Emotional Intelligence

1. Emotional Intelligence Why it is important

2. 50% of time wasted in business is due to lack of trust (John O. Whitney, Director, Deming Center for Quality Management).

3. The primary causes of executive career problems are EQ related: difficulty in handling change, not being able to work well in a team, and poor interpersonal relations(Center for Creative Leadership)

4. The reasons for losing customers and clients are 70% EQ-related, e.g., didn’t like company’s customer service (Forum Corporation on Manufacturing and Service Companies, 2004-2005

5. companies with "engaged" workforces are up to 40% more profitable Source+ Fortune OCT, 2005

6. The most effective leaders in the US Navy were warmer, more outgoing, emotionally expressive, dramatic, and sociable(Bachman, 1988)

7. A Few Principles • All humans have basic emotional needs • Each of us has similar, but different emotional needs • Emotional needs vary more in degree than in type • Emotional needs vary more than physical needs • Emotional needs are more basic and more important than "rights" • Negative feelings are indications of our unmet emotional needs (UEN's) • Feelings are real and are not debatable. • Invalidation destroys self-esteem • High self-esteem is needed for productivity, job satisfaction, and customer service • Group harmony requires both mutual need satisfaction and mutual respect of feelings.

8. Importance of Emotions • Our bodies communicate with us and others to tell us what we need • The better our communication, the better we feel • Emotions help us establish our boundaries • Emotions have the potential to unite and connect us • Emotions can serve as our inner moral and ethical compass • Emotions are essential for good decision making

9. Components of HIGH EQ • Self-awareness.Knowing how you feel in "real time" • Emotional literacy.Being able to label emotions precisely. Being able to talk about feelings with others. • Empathy and compassion.The ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. • Balance.Being able to make decisions using a healthy balance of emotion and reason. • Responsibility.Taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and happiness. Not saying that others "made" you feel the way you feel.

10. A Simple Definition of EQ • Knowing how you and others feel and what to do about it.

11. Primary and Secondary Emotions • Primary emotions identify our unmet emotional needs (UEN's); • secondary emotions are not so clear. • For example, if I say I feel ignored, I need to feel acknowledged. • But if I say I feel angry, it is not clear what emotional specific need is unmet

12. VALIDATION • Acknowledge, accept, understand and nurture feelings • To validate someone is to accept their individuality • Validation is one of the keys to emotional intelligence • Validating someone allows them to accept themselves • Self-acceptance is a key to high self-esteem • Often, the only thing we need is validation to feel better

13. INVALIDATION • Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings. • Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. • It kills confidence, creativity and individuality.

14. Examples of how we are invalidated • We are told we shouldn't feel the way we feel • We are dictated not to feel the way we feel • We are told we are too sensitive, too "dramatic" • We are ignored • We are judged • We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel

15. Problems caused by negative feelings • Increase in defensiveness • Turnover • Absenteeism • Lost work time • Inefficient communication • Dishonesty, secrecy, evasiveness • Decrease in creativity • Fear of risk-taking, criticism, judgment and disapproval • Inefficient problem solving • Increased personal attacks

16. When we have negative feelings we are more… • critical • aggressive • judgmental • closed-minded • non-accepting • disapproving • impatient • inflexible

17. Disrespected Unappreciated Unfulfilled Unchallenged Unmotivated Apathetic Exploited Bored Criticized Unsupported Hindered Over-controlled Underestimated Powerless Overworked Underpaid Stressed Judged Replaceable Unimportant Afraid and Insecure Common Negative Feelings Among Employees

18. Respected Acknowledged Supported Helped Trusted Appreciated Important Special Irreplaceable Useful Needed Valued and valuable More Desired Feeling Management Can Initiate

19. productive motivated adventurous patient complimentary creative cooperative open-minded flexible understanding empathetic compassionate accepting When Our Emotional Needs Are Met We Are More

20. Communicating Negative feelings • Express your specific feeling (Example, I am afraid that...) • Ask for help (Can you help me understand...) • Avoid "you messages" which put other on the defense • Avoid judging, labeling and criticizing

21. A Five Step Plan To Manage Feelings • Identify the primary feelings. • Identify the cause of the feelings. • Ask what would help (me/you) feel better? • Generate options. 5. Choose the best option.

22. Respect • All humans need to feel respected, even the least powerful • To show respect to someone we must respect their feelings • Respecting feelings includes asking about feelings, validation and empathy • Respecting someone means asking how they would feel before making decisions which affect them

23. Teach representatives to look for and validate feelings - Ask what would help the customer feel better Use a simple scale such as 0-10 for each feeling Avoid saying things like "It is company policy." "I am not authorized to do that." "There is nothing I can do." "You should have gotten the person's name." How it Works in Customer Service

24. Key Feelings you want Customers and Employees to have • Respected • Important • Remembered • Acknowledged • Satisfied • Helped • Understood

25. Start talking about feelings Start respecting them Include feelings in decision making and problem resolution Listen to the most sensitive people in the organization Strike a balance between emotion and logic Develop the EQ skills throughout the organization Make your business a place of mutual respect for feelings Identify the key feelings important for success Summary