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Have A New Teenager by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman

Have A New Teenager by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman. FCMS/Teens & In-Betweens March 2012. He/She used to be normal. What happened?. He eats cereal out of a large mixing bowl. Her bedroom looks like a garbage dump...on a good day. If there were an Academy Award for eye-rolling, he’d win.

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Have A New Teenager by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman

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  1. Have A New Teenager by Fridayby: Dr. Kevin Leman FCMS/Teens & In-Betweens March 2012

  2. He/She used to be normal. What happened? • He eats cereal out of a large mixing bowl. • Her bedroom looks like a garbage dump...on a good day. • If there were an Academy Award for eye-rolling, he’d win. • She changes outfits three times before breakfast.

  3. Congratulations!!! • You have a tween-ager/teenager in your home!!!

  4. It’s not your Grandma’s World... • Today’s children are growing up faster than ever before. • Issues: cutting, drugs, depression, suicide, terrorism threats, uncertain economic future, anorexia...peer pressure, hormone changes, homework, life stresses, worry about getting into college...

  5. If you want to have a new teenager by Friday, the rules must change - with NO warning... • p. 29 - Dr. Leman...

  6. Monday • Points to consider... • Decide: total reconstruction, partial replacement, or a little paint job • Identify your parenting style: “Whatever you want, dear”...”It’s my way or the highway”...or “Equal but different roles” • Develop a game plan.

  7. How can I help my tweenager/teenager? • What kind of construction work do you need? • Total reconstruction - Your teenager is telling you where to go and what he/she is going to do... • Partial replacement - Your kid has turned lazy - “forgets” to do his/her chores... • Paint job - Your kid is getting mouthy - becoming a Mister/Miss “Know-it-all.”

  8. Act - Don’t React • Respect begins from the earliest of stages and builds up over years of relationship together. • Battle of the wills - 18 months and up • Pick your battles so that you don’t react but act. • Reacting takes you out of the driver’s seat & flings you onto a moment by moment roller coaster. • Acting allows you to sit back, relax, say things ONCE and HOLD FIRM, and remain calmly in control - letting the chips fall where they may.

  9. So when your two-year old spouted off, how did you respond? • You said, “Oh Johnny, you shouldn’t talk that way - it’s not nice...I’m going to give you one more chance to be nice.” • Or - “Young man, you’ve just earned yourself a time-out. Get in the corner for the rest of the morning!” • Or - You turned, walked into another room, and ignored him. Later, when he wanted to play with his favorite toy, you said, “No, you can’t play with that toy today. I don’t like the way you talked to me.” (No amount of pleading changed your mind either.)

  10. Which scene played out over and over in your house? • Your child didn’t morph overnight into this alien teenage creature...guess where he had help from? • How we’ve acted as parents and how we’ve run our homes has everything to do with the person our teenagers are now!

  11. What kind of parent are you? • Whatever you want, dear...” (Permissive) • Anything goes...few guidelines/boundaries...no one feels safe • These parents want their kids to be happy...Per Dr. Leman, ”An unhappy teenager is a healthy teenager.” • When was the last time in your life your were happy 24/7? • Life -curveballs...reality • Teenagers don’t need another friend...they need a parent...

  12. Patterns are ingrained after many years...work hard to combat them... • Change starts with you and your own willingness to turn things around. • RELATIONSHIP is key... • Respect is a two-way street... • Watch your own “tude.” • Disciple - not discipline...car keys

  13. My Way or the Highway - Authoritarian • “Do what I say because you have to, and I won’t have it any other way.” • This will be met with outright rebellion... • These parents often come from strict, traditional roots ...were not allowed to have a say in their own homes when they were growing up. • May possibly need to control others to feel good about themselves.

  14. Often authoritarian parents struggle with anger issues - their families tend to walk a tightrope, hoping not to upset Dad/Mom. • Home -encouragement... • Authoritarian - do not need just a paint job - they need some “foundational work!” • Must completely change the way they think and act toward their teenagers...don’t try to control - encourage and partner.

  15. Either extreme - permissive or authoritarian is dangerous... • If you’re a “whatever” parent - begin by respecting yourself enough to stand up for yourself - say NO and stick to it. • “My way or highway...” realize that you are not better than your child - you have a different role - think before you speak - encourage/nurture...

  16. Hot topics...Angry teen • p. 128 - Jason • Don’t let his/her anger build up... • Balloon - breaths of air • Let him/her talk - (We need to keep our mouths shut - just listen!) • Empower...

  17. Doesn’t fit in with peers... • p. 174 - Jimmy

  18. Slamming doors... • p. 176 -

  19. It’s all about relationships... • Live...laugh...love... • Your teenager will eventually grow up to be someone in whom you can have a deep, meaningful conversation with... • Hang in there!

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