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Marriage Enrichment

Marriage Enrichment. Removing Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 2). Prayer.

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Marriage Enrichment

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  1. Marriage Enrichment Removing Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 2)

  2. Prayer God, you instituted the marvelous union of marriage. When two come together in your name, we know that you have not joined them to frustrate them, but to bless them. Help us to follow your will for our lives, putting into practice the love with which you have filled us, so that we might be the blessing to our spouse that you intend. To that end, bless us this evening that our time together might be for the good of our marriages. Amen.

  3. Answer the questions that follow independently from your spouse. Answer each item by circling a number to the left to indicate how true the statement seems to you. Use this scale for your answers: 1 = strongly disagree; 4 = neither agree nor disagree; 7 = strongly agree 2 minutes

  4. Times Up!

  5. In research – with people who were mostly happy and quite dedicated in their relationships – the average person scored about ____________ on this scale. 58

  6. Barriers to Marriage and Oneness 1 Corinthians 13:7 [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

  7. Barriers to Marriage and Oneness Bob:Why does this house always look like a pigpen? You are never here to get things done. Mary: I am out doing so many things because we have kids, and kids need a lot of attention. Bob:I end up having to clean up all the time, and I am tired of it. Mary:Oh, and I don’t clean up? When you are here, you disappear in your shop. I don’t see you doing all that much cleaning up. I do most of it, not you. Bob:Yeah, yeah, I disappear all the time. You just don’t care about this marriage. I don’t even know why we stay together. Mary: Me neither. Maybe you should move out. Bob:Not a terrible idea. I’ll think about it.

  8. 1 Corinthians 13:7 [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. • Barrier: • Constraint Commitment = • Dedication Commitment = Dedication Erosion A commitment made out of a sense of obligation A personal dedication reflected by a desire to not only continue in a relationship but also to improve it, to sacrifice for it, invest in it, and seek the other’s welfare – not simply one’s own

  9. Matthew 19:4-6 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” • Symptom: Trashing the _________________ • Hedging your bets! Without a long-term view, who’s going to ___________ enough to _____________ in a marriage Long-term view trust invest

  10. Galatians 5:13-14 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” • Symptom: ___________________________ Selfishness

  11. Selfishness • One indicator of selfishness, low commitment and the short-term view is __________ __________ • This is the tendency to monitor what you are getting ___ of a relationship relative to what you are putting ______ • Problem is that this is fundamentally and hopelessly ____________ in  favor of the one keeping score • Leads to paying attention to _______ - ____ - _______ rather than long-term view • This will foster __________ and can grow to__________ • Symptom: ___________________ score keeping out in biased day to day resentment bitterness

  12. Selfishness • Dedication also erodes when we take our spouse for _______________ • You can’t have a great marriage when each spouse is primarily focused on what feels best for _____________ • In a culture that justifies self-centeredness, it’s hard to ask – _______________________________________  • It’s a lot easier to ask - _________________________ granted • Symptom: ___________________ themselves What can I do to make things better for you? What can youdo to make me happier

  13. Exercise: Write your answers to these questions independent of your spouse. When you have finished, share with your spouse (but don’t let it raise conflict). 8 minutes

  14. Times Up!

  15. Galatians 5:15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. • Symptom: Not handling __________ well If conflict is not handled well, the ____________ in marriage will go down steadily Satisfaction has a way of fueling ____________, so dedication begins to erode along with satisfaction conflict satisfaction dedication

  16. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Matthew 19:4-6 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Think of your marriage as a ________ ________ investment long term

  17. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Think of your marriage as a ________ ________ investment • This is a _______________ worldview • Critical to have this view because no relationship is ______________ satisfying • It ___________ you to grow closer because you feel ___________ enough to take the __________ of disclosing more about yourself long term biblical consistently frees risks safe

  18. Counteracting Dedication Erosion 2 Corinthians 5:14,15 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. Live for ________ • Living for Him means to _________ one another and to give ourselves to one another __________ Christ love unselfishly

  19. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Philippians 2:3,4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Make your spouse’s ___________ a ________ happiness priority

  20. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Make your spouse’s ___________ a ________ • 1 Corinthians 13:5 – [Love] is not _______ - ________ • You can try to get your way all the time, or you can try to _____________ one another in love and enjoy the rich blessings of oneness. It’s your ___________. • Nothing is gained and much is lost if you _________ around for what feels like the right time to act ______________ happiness priority self seeking outdo choice wait positively

  21. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Proverbs 13:3 He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. Manage ________ conflict

  22. Managing Conflict Because you are a sinner – and because you live under the same roof with a sinner – you will have problems. It is important to understand that they will happen and to actually deal with them. Use the passage from Ephesians to come up with at least three reasons why it is important to talk together about perpetual problems. 8 minutes

  23. Times Up!

  24. Counteracting Dedication Erosion Manage ________ The goal isn’t always to _____________ the problem, but to __________________ your spouse in depth. conflict solve understand

  25. Develop Six Skills to Solve Solvable Problems • Soften the ____________ • Watch your tone of ____________ • Consider the ___________ and ______________ • Lead with a ___________________ start-up voice time place positive

  26. Develop Six Skills to Solve Solvable Problems • Accept _______________ • Ephesians 5:21 - ________ to one another out of reverence for __________ • ________________ has as much invested interest in you • ___________ gave them to you influence Submit Christ No one else God

  27. Develop Six Skills to Solve Solvable Problems • Attempt _______________ • ______________; ______________; _______________; accept _________________ • De- ___________________ • Ephesians 3:1 – Fix your thoughts on _________ • Tackle ___________ thing at a time repair Apologize Forgive Pray responsibility escalate Jesus one

  28. Develop Six Skills to Solve Solvable Problems • Self- ________________ • Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. • _____________________ • He likes racing motorcycles on Saturday afternoons and she likes strolling antique stores with him on Saturday afternoon. What is one thing she feels is inflexible and one thing he feels is inflexible? Write them in the inner oval. What are two flexible things for each? Write them in the outer oval. What’s flexible/inflexible soothe Compromise

  29. Date Night Devotion Date Night Activity Marriage Enrichment Saturday, April 27, 2019 – Communication: A Key to a Great Marriage TBA – Connection: Completing a Great Marriage

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