Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence H. Norman Wright

Pooch

Shaelyn

Tristan, Princess & James

Jacob & Alex

The Risk of Working with Traumatized Children

Four Reasons for Burnout or Secondary Traumatization 1. Empathy 2. Trauma in our life – unresolved trauma 3. Children’s trauma 4. Mission failure—“I didn’t help them.”

The Results of Exposure to Trauma Part of being human is the ability to be affected by the people and circumstances of our lives. 1. We are vulnerable to secondary stress. We have already noted that the literature suggests that trauma therapists often manifest symptoms similar to their client. The research says if you sit with trauma long enough, it will traumatize you too.

The Results of Trauma Exposure 2. We are vulnerable to spiritual struggles. Not only can therapists demonstrate symptoms of secondary stress disorder, they can also reflect the person’s struggles to hold simultaneously the reality of evil and suffering with the eternal truth of a loving and sovereign God.

The Result of Exposure to Trauma If you do not ask questions, then its doubtful that you have truly entered into the other’s suffering. However, such questions easily lead to wondering whether or not God is good, whether or not he is love.

The Results of Exposure to Trauma 3. We may find our voice silenced. Our voice can be silenced when feelings become numb and we make an effort to avoid certain thoughts and activities. Voice can be silenced when we must carry intense, difficult material alone because of the need for confidentiality and the absence of anyone with which to debrief. Voice can be stilled by thoughts such as, No-one believes this anyway.

The Results of Exposure to Trauma 4. We may feel isolated. Isolation occurs when a counselor or pastor experiencing PTSD shows diminished interest in normal activities or begins detaching from others. 5. We may feel powerless. We were meant to have influence, to create, to govern. We were not intended to be invisible, helpless people who leave no mark. However, trauma therapy can overwhelm us with feelings of helplessness. Dr. Diane Langberg

Loss is a Part of Life

What is Loss? Childhood Losses • Loss of a favorite toy • Dropping an ice cream cone in the dirt • Not receiving an anticipated gift • A friend starts playing with someone else • Parents decide to move away from the familiar neighborhood

What is Loss? Childhood Losses • A pet gets lost or dies • Divorce—Mom or Dad remarries • Being promoted to an advanced class and leaving your friends behind • A teacher leaving in the middle of the school year • A class mate dies

What is Loss? Childhood losses • Having your friends promoted to an advanced class and being left behind • Not making the Little League or soccer team • Not getting invited to a birthday party • Not getting a favorite teacher of your sibling

What is Loss? Childhood Losses • A grandparent dies • Gaining weight • Discovering you were adopted • Loss of innocence • Losing a library book • Catching the “tooth fairy” in the act

Five-year-old – “What does dead mean?”

What are Children Taught About Loss & Grief? – Usually Five Myths

Five Myths 1. Don’t feel

Use the Ball of Grief

Five Fingers of Feelings • Sad • Mad • Scared • Happy • Lonely

The Four Fables • The Funeral Fable • The Anxiety Fable • The News Fable • The Bad Dream Fable

Using a Baseline Narrative Sharing a narrative about a favorite activity provides important information that may reflect developmental and cultural influences in terms of their comfort with, and language abilities for, articulating details and communicating with adults.

Using a Baseline Narriative A baseline narrative, for example, might reveal that the child has a very limited vocabulary for identifying feelings and is unable to offer more than three-word sentence descriptions about the favorite activity.

Using a Baseline Narrative Therapist: I’m really enjoying getting to know you, and I wondered if you would tell me about an activity you participated in recently that you really enjoyed. Can you tell me about a favorite activity or a party you went to recently that you enjoyed?

Using a Baseline Narrative Child: Well, I could tell you about a birthday party I went to this weekend, but it wasn’t that much fun. Therapist: That’s OK. I’d like to hear about it anyway. Child: OK.

Using a Baseline Narrative Therapist: I didn’t go to that birthday party, so could you tell me all about it? Tell me everything that happened from the time you arrived to the time the birthday cake was brought out. And maybe you could tell me how you were feeling and what you were saying to yourself during the party.

Using a Baseline Narrative As much as possible, allow the child to provide a spontaneous narrative. However, when there are very long pauses or the child gets significantly off task you may jump in with one of these questions or statements:

Using a Baseline Narrative 1. Ask broad, open-ended questions: “What were you thinking?” “What were you saying to yourself?” “How were you feeling?” “What happened next?”

Using a Baseline Narrative 2. Make clarifying and reflective statements: “Tell me more about it… “I wasn’t there, so tell me…” “I want to know all about…” “Repeat the part about…” Repeat this exercise, this time applying it to a traumatic experience.

Using a Baseline Narrative Therapist: Can you tell me why your mom brought you to see me? Child: I think she wants me to ask to talk about what happened when the police took my dad away.

Using a Baseline Narrative Therapist: I’d like you to tell me more about that. You did such a good job telling me all about what happened at the birthday party. Now I’d like you to tell me about everything that happened on the day the police came to your home. Would you like to tell me about what was happening before the police came or what happened after the police came to your home?

Using a Baseline Narrative Child: I’ll tell you what happened after the police came ‘cause I don’t think you want to hear the scary stuff before they came.

Using a Baseline Narrative Therapist: I’d like to hear about the scary stuff too, but today I’d like you to tell me everything that happened from the time the police arrived at your house until they left with your dad. And please tell me what you were feeling and what you were saying to yourself while all this was happening. Child: OK. I’ll try.

Five Myths 2. Replace the Loss

Completion in Grief and Moving On “Mr. Hamster you were a good hamster. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t clean your cage. I was mad the time you bit me, but that’s okay. I wish you didn’t have to get sick and die. I wanted to play with you more. I loved you, and I know that you loved me. Good-bye, Mr. Hamster.”

Completion in Grief and Moving On Completion is the action of discovering and communicating, directly or indirectly, the undelivered emotions which attach to any relationship that ends. Reviewing a relationship helps children discover the feelings they wish had ended different, better or more.

Completion in Grief and Moving On The review will also reveal unrealized hopes, dreams and expectations about the future. The child will discover things they wish they had said or done and things they wish they hadn’t said or done.

Completion in Grief and Moving On After uncovering those areas that are emotionally incomplete, there is one more step before those undelivered emotions can be communicated. They must be converted into one of four emotional categories, which lead to completion.

Completion in Grief and Moving On The categories are simple: apologies forgiveness significant emotional statements fond memories.

Completion in Grief and Moving On Apologies – Mr. Hamster, “I’m sorry for the times I didn’t clean your cage.” Forgiveness – “Mr. Hamster, you were a good hamster…I was mad the time you bit me, but that’s okay.”

Completion in Grief and Moving On Significant emotional statements – “Mr. Hamster, you were a good hamster. I wish that you didn’t have to get sick and die.” Fond memories - “I loved you and know that you loved me.”

Five Myths 3. Grieve Alone 4. Be Strong 5. Keep Busy

Stress I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture. The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary’s Hospital.

Domestic Violence