Adding detail to your work

Adding detail to your work To explore ways to add depth and detail to our work.

Vocab • A modern-day Janissary • Juan-Bautista • Disenfranchised • Catalyst Write a single sentence that contains all of the above.

Introductions There are only so many times one person can read the following before imploding: Mohsin Hamid’s 2007 novel, ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’, is about a Pakistani man named Changez who goes to America. We can do better.

Introductions People are still struggling to write fluent introductions. Here is the opening of a decent intro that has a few minor problems: MohsinHamid’s 2007 novel, ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’, delves into the events of 9/11 and its affect on America. The novel’s protagonist, Changez, did suffer a similar fate to Erica; however, his possible demise remains unknown. Themes such as….

The problem with using a standard intro line: Mohsin Hamid’s 2007 novel, ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’, delves into the events of 9/11 and its affect on America. The novel’s protagonist, Changez, did suffer a similar fate to Erica; however, his possible demise remains unknown. There is little relation between the first and second sentences Changez is introduced as the protagonist, but Erica is not introduced at all The use of the word ‘did’ makes this intro sound like a direct answer to a question, rather than a stand alone piece.

Tailor your opening to the question Mohsin Hamid’s 2007 novel, ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’, delves into the events of 9/11 and its affect on the lives of two people. Both the novel’s protagonist, Changez, and his love interest, Erica, suffer a similar fate; however, the purposeful ambiguity of Hamid’s narrative leaves a definite conclusion up to the reader. Themes of…

Do not be too eager to simply state your contention and then move into your first main body paragraph. • After you state your contention, you should expand upon it. Imagine someone asking ‘WHY?’ directly after your contention. You then need to answer this with the general areas your essay will go to prove your contention.

“You’re a watchful guy. You know where that comes from? It comes from feeling out of place.” Changez is not the only outsider in The Reluctant Fundamentalist- every character is an outsider. Discuss.

Mohsin Hamid’s 2007 novel, ‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’, is a potent example of post 9/11 literature which presents an array of characters who “feel out of place”. While we see some characters who are not outsiders, Hamid uses the protagonist, Changez, to reveal that many people are outsiders at some point of their lives. WHY?BECAUSE In Hamid’s framed narrative we see that due to time, location and status, characters feel either connected or disenfranchised. Erica, Changez’s love interest, is “broken” and lost to nostalgia whereas both Changez and his boss, Jim, have risen to the highest levels of society feeling as though they are “on the outside looking in”. For Changez his time as an outsider is limited to his years in America as the emotional pull of nostalgia draws him home. In a reversal of genre conventions, the recipient of Changez’s one sided conversation, the unnamed American, “with his back to the wall”, is clearly portrayed as an outsider in the midst of a seemingly hostile environment.

Depth and detail You have now been studying this novel for the last 15 years of your life (at least that is how long it feels like), so it would be a shame to write a whole essay without mentioning such wonderful characters as Wainright and Juan-Bautista. Or those other details such as the Puk-Punjab Deli or Changez’s visit to Pablo Neruda’s home. You cannot pack every character or detail into your essay, but here an there it – when appropriate – you need to show the depth of your understanding. Time is a crucial factor and if you haven’t practised then you will find yourself out of time and out of luck.

There are also so many people missing opportunities to comment on the construction of the novel, symbolism, authorial intentions, cultural values, etc…

Erica’s fate is foreshadowed • You have just finished stating that Erica is detached from society. You even got in a quote. You are feeling fairly awesome. Erica is presented as being detached from society and is in her own way an outsider. “I perceivedthattherewassomethingbrokenbehindthem (her eyes).” This early indication of Erica’s future fate is also symbolic of the underlying flaws in America’s society.

Erica is presented as being detached from society and is in her own way an outsider. “I perceived that there was something broken behind them (her eyes).” This early indication of Erica’s future fate is also symbolic of the underlying flaws in America’s society. Changezpoints out a painting from her deceased love, Chris. The symbolism of the painting’s subject, an island, is revealed throughout the course of the novel as her separation from society. Now you are thinking: That’s it, I’m awesome – job done. But you can still go further.

Erica is presented as being detached from society and is in her own way an outsider. “I perceived that there was something broken behind them (her eyes).” This early indication of Erica’s future fate is also symbolic of the underlying flaws in America’s society. Changez points out a painting from her deceased love, Chris. The symbolism of the painting’s subject, an island, is revealed throughout the course of the novel as her separation from society. This motif appears again while Changez is on assignment in Manila and Erica refers to rock pools that looked like “islands, cut off from society” once again emphasising Erica’s disconnection from society. Now you had better move on before you run out of time.

Adding detail Let’s say you want to add a detail, but you are running short of time. You have in your mind the point you want to make: • Changez once again transforms his personality to suit his environment. Now you remember that a possible symbolic meaning behind his name is ‘change’ and you want to add this in.

You could just tag it on the end of something… • Changez once again transforms his personality to suit his environment. Hamid may have named the protagonist deliberately to suggest that he changes to suit his environment. But wait! This is clunky, it breaks the flow of your writing and you have wasted too much time. If only there was a better way!

Subordinate clause to the rescue: The ‘S’ is for Subordinate

Subordinate Clauses: • Are inserted inside a sentence • Are separated by commas on either side • Can be fully removed and the remaining sentence still makes sense EG: The dog,which had always barked,was not missed by the children.

Let’s have a go Original sentence: Australia is a large country. Additional information: Australia is an island Using a subordinate clause, combine the two.

Australia, which is an island, is a large country.

Now something more complicated: • Changez once again transforms his personality to suit his environment. Now you remember that a possible symbolic meaning behind his name is ‘change’ and you want to add this in. Using the subordinate clause combine the two.

Using a subordinate clause to add detail. • Changez once again, possibly as suggested by Hamid’s choice of name, transforms his personality to suit his environment.

Paragraph Structure Another issue is that people are jumping from their topic sentence to their evidence without explaining/ introducing what they are about to present: As the 9/11 attacks changed America forever, they too changed him. “Your country’s flag invaded New York after the attacks, it was everywhere.” making him miss home…

As the 9/11 attacks changed America forever, they too changed him. Changez sees the post 9/11 surge in patriotism as a threat to his cultural identity. “Your country’s flag invaded New York after the attacks, it was everywhere.” Subsequently his nostalgia for home…

Adding detail to your work