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Eliminate Strained Relationships How to Work through Relationships Confidently & Effectively

Eliminate Strained Relationships How to Work through Relationships Confidently & Effectively. This is your brain. This is your brain during a crucial conversation. The Solution: Dialogue ™. Dialogue: Free Flow of Meaning.

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Eliminate Strained Relationships How to Work through Relationships Confidently & Effectively

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  1. Eliminate Strained Relationships How to Work through Relationships Confidently & Effectively

  2. This is your brain

  3. This is your brain during a crucial conversation.

  4. The Solution: Dialogue™

  5. Dialogue: Free Flow of Meaning When facing high stakes, opposing opinions, and strong emotions, influential people: • Frankly and honestly share ideas, opinions, and feelings. • Give up the goal of convincing and controlling. • Take responsibility for contributing to a pool of shared meaning.

  6. Law of Crucial Conversations Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations keeping you there. Identify the crucial conversations you are not holding or not holding well, and get better at everything.

  7. “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” John Foster Dulles

  8. Where are YOU stuck? When it comes to your organization, where are you stuck? • What do people gripe about? • What do they complain about – at work and after they leave to go home? • What are the problems people are still trying to fix? • Identify one crucial conversation that needs to happen.

  9. Start with Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect The conditions of safety To keep the pool of meaning large and wide CREATE Mutual Purpose: search for common needs and interests Do others believe I care about their goals in the conversation? Do they trust my motives? You must care enough about the other’s needs to be willing to create a new mutual purpose – a win-win Ask yourself • What do I want for myself? • What do I want for others? • What do I want for our relationship?

  10. Domains of Conflict purpose personal process people

  11. In long lasting high stakes conversations you need to learn the art of win-win Collaboration Win Win competing compromise assertiveness avoid accommodate cooperativeness

  12. Mutual Respect If there is disrespect your conversation looses it’s purpose. People start to defend and protect themselves. Signs Emotional behavior, defending, fear and anger, accusations, getting offended, debate or surrender If you don’t care for the other person, respect their humanity

  13. Tools and Tips • STATE • State the facts • Tell your story (interpretation) • Ask for the other’s story • How • Tentatively • Encourage Testing

  14. Tools and Tips • List of interests, needs, wants. Meet together to compare. Focus on the common ground. • Assessments of style – communication preference workshop

  15. Tools & Tips – Giving Feedback • Plan – gather facts • Ask for permission • Set a favorable time, location • No distractions • Full attention • Listen to learn • Set the tone • Focus on specifics • Relay impact • Show appreciation, say thank you • Be a camera • Agree on outcomes and timelines for improvement • Re-evaluate • Look for the win - win

  16. Tools & Tips - Receiving Feedback • Ask for it • Be vulnerable • View feedback as a gift • Check your anger and defensiveness • Pay attention • Ask for feed forward – one thing you can do to improve • Take time to take it in – hold your reaction – wonder • Thankful for honesty

  17. Executive Leaders Need To Improve • Developing direct reports 67% • Motivating others 53% • Giving tough feedback 63% • Building teams 54% • Informing Others 61% source, Center for Creative Leadership

  18. McKinsey Company Study

  19. Leadership Enhancers • Early exposure, develop sponsors, big opportunities, visibility • Tough assignments, action learning • Global, diversity • Depth, departments, services, project types • Breadth, many types of problem solving • Failure & rebound

  20. Leader Derailers • Does not build or leverage peer relationships, not a team player • Cannot execute through others, does not develop other leaders • Stops growing, not open to feedback and lacks introspection • Ego gets in the way, being right and going it alone

  21. LeaderLevels of Success & Failure Failures result from not shifting values 1. Individual contributor to managing others 2. Managing others to managing project managers 3. Managing others to managing functions 4. Managing functions to business management 5. Managing business to managing a group 6. Managing a group to managing an enterprise

  22. Apply what you’ve learned • Given your crucial conversation, what are your next steps?

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