Stand Alone Feedback

1. Stand Alone Feedback Blue Boots

2. REPEATING • Some people are repeating words in their ideas: • Ex. … the protagonist is a killer and a psychopath who kills people… • Ex. … kept the identity of the narrator mysterious and unknown… • Both of these cases are saying the same thing twice. Cut it down so you have one clear idea • …the protagonist is a psychopath who kills people… • …kept the identity of the narrator a mystery…

3. REPEATING • Many people are repeating the quote in their own words… • Another example, “I was not lucky”, now, she is trying to say that she is not lucky to do what she wants. • Instead, work the quote INTO your idea • Another example is when the narrator told us she “was not lucky” to do what she wants • This gives you a very clear idea AND the proof you need.

4. QUOTATIONS • If you want to take words out of the middle of your quote, you can, but it has to make sense • Ex. … explained that her “bent… is murderous” . • Her bent? What is a bent? How can it be murderous?? • This writer continues – This is a turning point in the story, the author uses a work like “mine” to add more suspense… • Where in the quote given is the word “mind” shown??

5. QUOTATIONS • If you shorten quotes, make sure the key words you are discussing are shown, and that it still makes sense • When she “reviewed the expanding register…repeating the names aloud”, she was fixating on her obsession • Here, everything in the quote is relevant to the point, and it makes grammatical sense, even with missing words

6. LIMITED RESPONSE • Many people ONLY addressed the idea that we find out the character’s gender so late in the story • That is important, but that is not the only contribution to the story being First Person Point of View (Which, by the way, you need to write out). Others are: • The struggle in trying not to kill • Her obsessive thoughts • The realization that she is appeared friendly/safe • The reason as to why she was living in Yellowknife • The realization that everyone else thinks she is kind • And many more!

7. LIMITED RESPONSE • When you only talk about one aspect, you are showing that you only understand a very small portion of the story • To increase your mark, discuss 2-3 different aspects that connect to your thesis, and to the question itself.

8. CONNECTING BACK TO THESIS • A lot of people had some great ideas, but then you did not link it back to first person point of view • Ex. Although the narrator seems to have all this will to become a better person and this appears in her tone, at the end she couldn’t prevent herself and she sad at night with “some preliminary weapons assembled”. • Great ideas, but in order for this to be a strong argument, you have to tell me HOW IT RELATES TO THE POINT OF VIEW

9. CONNECTING BACK TO THESIS • When writing, constantly look back to what the question is, and what you thesis, or answer, is • After writing, read through the response and ask yourself “Does this connect directly to my argument?” If not, then revise it.

10. Good Example • In Carol Newhouse’s short story, “Blue Boots”, the author wrote the story using First Person to keep it as a mystery, and to show the conflicts the main character is facing with her innerself. For instance, the author revealed the gender of the narrator at the end of the story instead of at the beginning. Since it is a stereotype that murderers are males, the readers were surprised when one of the characters referred to her as a “lady”. Moreover, an advantage of using the first person point of view was to show the conflict the protagonist was facing versus her inner self. When she moved to Yellowknife, she described herself by saying, “I was, then, in a most dismal state” because she could not murder anyone. She also mentioned that “On some occasions I would catch myself” before getting insane about murdering anyone. This shows how eager she wants to murder someone. If the story was not told through the eyes of the character, pathos might not exist. Using first person point of view helps the readers put themselves in the character’s position, especially when it comes to inner conflicts. Therefore, using first person point of view in this story helped make it mysterious, and clearly showed the conflicts the character faced with her inner self.