Recognizing Harmful Relationships

Recognizing Harmful Relationships Lesson 17 By. Tim Darby, Gervon Sligh, and Jordan

A connection a person has with another person is a relationship. • A harmful relationship is a relationship that harms self-respect, interferes with productivity and health, or includes violence and/or drug abuse. • A relationship that promotes self-respect, encourages productivity and health, and is free of violence or drug abuse is a healthful relationships.

10 profiles of people who relate in harmful ways A profile is a brief description of someone or something. 1. The People Pleaser –a person who constantly seeks the approval of others. A people pleaser will do almost anything to be liked including harmful behaviors such as smoking/drinking or engaging in sexual activities. The people pleaser sabotages their chances to have healthful relationship by not demanding respect from others.

Enabler 2. The Enabler- a person who supports the harmful behaviors of others. The enabler may contribute to other persons harmful behavior by overlooking it and covering up for the other person. The enabler sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships when they don’t expect others to behave in responsible ways.

Clinger 3. The clinger- a person who is needy and dependent. The clinger feels empty inside and constantly turns to others to feel better. No amount of attention can keep the clinger fulfilled and the clinger can be demanding of others. The clinger sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not giving other people space.

Fixer 4. The fixer- a person who tries to fix other peoples problems. The fixers quick to give advice and identify possible solutions. By fixing other peoples problem the fixer avoid their own feeling and problems. The fixer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships because healthy people don’t want others to solve their problems and take over a situation.

Distancer 5. The distancer- a person who is emotionally unavailable to others. The distancer may have been hurt in the past and keeps others from getting too close so they won’t get hurt again. The distancer sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not risking emotional involvement.

Controller 6. The controller- person who is possessive, jealous, and domineering. The controller seeks power and may tell others what to do. The controller may monopolize a boyfriend or girlfriends time. The controller sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not respecting interests or opinions of others. And people may be fearful of a controller.

Center 7. The center- a person who is self centered. The center will do most of the talking and not show much interest in what you have to say. The center wants to do what they want and isn't concerned what others want or how they feel. The center sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by being so focused on being the center of attention that the needs of others are ignored.

Abuser 8. The abuser- a person who is abusive. The abuser may constantly put down others, threaten, begin fights, act violently and force someone to have sex. The abuser may follow acts of abuse with gentleness but the abuse usually returns. An abuser sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by threatening and harming others.

Liar 9. The liar- a person who doesn’t tell the truth. The liar may lie to make himself look good, to impress or to manipulate others. Their relationships are based on lies and may be very shallow. They lack connection or commitment cause of the liars actions. The liar sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by lying to others to get the response they want

Promise Breaker 10. The promise breaker- a person who is not reliable. Will make plans with another person and be a “no show”. May agree to change annoying behavior but doesn’t do it. The promise breaker sabotages the chance to have healthful relationships by not keeping his or her word causing others to doubt their sincerity and commitment.

Involvement in Harmful Relationship People who are involved in Harmful Relationship • Promise breaker and a people pleaser. • A controller and an enabler. • A clinger and a distancer. • An a person that try to changing one’s profile to fit different relationship.

How Harmful relationships affect Health status It Affect Mental-Emotional Health Anxiety and stress Feeling of guilt and/or rejection Lack of self-confidence Negative self-esteem Physical health Family-social health headaches lack of nurturing, supportive connections stomachaches failure to develop appropriate social skills sleeplessness injuries from abuse

A people pleaser may accommodates to the promise breaker’s behavior. A controller is more likely to be with an enabler.Ways to deal with a harmful relationships is to identifying changes in behavior, have a discussion with the other person which let them know your feelings, and recognizing when you must end a harmful relationship.You should end a harmful relationship when the other person threatens your health or safety.Its important for a teen whose parent is jail not to accept blame for their illegal actions

QUIZ • A people pleaser A. knows how to receive acts of kindness from others. B. is comfortable accepting gifts of time or support from other. C. learns to rely on other to meet his/her needs D. is often too insecure to demand respect.

Quiz 2) A harmful relationship A. is a relationship that promotes self-respect. B. is a relationship that is free of violence and/or drug misuse and abuse. C. is a relationship in which two people have mutual respect. D. is a relationship that harms self-

Quiz 3) A promise breaker and a people pleaser may match up because A. the promise breaker denies his/her feelings B. the people pleaser ignores the need of the promise breaker C. the people pleaser accommodates the promise breaker’s behavior D. the promise breaker is reliable

Quiz 4) A controller is likely be involved with A. an abuser B. an enabler C. a center D. a distancer

Quiz 5) People who relate in harmful way A. respect each other B. usually stay away from each other C. encourage each other to be productive D. are drawn to each other to act out unhealthy profiles.

Quiz 6. Harmful relationships affect health status A .Only when there's physical abuse B only on those directly involved C in physical mental and social ways D in very few situation

Quiz 7. Ways to deal with harmful relationships include A identifying changes in behavior that must occur B having a discussion with the other person in which you identify your concerns and expectations C recognizing when you must end harmful relationships rather than work to change it D all the above

Quiz 8. You should end a harmful relationship rather than change it if A the other person encourages you to be productive B the other person threatens your health or safety C your friends ask you to do so D all of the above

Quiz 9. How could you tell if your hopes that a harmful relationship will change are realistic A give the person another chance and threaten to end the relationship B talk to the other person and get a promise to change C you have to wait and see its not possible to tell D talk to a parent guardian or other trusted adult about the situation

Quiz 10. It is important for a teen whose parent is in jail A to recognize that lawbreaking is sometimes necessary B not to accept blame for illegal actions of the parent C not to discuss the matter with other people D to stand up for parents actions

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Quiz Answer • D • D • C • B • D • C • D • B • D • B

Recognizing Harmful Relationships