Interpersonal Effectiveness 18 th April , 2013

1. Interpersonal Effectiveness 18th April, 2013 Introduction to Research ID 6020

2. "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.“ 

3. Cliché! IPS Is An Ocean

4. Setting the Context Awareness Interpersonal Effectiveness Advisor Colleagues, Lab Mates, Hostel Mates

5. Starting with Self-Awareness • Types of Research Scholars TYPE1: “I have come here to do path-breaking research. I don’t worry about time. I understand that 5 years is the upper limit.” TYPE2: “I have come here to get a degree. I want to finish in 3-31/2 years. I have family/other commitments.”

6. Goes onto Understanding OthersTypes of Guides TYPE 2 TYPE 1 TYPE 3

7. A Common Typology

8. ‘Significant Others’?

9. Symptoms of Unhealthy Interpersonal Skills • Research • Starting to avoid bumping into the guide! • Infrequent visits to the department. • Venting out with fellow scholars more often. • It’s my research and my world. • Workplace • Everyday is Monday morning! • Cribbing on the rise. Family • Arguments increase – for the silliest reasons! • You start smoothening conflicts – not addressing them. • You are misunderstood more often. • More time @ work – not necessarily working!

10. Scholar “When do you want it Sir?” (and you give an unrealistic estimate) Guide “When can you submit the 1st draft of the paper” Spouse “Yes…OK” (watching TV) Spouse “What do you think of this?” Son/Daughter “What is your problem? I just come home for a few days and you start off!!!!!!” Father/Mother “When will you complete your research?” Interpersonal Skills – NOT At Its Best! Boss “Can you just do this work for me? I have loads of other things to do” Sub-ordinate “Fine. When do you want it?” (Yes Boss!)

11. Unhealthy IPR Scholar’s Video

12. A Myriad of Tools Transactional Analysis Johari Window Neuro-Linguistic Programming Other Self-Assessment tools

13. Transactional Analysis • The unit of social communication is a transaction • Stimulus -> Response • “I do something to you, you do something back” Dr. Eric Berne

14. TA and Life Skills T A for Effective Communication TA for Empowerment I am OK-You are Ok Transactional Analysis TA for Interpersonal Effectiveness

15. Ego State: “a consistent pattern of feelings, experiences and behavior.” ‘Taught’ Concept P - Parent Ego State Judgmental, critical, paternal/maternal, guiding, bossy, dictatorial, nurturing A – Adult ego State Non-emotional, factual, information gathering of information giving C – Child Ego State Creative, curious, inventive, playful, childlike, joking, emotional ‘Thought’ Concept ‘Felt’ Concept

16. NURTURING PARENT • Encourage • Support • Love • Care • Help • Provide

17. CONTROL / CRITICAL PARENT • Give values • Judgmental • Do’s & Don’ts • Criticize • Punish • Control

18. An Example of CP

19. FREE/NATURAL CHILD • Loves • Curious • Fun loving • Playful • Alive • Afraid • Sad • Little professor • Spontaneous • Imaginative • Creative Rebellious, argues, Tantrums

20. ADAPTED CHILD • Obeys • Complies • Complains • Servile • Adapts • Adjusts • Courteous

21. Dear Prof. Morris How are you? I am so sorry for delaying the journal review. I wanted to submit this on time, but feel really bad that yet again I could not commit to the time given. Please accept my apologies. I will submit it by end of tomorrow. Hope this will not deter you from giving me reviews in the future. Your journal is of very high order and I will not forgive myself if I do not get to do the reviews of your esteemed journal. Hope this hasn’t changed anything. Please do send across any reviews and I promise I will submit them on time, unlike the last two times. Thank you so much for your patience. Regards

22. ADULT • Mature • Rational • Practical • Decide • Analyze • Weigh pros & cons • Decide probabilities • Seek & give • information

24. Knowing Thyself - Preferred Ego State Constant Parent Some individuals may constantly advise and criticize others Constant Adult Some may analyze, live only with facts, and distrust feelings Constant Child Some operate with strong feelings, all the time, consumed with anger, or constantly clowning Beyond Sophisticated ‘Labeling’ Identifying Ego States from movies

25. Transactions – The Variety Want the draft EOD Sure. Oh God! How is it possible! COMMUNICATING EXPECTATIONS , ISSUES CLEARLY AND HONESTLY

26. Transactions – The Variety Formulate a LP problem and come tomorrow with the results Hmmm…Ok Sir. Works hard, cannot crack it, Ctrl C & V CONSIDERATE AND UNDERSTAND DEEPER NEEDS, INTENTIONS

27. Transactions – The Variety Oh Oh, there she goes..crying once more... BEING SENSITIVE OF DEEPER MOTIVES, FEARS

28. What will help? King Lear: “Gloucester, you have no eyes in your head, yet you see how this world goes.” Gloucester replies, “I see it feelingly.” EMPATHY

29. LISTENING...PROPERLY!

30. What will help? My name in a low quality journal!!???/ Where is my name?!!! Publication – low quality journal/ Single author paper TRANSPARENCY IN RELATIONSHIP

31. What will help? TRUST

32. What will help? A HEALTHY DOSE OF HUMOR!  Faculty’s Video

33. Strokes

34. The Inner You What personal qualities will enhance IPR? Empathy Respect & trust Expansiveness Warmth and sensitivity Positive unconditional regard Faculty

35. Free will to Change!!! Think of 2situations of importance to you. Two responses (behaviors) you would want to do differently • What • When • How • Where • With whom

36. Identify your blocks that does not allow you to do what you want? • ______________ • ______________ • How will you overcome these to achieve your goal? • ______________ • ______________

37. Hope this doesn’t happen! Hope this happens!

38. Signing Off… Life is not a competition, it's a game. It's not about winning or losing, it's about all the fun you can have before it ends. Simon Sinek