Learn from our mistakes

1. Learn from our mistakes Science Essays J. Altemen

2. Sci Criterion A: Understand the benefits and limitations science has on our lives Sci Criterion B: Use scientific language and appropriate communication tools to communicate effectively J. Altemen

3. Read the excerpt from the student work • Comparing it to the criteria, what do you think the teacher comment was? • Click to see the teacher comment J. Altemen

4. Criterion A: Benefits • The most common use for fluorides is in toothpaste, preventing tooth decay . It is also put in water for the same reason (Importance and uses). It is also used for Teflon pans, water proof clothing and helps make detergent. Teacher comment to student was: •  This states a benefit (Level 1-2). To explain it (Level 5-6) we need to know how fluorides do this. J. Altemen

5. Criterion A: Benefits [. • One common biological use of chlorine is food preservation. The reason for this is because micro organisms like bacteria, or fungi, cannot survive with too much NaCl. With too much NaCl osmosis happens in a way that hurts the micro organism’s cell because now water is drawn out of the micro organism’s cells. Teacher comment to student was: Excellent – this is what we mean by EXPLAIN the benefits. J. Altemen

6. Criterion A: Benefits • Chlorine is also used in many other household appliances including; bleach, computer hardware, plastics, textiles, paper and many more. Teacher comment to student was: Notice that this is a STATEMENT (level 1-2) To get a higher grade, the task sheet says you must DESCRIBE (level 3-4) or EXPLAIN the science behind (Level 5-6) J. Altemen

7. Crit A: Factors need to be DISCUSSED J. Altemen

8. Crit A Science must be EXPLAINED J. Altemen

9. Crit B: Effective CommunicationWhat the intro should look like • Halogens are non- metals and are found in group number seventeen on the periodic table. The real name for halogens is “salt-makers”. This is because, every compound that contains a halogen is a salt. Halogens can help us greatly and widely but, they can also be very harmful. I will talk to you about the effects of one particular halogen, chlorine. I will talk about the good and the bad uses and effects of chlorine and from that, base my opinion on if the manufacture of halogens and their compounds should be banned. Teacher comment to student was: It is good that your intro paragraph clearly states what the whole essay is about. With more experience you will find a way to write this without the phrase “I will talk about..” J. Altemen

10. J. Altemen

11. Crit B Works Cited Works Cited • "Chlorine ." Periodic Table of Elements. Los Alamos National Laboratory's      Chemistry Division, 15 Dec. 2003. Web. 20 Sept. 2009.      < http://periodic.lanl.gov/elements/17.html >. • "Chlorination of Water." Rev. of Chlorination of drinking water saves lifes. CFour. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2009. < http://www.cfour.org/pdf/      chlorination.PDF>.<http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:FUDw_eNdjIwJ:www.cfour.org/pdf/chlorination.PDF+chlorination+of+drinking+water+saves+lives&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk Problems to avoid • neither of these two are ‘cited’ in the essay; put them in Bibliography • Double space • Indent second line and subsequent lines so it is easy to see the source name • Match the source identification with what you put in parentheses for the in-text citation so it is very easy for the reader to find the source in the list J. Altemen

12. Crit B: Topic and concluding sentences in each paragraph J. Altemen

13. Crit B: Visuals and in-text citation J. Altemen

14. Crit B: Visual and in-text citation J. Altemen

15. You know what good looks like www.wordle.net J. Altemen