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Money

Verse 1. Money. Money! It’s a must! My lab was collecting data, Now it collects dust. Money! I need it to pay, My postdocs and students, ‘Cause they won’t take a TA! State’s not paying, they’re no longer our owner, What we need is a really rich donor. Verse 2. Money.

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Money

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  1. Verse 1 Money • Money! It’s a must! • My lab was collecting data, • Now it collects dust. • Money! I need it to pay, • My postdocs and students, • ‘Cause they won’t take a TA! • State’s not paying, they’re no longer our owner, • What we need is a really rich donor.

  2. Verse 2 Money • Money! We need a lot. • Without liquid helium our • Superconductors get too hot. • Money! Let’s print some. • I wrote a new proposal • But NSF rated it dumb. • We got into Science, Nature, PRL too, • But if MRL crashes what are we gonna do?

  3. Verse 3 Money • Money! At proposal time? • Inflate your ‘broader impacts’ • If you want NSF’s dime! • Money! To make a ‘hit’ • Do bio, info, nano, • Or you’re in deep -----! • Paycheck’s late? Blame UI-Integrate! • U of I owns the state, now the globe we’ll dominate!

  4. Verse 4 Money • Money! Where’d it go? • There aren’t any raises • Just ask the G-E-O. • Money, Where’s it at? • My costs are still inflating • But my budget is flat. • Our Chief-lovin’ first-class-traveling Trustees, • Are bringing us to our knees!

  5. Verse 5 Money • Money! Can’t get enough • Fill my head with RG • And field theory stuff. • Money! What’s the point? • Do Fradkin’s course • Then work in a burger joint … • Nobel Prize? But I’m not wise – my thesis is a blank sheet • Think I’ll get me a job on Wall Street

  6. Verse 6 Money • Money! Can’t do without! • Need strategic plans and metrics, • It’s what education’s all about! • Money! To hire today: • Offer million-dollar start-ups, • It’s like the NBA! • A fancy new stadium is the Chancellor’s dream, • Does Illinois even have a football team?

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