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Issues that Divide

Issues that Divide . Divorce and Remarriage. Divorce and Remarriage. The three D’s that we don’t mention in church: Depression Doubt Divorce. Divorce and Remarriage. Can we marry the wrong person Divorce Remarriage. Divorce and Remarriage.

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Issues that Divide

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  1. Issues that Divide Divorce and Remarriage

  2. Divorce and Remarriage The three D’s that we don’t mention in church: • Depression • Doubt • Divorce

  3. Divorce and Remarriage • Can we marry the wrong person • Divorce • Remarriage

  4. Divorce and Remarriage • 89 percent of all individuals in the country get married before completing their 49th birthday

  5. Divorce and Remarriage

  6. Divorce and Remarriage Age at marriage for those who divorce in America

  7. Divorce and Remarriage

  8. Divorce and Remarriage Story of my professor at seminary Is it possible to marry the wrong person?

  9. Divorce and Remarriage Creationism: Souls are created individually by God and given to the person at conception or some time shortly after. Traducianism: Souls are created by the parents in and with the body. God rested from creation on the seventh day.

  10. Divorce and Remarriage While it is possible to make sinful decisions in marriage, it is not possible to marry the “wrong” person if by that you mean either 1) you were supposed to marry someone else, or 2) God’s will of decree is not being fulfilled through our sin. Conclusion: whomever you are married to is exactly who God wants you to be married to right now.

  11. Divorce and Remarriage Divorce

  12. Divorce and Remarriage Stupid legal reasons given for divorce: • A woman’s parrot kept saying “divorce” so she thought this was a sign. • A wife divorced her husband for cleaning too much. • Husband divorced his wife for lying about her age to him. • A woman divorced her husband because she could not stand to have lunch with her mother-in-law. • A woman divorced her husband for spending too much time with stray dogs. • A husband divorced his wife for not folding his clothes.

  13. Divorce and Remarriage Top ten real reasons for divorce: 1. Financial Problems. 2. Communications Problems. 3. Family Problems 4. Sex Problems 5. Friend Problems 6. Addiction Problems 7. Abuse Problems 8. Personality Problems 9. Expectation Problems 10. Time Problems

  14. Divorce and Remarriage God hates divorce: Mal. 2:16 I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and the one who is guilty of violence," says the LORD who rules over all. "Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful."

  15. Divorce and Remarriage God Divorces Israel Jer. 3:8 And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. (; see also Isa. 50:1)

  16. Divorce and Remarriage Divorce is permitted due to fallenness Mat 19:3-8 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" 4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, 5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" 8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.

  17. Divorce and Remarriage Divorce, as a part of the fallen order, is a result of sinfulness in the world and it is this that God hates. It also helps us recognize that divorce, like death and war, is sometimes, unfortunately, a necessary part of a fallen world due to sinfulness.

  18. Divorce and Remarriage What is a divorce? Just as the Bible does not say exactly what a marriage is, neither does it with divorce.

  19. Divorce and Remarriage I know of a couple in a terrible marriage. The woman has sought so desperately to have a marriage that is full of life the way God intended. The husband, on the other hand, has grown bored with the marriage. There is no sexual intimacy (for over a year), no sharing, no emotional bond, and no relationship present at all. They barely even talk. The vows are being completely ignored by the husband. When they do talk, he is mentally abusive and dismissive of the concerns of the wife. After years of living in such a way, they would be best described as roommates rather than husband and wife. Now the wife is talking about divorce. The man thinks such talk is blasphemous. He is a Christian and will not suffer a divorce. The very mention of it caused the man to look down on his wife’s spirituality and bring it before the pastor of a church. The pastor then counsels the woman on how ungodly it is for her to even mention divorce. He commends the husband for “sticking with it.”

  20. Divorce and Remarriage When I think about this situation, I ask myself, “What is a divorce?” If everything that makes a marriage a marriage is being ignored, are they even married anymore? Haven’t they already gone through an “illegal divorce”? It is “illegal” only because the state does not recognize it. Maybe its a “common-law divorce” (though not recognized that I know of). Either way, isn’t it a divorce in every other way?

  21. Divorce and Remarriage What is a divorce? • Forsaking of vows? Which ones? • Loss of love/commitment? To what? • Dissolving of mutual dependence? Too grey for me. • Certificate downtown? Why so much authority to the state? • Physical adultery? But Christ says that this gives divorce permission, but it is not the divorce itself. • Physical separation? How long? How far? • An intent by one or both to dissolve the covenant? What does the “intent” look like? Words? Actions? Desire?

  22. Divorce and Remarriage apoluo “to release” To alleviate oneself of the commitments of marriage But, again, which commitments? What if they practically release themselves, but never explicitly desire such?

  23. Divorce and Remarriage Biblical allowances for divorce: • Adultery (pornia) • Desertion

  24. Divorce and Remarriage Adultery

  25. Divorce and Remarriage Matt. 5:31-32 It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

  26. Divorce and Remarriage Desertion

  27. Divorce and Remarriage 1 Cor. 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.

  28. Divorce and Remarriage Remarriage

  29. Divorce and Remarriage Can a divorced Christian be remarried? • Never acceptable. • Permissible on two grounds (adultery or desertion). • So long as reconciliation has been sought and cannot be attained. • Always acceptable for any reason at all.

  30. Divorce and Remarriage 1 Cor. 7:10-11 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

  31. Divorce and Remarriage 1 Cor. 7:1 12-15 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. . . . 15But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

  32. Divorce and Remarriage 1 Cor. 7:8-9 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

  33. Divorce and Remarriage Matt. 5:31-32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

  34. Matthew 19:1 When Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan;2 and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. 3Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?"4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH '? 6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?"8 He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10 The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." 11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. (Mat 19:1-11 NAU)

  35. Divorce and Remarriage Let’s entertain for a moment the propositions that Christ did intend for us to follow this teaching about divorce literally in every case. What would happen? Well, I think we would have to interpret everything in this context the same way (including the gouging out of eyes and cutting off of hands). The outcome would be disastrous in many ways. This is what could conceivably take place: lusting itself would be an excuse for divorce since it is adultery (v. 28). As well, if you were to lust before you are married, and by lusting you have literally had sex with that person, then you are in God’s eyes joined to that person and are required to marry them (by Pauline extension in 1 Cor 6:15). So, if this is the case, is it then God’s perfect will for me to find the first girl I lusted after and be “rejoined” to her so that she does not commit adultery? Of course not.

  36. Divorce and Remarriage Principles • Marriage is never to be taken lightly. Divorce is never to be taken lightly. • Forgiveness and grace is something that we can take literally and always act upon. For the person who has lusted in the past, we offer forgiveness, not a bride. For the person who has hated his brother, we offer grace, not the death penalty. For the person who has been divorced, shouldn’t we do the same? • This is what it boils down to and what I discuss during marriage counseling: is there any way possible to be reconciled to your former spouse without sacrificing your family’s safety? If so, I believe it is the Lord’s will to pursue this. If not, then grace and forgiveness are offered. At this point the practical issues of responsibility and maturity come into play. I suggest to people to make sure they have worked out the reasons for the previous divorce to be sure that any personal spiritual issues (including commitment) are not unresolved.

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