The Happiness Pack

1. The Happiness Pack Some ideas and exercises on the theme of happiness

2. Introduction When you ask parents what they want for their children, they often say: “We want them to be happy.” So the question is: “How do people achieve happiness?” Some people say that happiness is an outcome of pursuing certain principles, rather than an end in itself. During the past 40 years, however, Positive Psychology has researched the topic of happiness. It has asked: “What kinds of people are happy? “What are the principles such people follow to be happy? “Is it possible for other people to follow these principles in their own ways to maintain or improve their happiness?”

3. The recent work on happiness was inspired by psychologists such as Martin Seligman, who wrote Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness. Later he would express reservations about the term ‘happiness’. Since then he and other researchers have used terms such as ‘well-being’, ‘flourishing’, ‘thriving’ and ‘life-satisfaction’. But many people continue to refer to the approach as focusing on happiness. The researchers who explore this and related topics include Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Tal Ben-Shahar, Barbara Fredrickson, Tom Rath and many others. Here are some of their books.

6. The following pages outline some of the themes that have emerged from work on areas such as psychological health, hope and happiness. These are followed by exercises on each of the topics. The pack provide an introduction to these themes. Each theme could, of course, be explored in much more detail. As ever, take the best and leave the rest. Here is an overview of some of the principles that have emerged. You will, of course, have your own views on themes that could be added.

7. Happiness Some of the characteristics of people who are happy

8. Being grateful Being positive Being encouraged Being ‘alive’ Being creative

9. Being true to yourself Being able to create a sense of purpose Being generous and kind Being the best you can be, rather than comparing yourself with others Being able to enjoy a sense of peace

10. Gratitude

11. Introduction Happy people are often humble and have a sense of gratitude. They are thankful for what life has given them. “What you focus on, you become,” we are told. This is borne out by research into people who count their blessings. They become happier than those who count their burdens. Robert Emmons highlights this in his book Thanks. He described the work that he and Michael E. McCullough did with 3 separate groups over 10 weeks. Those taking part began by keeping daily journals detailing their attitudes, moods and physical health. Each group was then asked to record different things at the end of each week.

12. Group A: The Gratitude Group. They were asked to write down 5 things they were grateful for that had happened in the previous week. This was called the Gratitude Condition. Group B. The Hassle Group They were asked to write down 5 hassles that had happened in the previous week. This was called the Hassle Condition. Group C. The Events Group. They were asked to write down 5 events that had happened in the previous week, but not to focus on positive or negative aspects.

13. The results were as expected. People in Group A felt 25% happier than they had previously. They felt better about their lives and more optimistic about the future. Robert Emmons believes that: “Gratitude enriches human life. It elevates, energises, inspires and transforms. People are moved, opened and humbled through expressions of gratitude.” The introduction to Robert’s book is written by Brother David Steindl-Rast, who is known for his work on gratitude.

14. Brother David grew up in Austria, where he studied art, anthropology and psychology. He moved to the United States and joined a Benedictine Monastery in New York in 1953. Here are some of his thoughts on gratitude. “Everything is a gift. The degree to which we are awake to this truth is a measure of our gratefulness, and gratefulness is a measure of our aliveness. “Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy - because we will always want to have something else or something more. "The root of joy is gratefulness … It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

15. The root of joy is gratefulness. It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful. Count your blessings and you will find them to be countless, even in the midst of adversity and tragic circumstances. What we really want is joy. We don’t want things. Brother David Steindl-Rast

16. He goes on to say that: “Count your blessings and you will find them to be countless, even in the midst of adversity and tragic circumstances. “The practice of gratefulness that I’m concerned with is grateful living. That means every moment of your life you practice gratefulness. “You practice awareness that everything is a gift, everything is gratuitous, and if it’s all given, gratuitously given, then the only appropriate response is gratefulness.”

17. My Gratitude Journal

18. Introduction There are many exercises on gratitude. This one is based on those that invite people to keep a gratitude journal. It invites you to look back on the day and do two things. * Describe the things you have enjoyed, been thankful for or appreciated today. * Describe the things you are looking forward to doing, experiencing or giving to others tomorrow. You can, of course, use other time frames. Such as looking back at a week, month or whatever. Here is the exercise.

19. The things I have enjoyed doing, been thankful for or appreciated today have been: * * * * *

20. The things I am looking forward to doing, experiencing or giving to others tomorrow are: * * * * *

21. My Assets

22. Introduction Many of us already have many inner resources and talents. These are the things that make up our true wealth. This exercise invites you to take three steps. * Describe your personal assets. For example, your health, family, friends, finances, attitude, ability to overcome adversity, personal drive and whatever. * Describe your professional assets. For example, your past achievements, talents, creativity, work ethic, personal network, satisfied customers, experience, knowledge and whatever.

23. * Describe how you can use your assets. How can you use your assets? How can you use these gifts to encourage other people? How can you use them to achieve your goals? Try completing the following exercise.

24. Personal Assets The personal assets I have are: * * * * *

25. Professional Assets The professional assets I have are: * * * * *

26. Making Use Of My Assets The specific things I can do to make use of my assets are: * * *

27. Positivity

28. Introduction People make choices everyday. They can choose to be positive or negative, to be creators or critics, to take responsibility or avoid responsibility. Each choice does, of course, have consequences. The attitude they choose can have an influence on both themselves and other people. People who choose to have a positive attitude are more likely to generate inner strength. Studies of resilient people, for example, show they are ‘positive realists’. Such people have a positive approach, but also quickly read reality. They focus on influencing what they can control, rather than worrying about what they can’t. They then do their best to achieve their picture of success.

29. People who choose to have a negative attitude tend to generate feelings of weakness. Such people worry about things they can’t control and feel the world is against them. They tend to spread negative energy and this can affect other people. People do not always choose what happens to them. But, as Viktor Frankl says, people often have the chance to choose their response to what happens. Writing about his experiences in the concentration camps, Frankl said: “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

30. People can choose To be positive To be negative To be creators To be complainers To take responsibility To avoid responsibility

31. People make choices and each choice has consequences A B C Pluses * _________ Minuses * _________ Pluses * _________ Minuses * _________ Pluses * _________ Minuses * _________

32. Barbara Fredrickson and Positivity Barbara Fredrickson explains the importance of positivity in her book on this theme. She found that positivity increases our ability to live flourishing, rather than languishing, lives. She says: “People who have positive emotions in a ratio of 3:1 in relation to negative emotions are more likely to flourish.” Some people dispute this ratio, but the principle is worthwhile exploring.

33. Barbara explains: “The consistency here is extraordinary. For individuals, marriages and business teams, flourishing – doing remarkably well – comes with positivity ratios above 3 to 1. “By contrast, those who don’t overcome their depression, couples who fail in their marriages, and business teams that are unpopular and unprofitable each have ratios in the gutter, below 1 to 1.” The key is to increase: “The amount of positive emotions you have in relation to negative emotions.” You can test your own positivity ratio at the following site. http://www.positivityratio.com/single.php

34. Positivity Ratios Peak Performing and Flourishing Coping:Managing To Keep Head Above Water Languishing With Little Sign Of Hope Possible Depression 3+ 2+ 2 1 1 1 1 1

35. People choose their attitude and, as mentioned earlier, this can affect others around them. The following exercises invite you to focus on two things. * Clarifying your positive energy. This exercise invites you to clarify the things that give you positive energy. * Choosing to be positive. This invites you to clarify the specific things you can do to be positive in your life and work. * Clarifying your level of self-confidence. This invites you to clarify the positive and not so positive influences you may have in your life and work.

36. Positive Energy

37. Introduction Energy is life. This exercise invites you to list the things that give you positive energy. These may include doing certain activities, being with certain people, following certain passions, doing certain professional projects or whatever. The activities that give you positive energy – even when you simply think about them - can provide clues to your strengths. They can also help you to make decisions. When in doubt, you can ask yourself: Which option gives me the most positive energy? So try completing the following exercise.

38. Positive Energy The things that give me positive energy are: * * * * *

39. Choosing To Be Positive

40. The specific things I can do to be positive in my life and work –including being positive towards others – are: * To For example: * To For example: * To For example:

41. The benefits of doing these things – both for myself and for others – may be: * To For example: * To For example: * To For example:

42. Self-Confidence Pot Fillers and Pot Drillers

43. Introduction There are many exercises for clarifying our levels of positivity, confidence and energy. One of this is based on Virginia Satir's work with the Self-Confidence Pot. A great family therapist, Virginia invited people to see their self-confidence as a pot. Sometimes they would have lots of confidence in the pot, other times they would have little. Sometimes this was related to whether they were surrounded by Pot Fillers or Pot Drillers. Virginia introduced this idea in the 1950s. It was later used by many other people who talked about Energy Givers and Energy Drains. But it is worth revisiting her original work.

44. Clarifying Your Level of Self-Confidence Start by drawing an imaginary pot. Looking at the pot, draw a line that corresponds to how high your self-confidence is today. If you have high confidence, you can draw it high up the pot. If your confidence is low, you can draw it at a lower point in the pot. The next step explores why it may be at this level. Clarifying Your Pot Fillers Write the names of your pot fillers. These are the people who give you encouragement and energy. You look forward to seeing these people and feel more alive after meeting them. Also describe the things you do to give yourself energy, such as listening to music, reading, gardening or whatever.

45. The Self-Confidence Pot Draw a line showing how high your self confidence is at the moment. If you have high confidence, it will be high in the pot. If low confidence, then it will be lower.

46. If you have lots of things that give you positive energy, your pot will be overflowing. You will then be more able to pass-on encouragement to other people. But there may be complications, which brings us to the next part of the exercise.  Clarifying Your Pot Drillers Write the names of the pot drillers. These are people who sap energy. They leave you feeling drained and discouraged. The more significant they are in the your life, the nearer they will be to the base. It is also possible, of course, that you may do things that drill your own pot.

47. The Self-Confidence Pot You may have both Pot Fillers and Pot Drillers.

48. One key point is worth remembering. Whilst we may have people who discourage us, we may also 'allow' them to have this effect. If a person is being negative, for example, sometimes we may have the option of going out of the room, giving them a positive alternative or doing other things to stop their energy affecting us. This is not always the case, but there are options we can apply for dealing with the negative energy. Some people may be both pot fillers and pot drillers. They may have a ‘pleasing–hurting’ pattern. Sometimes they are positive then, without warning, they lash out. If this is this case, clarify the specific things these people do to encourage or drain you.

49. Clarifying How To Raise The Level Of Self-Confidence “It is my responsibility to take charge of my future,” said one person. “I need to spend more time doing the things that give me positive energy. Sometimes I allow some people to have a negative influence on me. I am going to control what I can in those situations.” How can you maintain confidence and also encourage other people? Here are some suggestions to consider. * Spend more time with people who give you energy. Spend time with your encouragers and, if possible, work with colleagues you find stimulating. People often find that, as they get older, they spend more time with personal and professional soul mates.

50. Encourage yourself. Do more of the things you love such as listening to music, visiting the theatre or whatever. * Spend less time - or no time - with people who drain energy. Radical changes are difficult to make overnight but, unless the holes are filled, encouragement will simply flow out of the bottom. You can do two things with the stoppers. - Stop seeing people who drain energy. Why take such a drastic step? Energy is life. We need pure energy, rather than poisonous energy. Unless the holes are filled, encouragement will ebb away.