Working with Churches that are Dealing with an Abuser: A Model in Progress

1. Working with Churches that are Dealing with an Abuser:A Model in Progress Philip Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary Diane Langberg, PhD Diane Langberg, PhD & Associates

2. www.biblical.edu

3. Today, we will explore: • Overarching and Principles to guide your work with abuse within the church • A Spiritual Care Team approach to healing and restoration of the parties involved • Common concerns and barriers by answering frequently asked questions • Your questions and comments

4. Our assumptions • You will be asked to be the expert in all sorts of topics: abuse, forgiveness, restitution, restoration, compensation, therapy, spiritual direction, fruit of the spirit, etc. • You cannot do this work alone. You need a team yourself • Teamwork is fraught with danger: conflict, misunderstanding, isolation, suspicion, fear • You need a map for yourself and for those you lead

5. Overarching principles • Abuse in the church impacts many • Caretakers need a large umbrella if they are going to serve those involved • When many are impacted, division is common • Caretakers remember they must be advocates for truth, justice, and grace • Protection of the “least of these” takes precedence • Caretakers understand abuse of power and provide tangible protection for the body of Christ

6. Overarching principles • Never underestimate the power of self-deception • Caretakers recognize and work for true repentance • “As if you too…” • Caretakers work to understand the world and experiences of abuser and abused “as if” they themselves were in their shoes

7. Overarching principles • Premature restoration is tempting • Caretakers resist the temptation to rush back to life “the way it used to be” but work to cultivate maturity, healing, and holy obedience to God • Wisdom comes from God—not committees • Caretakers immerse themselves in the study of God’s Word and prayer to discern His perspective on all issues pertaining to abuse and restoration • Crises reveal character • Caretakers use crises to explore and correct individual and systemic defects

8. Overarching principles • The Church is not ours • Caretakers remember not to harm the church: to purify themselves first before working to purify the bride of Christ

9. Mapping a path through the morass • Ideally, we should: • Study the vast array of issues, teach the congregation from front and back, develop prevention plans, and address problems as they occur • But, realistically… • Build committedSpiritual Care Teams, learn together the key issues, develop a plan of action for healing, Communicate and educate, Plan for future prevention

10. Choose Spiritual Care Teams • Teams for congregation, offender, victims • Consider the character of potential members • Spiritually mature, prayerful, self-aware, able to listen, willing to learn, gentle but willing to confront, confidential, safe, not controlling, collaborative, patient • Require 2 year minimum commitment of time • Determine how the group make decisions, learn together, and function together • Determine how to collaborate with other teams, leadership, and outside agencies

11. Prepare the SCTs • Spiritual work means warfare • Worship and study together • Group learning (biblical and experiential) • Abuse, abuse of power, deception/denial, their impact on others, protection, true and false repentance, restoration, restitution, forgiveness, healing, etc. • Restoration processes (time, process, fruit?) • Who or what will drive the group’s work? • Group dynamics training • Creating a plan of action

12. Group Dynamics • Explore how the group functions together with and without their ministry target • When it comes to data collection, exploration, confrontation, assessment, decision-making • When it comes to worship, fun, personal issues • When it comes to collaborating with outsiders (some of whom may not share the group’s view) • Key issues? Validation; good questions;

13. SCT Plan of Action for restoration • Protection from self and others; boundaries set • Truth-telling about the abuse • Submission to process and acceptance of spiritual mentors • Discovery of roots of abuse and other sin (naming things from God’s view; hearing from others) • Deeper Truth-telling about life patterns and God’s sanctifying work • Restitution (acknowledges injustice and seeks to correct it) • Repentance (from actions and attitudes) • Reconnection to the larger body of Christ

14. Preventing Leader Abuse? • Develop SCTs for pastors and Christian leaders • Provision of confidential sessions (therapy or spiritual direction) with trusted, outside professional

15. FAQs • How do you know when restoration is complete? When repentance is enough? • Who drives the decisions of protection? What if victims are in charge? • Can a Christian leader ever return to ministry? • What are the pit-falls of this kind of work?

16. Get copies of slides at: www.wisecounsel.wordpress.com pmonroe@biblical.edu