b e honest -YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HIM EITHER written by Ian Kerner

be honest-YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HIM EITHERwritten by Ian Kerner DaniellaFusarofusarod2@mail.montclair.edu Frank Garcia garciaf4@mail.montclair.edu Ryan Fisher fisherr7@mail.monclair.edu

Introduction and Book Thesis Description • Geared towards single women in pursuit of finding a healthy relationship • Does not promote casual sex • However, advocates not settling & lowering standards • Book separated into 3 parts: Sex, The Marketplace and The Cycle * Foreword by Amy Sohn and Conclusion by Lisa Rubisch (Ian’s wife)

Introduction and Book Thesis Description • Debates whether the perception of sexual relations is based on societal or biological differences • Psychological and physical needs compared to rats and voles • Psychological goals to encourage women to raise their standards and reach for love • Sex glossary

Introduction and Book Thesis Description • 50% of marriages end in divorce • 60% of remarriages end in divorce • Marry for the wrong reasons • All of their friends are marrying • Just want the ring • Biological needs (time) • Men are waiting until 27 to get married (study by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University)

Introduction and Book Thesis Description • Set your standards high but realistic • Being single is not a bad thing • Get to know yourself before you date the wrong people • Concludes with real life scenarios based on patient’s experiences

Introduction and Book Thesis Description • Main Thesis: To maintain a relationship status with a member of the opposite sex, heterosexual women will compromise their standards and expectations to attract a mate.

Ian Kerner • Ph.D. and FAACS, certified to counsel by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) • Diplomate in Sex Therapy of the American Board of Sexology • Member of The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSIS) as well as on the faculty of the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. • Graduate of Brandeis University • After much research, Ph.D. is undetermined

Data • No specific research mentioned in the book • Acknowledgements include: friends, patients, colleagues and “women and men of America” • Ian collects his information based on interviews and experiences from clients, in which he changes their names

Data • As quoted in the book, “the median age for first marriage for men has reached twenty-seven, the highest age in our nation’s history.” • The graph is evident of how Ian suggests not to rush into marriage, based on the divorce statistics. http://www.biblenews1.com/marriage/marriags.htm

Results • Data reports that later marriages survive the long haul however the quality is poor. • The highest quality marriages report to be between the ages 22-25. http://search.proquest.com/docview/746541230?accountid=12536 • The book is geared towards a younger female audience. • Men misperceive women’s motives for sex.http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2885706/ • This evidence is largely driven by men who promote and pursue sexual stereotypes aka “rats”.

Results • Helpful? • Depends on personal experience of reader. • Provides a relatable perspective however, none of it is based on longitudinal research. • Trained? • Yes, based on his credentials. • However, mainly driven by current social stigmas of dating.

Discussion • Because of the target audience, this book is not intended for ALL single females. • However based on scholarly sources we have found that “the optimal time for first marriage for most persons is ages 22–25. “ • As a result this book would benefit a mid-twenties audience on the hunt for marriage or a successful relationship.

Discussion • By involving more precise research, women may find this book more accurate and credible. • The data we found supports current trends on dating and success rates of relationships and marriages. • Our data only further supported the context of the book and clarified any unsure thoughts.

Exam Questions • 1. What is the optimal age for marriage? A. 25-30 B. 22-25 C. 35-40 D. 32-35 • 2. Which of the following statements is true? A. The older you are the higher quality of marriage you will have. B. Younger people have better sex but worse marriages. C. The later you get married the better survival rate however have poorer quality. • 3. How is sexual perspective affected by gender? A. Women want to sleep with every man. B. Men only view women in a platonic role. C. Men perceive a greater degree of sexual intent.

References • Farris, C, Treat, T, Viken, R, & McFall, R. (2008). Sexual coercion and the misperception of sexual intent. Clinical Psychology Review, 28(1), 48-66. • Glenn, N, Uecker, J, & Love, R. (2010). Later first marriage and marital success. . Social Science Research , 787-800. • Kerner, I. (2006). be honest- you're not that into him either. New York, NY: HarperCollins. • US Census Bureau. (2009). Marriage statistics. Retrieved from http://www.biblenews1.com/marriage/marriags.htm

THE END!

b e honest -YOU’RE NOT THAT INTO HIM EITHER written by Ian Kerner