West Hills Essay Format

1. West Hills Essay Format Commentary

2. REVIEW You’ve learned about THESIS statements, and CONCRETE DETAIL (evidence to prove the thesis statements.) Now you’ll learn about the most challenging part of the essay: COMMENTARY (CM). COMMENTARY (CM) is the part of the essay where you analyze, interpret, or explain why a CONCRETE DETAIL proves your THESIS.

3. COMMENTARY contains no fact. COMMENTARY explains why your CD proves your THESIS. COMMENTARY should be written in statements, not questions. COMMENTARY cannot use words like should, could, would.

4. The Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz is responsible for her own fate. CD: For example, the witch threatens to kill Dorothy because she wants the ruby slippers. CM: Because the witch is greedy and unable to accept the fact that the slippers now belong to someone else, she encourages violence and generates a fight. Chunk CM:The witch’s whole life seems to be motivated by fear and the desire to b e something she is not, and this ultimately causes her to become the target of destruction.

5. The Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz is responsible for her own fate. CD: For example, the witch threatens to kill Dorothy because she wants the ruby slippers. This is a CD because it’s a FACT. CM: Because the witch is greedy and unable to accept the fact that the slippers now belong to someone else, she encourages violence and generates a fight. This statement EXPLAINS why the witch is responsible for her own fate, that is, because her greed causes her to take the conflict to the level of violence. CM:The witch’s whole life seems to be motivated by fear and the desire to be something she is not, and this ultimately causes her to become the target of destruction. This statement ANALYZES the reasons why the witch takes the fight to the level of violence, and ties that decision to her fate.

6. Goldilocks has little respect or concern for the rights of others. CD: For example, she eats the porridge of the three bears. CM: Goldilocks clearly does not consider that the food on the table belongs to someone else. Chunk CM: Eating the food of others without permission potentially endangers those who may depend on the food for survival; all Goldilocks cares about is whether or not her needs are met.

7. Goldilocks has little respect or concern for the rights of others. CD: For example, she eats the porridge of the three bears. This is a CD because it is a fact. CM: Goldilocks clearly does not consider that the food on the table belongs to someone else. The writer uses this CM to INTERPRET why Goldilocks did what she did. CM: Eating the food of others without permission potentially endangers those who may depend on the food for survival; all Goldilocks cares about is whether or not her needs are met. The writer uses the CM to EXPLAIN why stealing the food shows a lack of respect (the point of the thesis).

8. REVIEW The purpose of COMMENTARY is for you, the writer, to interpret and explain why your CD proves your THESIS. COMMENTARY contains no facts. When thinking about COMMENTARY, remember that it should EXPLAIN, INTERPRET, ANALYZE, EXPAND ON, COMMENT ON, or ILLUMINATE the CONCRETE DETAIL and show why it proves the thesis.

9. Some additional things to know about COMMENTARY: There are things called no-no words. These include the following: should (have) needs to could (have) ought to would (have) might have (of) I, me, mine, you, your, your, we, our, ours

10. Why do we discourage using these words? (Warning…stupid sound effects approaching!) Some words— would, could, should, might have — are SPECULATIVE. That means that they describe something that did not actually happen in the book, and therefore, we can’t really be discussing it! CD: Goldilocks eats the bears’ porridge. speculative CM: Goldilocks should not have eaten this porridge. She ought to get a McDonald’s and go home. This is NOT good COMMENTARY because it discusses something that is NOT part of the story.s

11. Why can’t I use the you, the we, the us? These words— you, I, we, us, ours, mine, my— would work well if you were writing a personal essay, but when writing a literary analysis essay, they do not belong in the paper. This is because the tone should be more formal; it should be in PRESENT verb tense, and in THIRD PERSON. (they, them, he, she, it). Also, the COMMENTARY should not be simply personal judgment.

12. Personal Judgment The reason we don’t want you to use first- and second- person pronouns in a literary essay is because they give an informal tone to the writing. Also, most people who write with the first- and second-person pronouns (I, you, we, our, mine, my) tend to write personal judgments or give advice, not something you want in a literary analysis. Goldilocks does not respect the rights of others. CD: For example, she eats the bears’ porridge. CM: I think she’s just a selfish kid, and she needs some ground rules. If my mom saw me doing stuff like that, I’d be in so much trouble,and Goldilocks should just go home and play Nintendo. Analysis of a story does not include your own experience, nor does it include advice you’d give the character (she should do something.)

13. REVIEW LITERARY ESSAY RULES Avoid should, would, could, might have, if (speculative words) Avoid first- and second-person personal pronouns (unless in a quote) like you, I, me, mine, ours, we 3. Keep your writing in PRESENT tense (except for exact quotes, which should be copied as written in the story.)

14. PRACTICE For each of these CDs, write two commentary sentences. Remember to tie the CM back to the THESIS. THESIS: The stepmother makes Cinderella’s life miserable in order to better the lives of her own daughters. CD1: For example, when the sisters are invited to the ball, the stepmother agrees to let Cinderella go only if she completes an- impossible number of chores. CM CM CD2: In addition, when a palace representative comes to the door with a glass slipper to try on every girl, the stepmother locks Cinderella in her room. CM CM