Understanding Workplace Conflict: Strategies for Effective Communication

Conflict, huh, good god What is it good for Absolutely nothing, Listen to…

…smoke alarms??? Similar function as office conflict. Don’t ignore it, Embrace it!

Why is my smoke alarm chirping ? • Sarcasm…. Nip it in the bud • Being tougher on “submissive” employees • Having all the answers (o.k. to be humble) • Forced laugher (i.e. chuckle) before spouting wisdom • Others????

Smoke DetectorFact? or Myth? • Conflict is always a negative and should be avoided. • Difficult people are almost always the cause of conflict. • The problem at the root of a conflict is usually obvious. • In conflict, there are always winners and losers. • It’s a supervisor’s responsibility to fix problems on the team.

Listening to Staff • Ask questions. When the other person has finished talking, instead of replying, ask yourself this question, “What did I hearbeing said?” • Ask better questions. To engage in a conversation, nothing is more important than your choice in questions. Asking the wrong question causes people to defend their position. Asking right questions decreases resistance. 1. Begin with "What" or "How" (not "Why," "When," or Who"). 2. Contain an "I" (not "they," "them," "we" or "you"). 3. Focus on action.

Examples (QBQ): • "What can I do to help you do your job better?" • "What can I do to make a difference?" • "How can I support the team?" • "How can I help move this forward?" • "How can I provide value to you?" • "What solution can I provide?" • "How can I do my job better today?" • "How can I improve the situation?" • "How can I better understand you?" • "What can I do to find the information to make a decision?"

Understanding Staff Understanding and managing different personalities in the workplace is important for your office culture, productivity and team effectiveness (and your sanity).

Eagles Strength Overuse Aggressive Blunt Arrogant Reckless Short-sighted Assertive Direct Confident Risk-Taking Results-driven

Eagles • Controller wants facts and little details • Can be perceived as bossy and • insensitive • Major motivation is to get things done. • Will take a project and run with it, often • no plan, “figure it out as they go.”

Eagles • Needs to feel respected • Talk in terms of results (e.g. solutions not problems) • Remind them how much more will be achieved if coworkers are treated in a healthy way • Give conclusions and only provide details if asked. Get to the point.

Peacocks Strength Overuse Unrealistic Disorganized Manipulative Impractical Self-promoting Visionary Multi-tasker Persuasive Optimistic Enthusiastic

Peacock (Parrots) • The Promoter in the office • Life of the party, love people and love to talk • Natural sociability allows them to talk for long periods of time about almost anything • Have an attractive personality, are enthusiastic, curious and expressive • Give them a spotlight so won’t be compelled to steal one.

Peacock (Parrots) • Leave plenty of time for talk & social issues. • Ask them about their family, children, pets… • Talk in terms of people and stories. • Use lots of examples • Require positive feedback to focus energy on something productive.

Doves Strength Overuse Dependent Complacent Fearful Permissive Naïve Collaborative Patient Cautious Tolerant Trusting

Doves • Supportercommunication style is typically low key, calm, cool, collected and patient • Typically competent and steady workers • Do not like to be involved in conflict • When there is conflict may be called upon to mediate the problem • Good listeners and usually have many friends and avoid offending people

Dove • Don’t come on too strong. • Earn trust in small steps. • Don’t ask for big decisions right away. • Provide plenty of reassurance. • Talk in terms of security. • Self-worth from service to other. Takes on unnecessary burdens. If sacrifice is not recognized, will suffer in silence as The Martyr. Instead of asking for help, become passive aggressive. • Appreciate them for their unsung work.

Owls Strength Overuse Indecisive Judgmental Bureaucratic Detached Picky Analytical Discerning Process-oriented Focused Careful

Owl • Are “facts and figures” people • Love details and to organize things. Tend to be deep, thoughtful, analytical, serious • Communication style includes a need for details, sometimes hesitate to make decisions if they feel that they don’t have enough facts • Love lists, charts, graphs and figures • Pay so much attention to details, they can sometime be seen as being pessimistic

Owls • Owls gone overboard become The Critic. Unpleasable, distrusting, killjoy • Shoots down new ideas and processes • No one else’s work merits trust or appreciation • Lost control over quality. Heard information too late. Left out of loop.

Owl • Make sure your are well prepared. • Have plenty of facts and figures. • Be prepared for skepticism. • Answer all of their questions. • Go relatively slow to give them time to think and analyze. • Counsel them to seek excellence not perfection.

Vampires • DisengagedEagles, Parrots, Doves or Owls become Vampires. See worst in everything. • Dampen spirit in healthy coworkers. • Don’t want to be at work. • Their apathy is contagious. WASTE NO TIME. It will affect others. Pluszaps your energy. • Manageable when you help them understand source of dysfunction and capitalize on natural gifts

Turning Conflict into a Cause for Commitment

Five Conflict Management Strategies • Confront problems with head on, not head- on. • Be a truth seeker. • Rehearse your emergency landing, descent and approach (i.e. write a script). • Talk on the employee’s “turf”. • Stick to behavior…never the person’s character.

Five Coaching Strategies • Reign in your emotions • Give your employees some latitude • Show them what went wrong • Do not point fingers (responsible vs. wrong) • End by looking ahead (shift focus from failure to success)

Find a Common Purpose Look Forward in Times of Rapid Change • Being a leader, you must be able to envision the future. The speed of change doesn’t alter this fundamental truth. • People want to follow those who can see beyond today’s problems, conflicts and visualize a brighter tomorrow.

Appeal To Common Ideas • Connect to what’s meaningful to others “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

Presence, Affirmation, Promise • Goal is to keep everyone focused on looking for opportunities for improvement. • Recognize different office factions exist (remain objective and not be sidetracked by conflicts). • Be sensitive to staff’s needs (each one is motivated by different hierarchy of needs). HINT…I never heard a complaint from staff about being affirmed too much. • Encourage factions to discuss differences (set a time limit to resolve disagreements quickly).

Animate YourVision “You've got to know when to hold 'emKnow when to fold 'emKnow when to walk awayAnd know when to runYou never count your moneyWhen you're sittin' at the tableThere'll be time enough for countin'When the dealin's done” “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers

Wayne Gillam Wayne.Gillam@vr.dese.mo.gov 573-522-6338

Understanding Workplace Conflict: Strategies for Effective Communication