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engineering management . Muhammad Asif Akhtar imasif@uet.edu.pk. LEARNING OBJECTIVES. Assertive, Passive and Aggressive Behaviors Body Language and Behaviors Handling Anger Strategies to Change. ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR. ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR….
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engineering management Muhammad Asif Akhtar imasif@uet.edu.pk
LEARNING OBJECTIVES • Assertive, Passive and Aggressive Behaviors • Body Language and Behaviors • Handling Anger • Strategies to Change
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR…. • When you use direct, open, and honest communication in relationships to meet your personal needs, you feel more confident, gain respect from others, and live a happier, fulfilled life. • Standing up for your rights, choices and feelings in a way that doesn’t threaten others or violate their rights.
In Order To Be Assertive You Must Stick To These Rules • You have the right to have your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions. • You have the right not to justify or explain your actions to others. • You have the right to tell others how you wish to be treated. • You have the right to express yourself and to say, "no," “I don't know," “I don't understand." • You have the right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas before expressing them. • You have the right to make mistakes. • You have the right to stand up for yourself and for what you want. • You have the right to be treated with respect.
GUIDELINES TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS: Assertiveness is a learned skill. Some guidelines to develop this skill include: • Practice makes perfect. Begin practicing assertive behavior in low-risk situations, perhaps with your family and friends. • It may not be effective to begin developing your assertiveness skills by debating a controversial topic with a crowd of 600 people - you may find yourself becoming more aggressive or more passive in the process.
GUIDELINES TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS… Follow the Golden Rule. Treat others with the same respect you would expect in return. Remember, this means all people, not just those who are higher status than you are. Others will be more apt to help you achieve your goals if they consider you to be a respectful and honest person.
GUIDELINES TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS… Take the situation into account. There are cultural differences that exist within the realm of assertiveness. For example, some cultures believe acting in a passive manner exhibits more respect than assertive behavior. Someone else’s upbringing may have taught them to be aggressive and more dominating. Keep your mind open and consider these differences when dealing with others.
GUIDELINES TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS… • Don’t hurt others. To be assertive means to express yourself, but in a sincere and respectful manner. Don’t adopt an “it’s my way or the highway” attitude when communicating with others. You can be confident and approachable at the same time.
GUIDELINES TO DEVELOP ASSERTIVENESS… Assertiveness is achieved not only in the words you say, but in the way you carry yourself and how effectively you listen. Working on your listening skills will allow you to communicate better. Keep in mind that assertiveness is not learned overnight - it is a skill that requires consistent practice and attention. While it may seem to require a lot of effort at first, the rewards are well worth it.
SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING ASSERTIVE … • Repeat quietly but firmly the point you're trying to make. Don't be shouted down. Be persistent and keep saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated, or loud. Stick to your point. • Be prepared to say no – firmly and clearly – if you feel someone is trying to pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do. • Be clear about what you mean, feel or want. Don't be vague as this can lead to misunderstandings and may place you in an awkward position.
SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING ASSERTIVE … • Don't be drawn into arguments or discussion that may lead you into confusing the issue – keep to your main points. • Don't allow people to make you feel guilty if you can't do something. You have a right to decide what you feel able to do or not to do. • Be aware that body language gives off clear messages. People will take account of how you look, the way you’re standing, sitting, and any eye contact, as well as your tone of voice and the words you actually use. • When you’re being assertive, you need to keep eye contact, use a firm tone of voice, be positive and don’t go over the top with apologies.
SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING ASSERTIVE … • Do not deny any criticism and do not counter-attack with criticism of your own. • Find a statement in the criticism that is truthful and agree with that statement. • Agree with any possible truth in the critical statement
SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING ASSERTIVE … • Assertively accepting those things that are negative about yourself. • Coping ( dealing) with your errors. • When your self-respect is not in question offer a workable compromise.
SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING ASSERTIVE … Assertiveness frequently means using “I statements” combined with a word that describes “what” you want. For example, “I want”, “I need”, “I would prefer”, “I do not like”, “I am upset about”, etc. Be careful not to minimize such statements by expressing them with questions that subordinate your needs. Example: "I don’t want to go to the store with you – do you mind?”
ACTIVITY • You’re watching your favorite programme on TV when your elder brother comes in and switches to another channel without asking. What do you say/do?
ACTIVITY…. Question1. : Someone cuts in front of you in a line. You: • Say nothing. • Tell them you don't appreciate their behavior and that they need to return to their proper place. • Assume that they may not have realized you were in line, and gently explain to them that you were, indeed, waiting before them. • Say nothing, but glare at them and "accidentally" push them a little.
Question 2 : You haven't taken a vacation for a while, and have one planned for next week. Your company gets a new project and they need you. It's time sensitive and, of course, they want your help during the two weeks you'll be on vacation. You: • Go on your vacation as scheduled, but tell them they can call you a few times while you're gone if they need your input or help. Then answer their calls once every day or two. • Tell them they need to get by without your help for the next two weeks. You're entitled to a break, and this is really not your problem. • Postpone your vacation until the project is over. • Go on your vacation as scheduled, but tell them they can call you a few times while you're gone if they need your input or help. Then 'forget' to answer your cell phone.
Question3 : When you're in an argument, you tend to be most concerned with: • Being sure you're understood. Your point of view makes a lot of sense, and you need it to be heard. If the other person wants you to listen, they must show you respect by listening to you first. • Understanding the other person's point of view. Sometimes if their point of view seems reasonable, you may just drop the whole thing, even if you're not completely happy. • Mutual understanding. You assume that in most cases, you both have a reasonable point of view, so the trick is just finding a way for each of you to get what you want at the same time. • Just ending the argument quickly, even if that means telling the other person what they want to hear, and even if you don't mean it.
Question4 : Someone at work is making inappropriate jokes at your expense. You: • Say nothing. You don't want to make things worse. • Tell them you don't appreciate the jokes, and start making more neutral jokes yourself to set a different tone. If the jokes don't stop, you may report them to Human Resources. • Report them to Human Resources and demand they be punished. • Make inappropriate jokes at their expense.
Question5 : You are meeting a co-worker for the first time outside of work. They show up 20 minutes late. You: • Say nothing. You don't like conflict. • Tell them you really don't appreciate being kept waiting for so long, and that you think their behavior is very rude. • Say nothing. You went home after waiting fifteen minutes, and are no longer there. • Mention the time, and ask if something happened unexpectedly to make them late.
Question6 : You have a friend who is consistently 15 to 20 minutes late when meeting you. Eventually, you: • Just learn to deal with it by bringing a book to read or talking on your cell phone while you wait. It's not worth the trouble of bringing it up and risking a big conflict. • Tell them that you value their friendship a lot, but are becoming increasingly frustrated with their lack of timelines. If it doesn't change, you see less of them. • Finally blow up at them one day, and then stop making dates with this friend. • Start telling them to meet you 20 minutes BEFORE you intend to show up, so they end up "on time" without knowing it.
Question7 : An overly critical relative that you see regularly tends to throw veiled insults at you, always pointing out what she believes are your shortcomings. Eventually you: • Get into the practice of pointing out her flaws as well. Fight fire with fire. • Address the comments by saying, "Wow, that was a little rude, wasn't it?" or something similar, or avoid this relative at gatherings, and go on about your business. • Avoid this relative, and be sure the rest of the family knows why. • Try to get on that relative's "good side" and improve these flaws.
Question8 : You go to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Your waiter brings your food after a very long wait, and when it finally arrives, it's cold. You: • Say nothing. Everyone has a bad night now and then. • Tell the waiter how incompetent you think he is, complain to the manager about the service, and demand that the food be free. • Say nothing, but leave a ridiculously small tip. • Tell the waiter that this is unacceptable and ask what they can do to make things right.
