restate the thesis, and they should never begin with "In conclusion…" They represent your last chance to say something important to your readers, and can be used for some, or all, of the following tasks: • 2 EXAMPLES: • For all we know, occasional viable crosses between humans and chimpanzees are possible. The natural experiment must have been tried very infrequently, at least recently. If such off-spring are ever produced, what will their legal status be? The cognitive abilities of chimpanzees force us, I think, to raise searching questions about the boundaries of the community of beings to which special ethical considerations are due, and can, I hope, help to extend our ethical perspectives downward through the taxa on Earth and upwards to extraterrestrial organisms, if they exist. —Sagan, "The Abstractions of Beasts" • If AIDS is natural, then there is no message in its spread. But by all that science has learned and all that rationality proclaims, AIDS works by a mechanism—and we can discover it. Victory is not ordained by any principle of progress, or any slogan of technology, so we shall have to fight like hell, and be watchful. There is no message, but there is a mechanism. —Gould, "The Terrifying Normalcy of AIDS"

14. THE CONCLUSION PARAGRAPH • Although conclusions generally do not cause students as much trouble as introductions, they are nearly as difficult to get right. Contrary to popular belief, conclusions do not merely restate the thesis, and they should never begin with "In conclusion…" They represent your last chance to say something important to your readers, and can be used for some, or all, of the following tasks: • NOTE: • I chose those two examples because you can read them and know exactly what the author was arguing. You understand their stance, voice and some of the rhetorical situation. And that’s just from reading the conclusion. You should strive to accomplish the same thing.

15. NOTES & SUGGESTIONS: • Everything you have learned about rhetoric through analysis applies to creating your own arguments. • Logos, Ethos and Pathos are all present in any effective argument • Consider FIDDS and SOAPSTone as you revise your drafts. You, the author, should be using ALL OF IT. • Break it down: Ask yourself… What is the Rhetorical Situation? • Who is my Audience? • What is my voice? What is my persona? Why in God’s name did I take this class? • Is my tone appropriate and effective? Why is Clarke such a jerk? • Am I creating the mood I want to create? Will I ever get another good night of sleep? • ABOVE ALL ELSE, use the Toulmin Method. If it’s not obvious by now that this entire course is predicated on the teachings of Aristotle, and by proxy Stephen Toulmin, you haven’t been paying attention.