Parenting and Personal Development (Part 4)

1. PARENTING AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT BY MICHAEL SALL (PART 4) When my children were little and hurt themselves (like scraping a knee or something equivalent) and the crying began, I would point to the sidewalk and say, “Look what you did to the sidewalk. I think you hurt it.” Magicians call this misdirection. Create a distraction that catches the audience’s eye and something else can be done and go undetected. When you question what happened to the sidewalk, the child’s attention is diverted from his crying and the scrape, and he tries to figure what you are talking about. After the ether wears off he may resume crying, but less intensely and for less time. A healthy family debate is stimulating and helps a child develop the skills needed to think things through himself. Parents can openly disagree with each other about politics and lots of other things, but they should discuss disagreements concerning the children in private. Hopefully consensus can be reached. By presenting a united front the child will be clear as to what is expected of him and what is right and wrong. It is important that you talk, talk, talk with the kids about everything, from politics to religion to whatever is present in your lives. Admit what you don’t know and state opinions as just that, opinions, not facts. Listen carefully, be open to new ideas, and try not to be dogmatic with your own ideas. If you can’t present a sound defense for a closely held belief, maybe it is time to rethink that belief. This is a good blueprint for life in general. Beware of the medical and psychological charlatans. They have been around for a long time, starting with Sigmund Freud (he perpetuated one of the great frauds of the twentieth century where the entire world accepted his incoherent gibberish as scientific truths) up through the new advocates of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and all the subgroups of supposed learning disorders. Don’t misunderstand. Dyslexia is real, as are many other disorders. Children can be hyperactive. And certainly there are far too many real problems like schizophrenia, manic depression, autism and others. But the unemployed psychologists union (we have far too many academics, lawyers and psychologists) produce a new imaginary psychological malady almost daily. Don’t get sucked into believing all of these things are real, much less something afflicting your child and requiring treatment. If he has a real problem, you will know without help from these pretenders. Imagine your child’s being diagnosed with ADD and treated in the standard way with Adderall or Ritalin. They are amphetamines, from a truly horrendous family of drugs (methamphetamine being one) that when taken in large doses causes euphoria often followed by depression and paranoia. Although doses for children are considered mild, they still create an altered reality, a world where emotions are profoundly changed, denying the child an opportunity to sort out these things for himself. We have been dispensing drugs like this to our children for years without any idea of what the long term effects are. There is a Yiddish word for ADD, shpilkes, best defined as ants in your pants. A hyperactive child requires more time and effort by parents and teachers, but stuffing him with this drug in order to make everyone’s job easier is criminal. Many parents trust the school administrators or psychologists, assuming these people know what they are talking about. Well, some do, but many don’t. Over 90% of the ADD cases in the world are diagnosed in the US. Are other people from around the world that different? Perhaps we have a culture where parents entrust their children to people whose success is measured

2. not by positive behavioral changes in the child, but by how easy they make things for the parents and other administrators. Children are born with and develop many problems, ones that profoundly tax the parents in a multitude of ways. If your child has a problem, by all means, seek help. But trust no one. You are the best advocate your child will ever have. Your common sense will lead you to the right answers far more often than delegating the decision to some “expert.” Stand tall, squarely face the problem, and do what makes sense to you rather than risk taking advice from a drug pushing pseudo scientist or therapist. Strange as it seems, parenting is as much about you as it is your child. As he moves forward, so will you. Target the right goals, set a good example, and with few exceptions your child will land in a good spot, hopefully as a contented adult who is your loving friend.