The Relationship Bank Account

1. Pathways to Careers The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens The Relationship Bank Account

2. Starter • In your Journal or a separate sheet of paper… • Write down the nicest thing your best friend has ever done or said to you. • Write down the meanest thing your worst enemy has ever done or said to you. (Don’t use actual bad words) • Write down the meanest thing your best friend has ever done or said to you. (Don’t use actual bad words) • Write down the nicest thing your worst enemy has ever done or said to you.

3. The Stuff Life is Made Of “On their deathbed nobody has ever wished they has spent more time at the office.” • What do you think they wished they had spent more time doing? • What do you think you will say when you are on your death bed?

4. Your Relationships • Rate your relationships from 1-5 (1 bad; 5 Great) • Friends • Parents or guardians • Significant other (if you have one) • Teachers

5. Previous Information • In Habits 1-3 we discussed • Be Proactive- take control of your life, don’t let other people run you • Begin With the End in Mind- have goals and work toward them • Put First Things First- Now that you have goals, prioritize your actions to accomplish those goals These are all internal actions

6. Habits 4-6- External • Each have to do with relationships • Habit 4- Think Win-Win 2. Habit 5- Seek first to understand, then be understood 3. Habit 6- Synergize

7. Relationships • The key to mastering relationships is mastering yourself first- that was the first 3 Habits • What makes a successful relationship? • Who is usually the problem in your relationship issues?

8. Why are relationships important? • Personal happiness- who wants to hang out with people who don’t enjoy themselves • Family happiness- who likes the parents that always nags; who likes the teenager who always complains • PROFESSIONAL HAPPINESS- being able to get along with others will determine how successful you are in your career or job

9. Today- January 10 • Starter Write down the last bit of gossip you heard about someone. Don’t use names, just write what was said (don’t use bad words either)

10. The Relationship Bank Account • It works like a checking account • Positive things improve a relationship • Negative things hurt a relationship • A strong and healthy relationship is always a result of steady deposits made over a long period

11. Three Things about the RBA • You have a Relationship Bank Account with everyone you meet • You can never close an RBA once it opens • Deposits evaporate (are forgotten) and withdrawals turn to stone (never forgotten) • Continually make small deposits into the RBA with people

12. Keeping Promises • Read Excerpt page 134 (Sean)- 135 (ends with again)

13. Keeping Promises • Build Trust • By keeping small commitments and promises • Do what you say you are going to do • Give out promises sparingly • Too many promises stretch your ability to keep up (Yes Man!) • If you can’t keep a promise • Tell the person • Tell them why, they will understand if you mean it

14. Do Small Acts of Kindness • Read the excerpt on page 136-137 (When I was in 9th grade) • “one kind word can warm three winter months” ~Japanese saying

15. Do Small Acts of Kindness • To build friendships • Keep your promises • Do small things that make others happy • They don’t have to be all the time • They don’t have to cost money • They don’t have to be big • It can be as simple as a compliment or just saying “hi”

16. Do Small Acts of Kindness • Read the example on page 137 • If you have something nice to say… SAY IT!!!

17. Be Loyal • Read the paragraph on page 138 (as a junior) • Be loyal to people not only when they are with you, but when they are not. • Don’t talk behind people’s backs

18. Be Loyal • Not being loyal hurts you in 2 ways • It is a withdrawal from the PBA of people hearing you. • If you are talking about your friend when they are not around, what will you say about these guys when they are not around? 2. Invisible withdrawal- somehow people know when you have talked bad about them

19. Be Loyal • Gossip • Girls do it more than boys (we use physical aggression) • It makes the gossiper feel powerful- reputations in the palm of your hand • Is a sign of insecurity • Usually aimed at someone who • Looks different • Is confident • Thinks different

20. Be Loyal • Read the story on page 139 (the summer following)

21. Be Loyal • Keep secrets • Avoid gossip • You can talk about others, but do it in a constructive way • Stick up for others • Read passage on page 140 (one day)

22. Listen • Just listening to someone can be the greatest and easiest deposit into the RBA • Most people don’t listen • Listening heals wounds (read top of page 141) • Helps build friendships

23. Say your Sorry • Saying your sorry makes a deposit into an overdrawn RBA • Lets people know you are willing to admit you are wrong • It is hard to admit you when you are wrong • Don’t let pride get in the way • Don’t let fear get in the way • Saying sorry disarms people who are mad • Read bottom of 141

24. Set clear expectations • We have a tendency to try to be nice. • We often say things that DON’T hurt feelings, even when we don’t mean it • This leads people on • Let people know what you can/can’t or are willing/not willing to do upfront.