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John Lee’s Styles of Loving

John Lee’s Styles of Loving Lee argues that there are a number of different types (or styles) of love that can be distinguished by the cluster of symptoms attached to each type. Primary Styles of Loving: 1. Eros 2. Ludus 3. Storge Secondary Styles of Loving: 1. Mania (eros and ludus)

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John Lee’s Styles of Loving

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  1. John Lee’s Styles of Loving Lee argues that there are a number of different types (or styles) of love that can be distinguished by the cluster of symptoms attached to each type. Primary Styles of Loving: 1. Eros 2. Ludus 3. Storge Secondary Styles of Loving: 1. Mania (eros and ludus) 2. Pragma (storge and ludus) 3. Agape (eros and storge)

  2. Eros: Passionate Love • This is where the term erotica come from • Characteristic of this style is the experience of an immediate physical attraction (i.e., love at first sight) • Individuals may have an attraction to a certain ideal physical type and eros love occurs when such a type is encountered • This tends to be exclusive but not possessive

  3. Ludus: Game-Playing Love • This style is playful, casual, and carefree • It is an attraction to the game of love rather than love itself • It can involve more than one partner at a time • The degree of commitment may be intentionally kept vague (i.e., playing hard to get) • There is no jealousy or possessiveness

  4. Storge: Friendship Love • Affectionate love that develops between siblings and friends • It is a friendship that slowly develops into love over time • It is a long lasting form of love • It is a kind of love that focuses on companionship • It is peaceful and steady

  5. Mania: Possessive Love • It is an overpowering sense of love that combine the symptoms of erosand ludus styles of love • It can cause distraction, anxiety, and loss of sleep • There may be an obsessive preoccupation with the partner • It is intensely jealous, possessive, and in constant need of reassurance

  6. Pragma: Pragmatic Love • This is a practical approach to love that combines ludus and storge styles of love • Compatibility in an essential concern with this type of love • The focus on qualities that reflect similar interests, values, and concerns • This particular style is utilized by computer dating services today

  7. Agape: Altruistic Love • This is a combination of eros and storge styles of love • It reflects a selfless giving without the expectation of anything in return • It is a kind and gentle form of love • Patience is a characteristic and generally absent from other styles • It is love for the sake of love

  8. John Lee in Triangular Form Eros Agape Mania Storge Ludus Pragma

  9. Robert Sternberg: Love as a Triangle • Sternberg conceives of different kinds of love being a combination of three basic components of intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. • The nature or type of love is determined by the presence or absence of these components and/or various combinations

  10. Liking: Intimacy Alone • Liking is the experience of intimacy without passion or commitment. • Friendship may be a example of this form of love Intimacy

  11. Empty Love: Commitment Alone • The experience of commitment with out passion or intimacy • A stagnant marriage may be an example of this Commitment

  12. Companionate Love: Intimacy + Commitment • The experience of intimacy and commitment without passion • A long-term happy marriage may be an example of this Intimacy Companionate Love Commitment

  13. Infatuation: Passion Alone • The experience of passion without intimacy or commitment • Puppy Love may be an example of this Passion

  14. Fatuous Love: Passion + Commitment • The experience of passion and commitment without intimacy • Love at first sight may be an example of this Passion Commitment Fatuous Love

  15. Romantic Love: Intimacy + Passion • The experience of passion and intimacy without commitment • An extramarital affair may be an example of this Intimacy Romantic Love Passion

  16. Consummate Love: Intimacy + Commitment + Passion • The experience of intimacy, commitment, and passion all at the same time. • An example of this is… Intimacy Consummate Love Passion Commitment

  17. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Physiological Needs These needs include those things necessary to basic survival. They include such things as food and water, rest and an appropriate climate, the avoidance of pain, etc.

  18. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs These needs include such things as finding safe circumstances, shelter, satiability, and protection. They may also include a need for structure and order.

  19. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs These include the need for friends, affectionate relationships, children, and a sense of community.

  20. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs There are two levels of this need: The lower level involves the need for attention, the respect of others, status, recognition, etc. The upper level includes self-respect, confidence, a sense of independence and freedom.

  21. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs These first four levels represent Deficiency-needs or D-needs. An individual develops Deficiency-love or D-love for a person who meets their D-needs. Because of this self-centered aspect, D-love can be fragmented.

  22. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Intellectual Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs This is the internally directed need for intellectual development. It is not focused on a deficiency but rather a sense of enhancing the nature of one’s being.

  23. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Aesthetic Intellectual Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs This is the internally directed desire to acquired an appreciation for the beauty or aesthetic nature of things. Again, it is not a deficiency but rather an enhancement of one’s being.

  24. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Self-actualization Aesthetic Intellectual Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs The level is seldom reached but it is the result of the inner-directed drive of humans to grow, improve, and use their potential to the fullest.

  25. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Self-actualization Aesthetic Intellectual Self-Esteem Needs Love and Belonging Needs Safety and Security Needs Physiological Needs The final three levels of need are referred to as Being-needs or B-needs. An individual develops Being-love or B-love for a person who meets their B-needs. B-love cannot be fragmented because it is attached to the uniqueness of the other individual. There is no sense of insecurity or competition.

  26. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Varying degrees of dominance of D-love and B-love affect the functionality of a relationship Two individuals with D-needs could develop a very unstable relationship if the various needs are not met by other partner A B-need can partner with a D-need individual and function well as a couple Two B-need partners is the ultimate combination

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