Coming Out in the Techno Era: Implications for a sex-positive public health

2. Coming Out in the Techno Era: Implications for a sex-positive public health Emily S. Pingel, MPH Project Director Department of Health Behavior Health Education University of Michigan School of Public Health

3. Background • Changing cultural landscape • Youth engaging in coming out processes at even earlier ages • Denizet-Lewis, B. (2009, September 23). Coming Out in Middle School. The New York Times.

4. Background • Identity formation and exploration in adolescence/emerging adulthood • Arnett, J. (2000) Emerging Adulthood: A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. American Psychologist, 55(5), 469-480. • Developmental trajectories of LGBT youth • Rotheram-Borus, M.J. & Langabeer, K. (2001). Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Identities and Youth: Psychological Perspectives. A. D’Augelli & C. Patterson, (Eds.). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

5. The Role of the Internet • Over 70 million Internet users per day in the US. • Broadened the discourse of sexuality • Online interactions may result in ‘riskier’ encounters • Pequegnat W. et al. (2007). Conducting Internet-based HIV/STD Prevention Survey Research: considerations in design and evaluation. AIDS and Behavior, 11(4), 505-521. • May additionally accrue benefits for the user

6. Research Questions • Initially interested in coming out narratives • Discrete events vs. processes • Examining processes through the lens of a particular behavior • Focus on initial online dating experiences  the intersection of identity formation/Internet

7. Research Questions • How has the internet shaped various processes of identity formation among YMSM? • What are the reasons YMSM give for first using the Internet to date? • How do YMSM describe their first online dating experiences? • What feelings, if any, do they choose to voice in recalling these initial experiences?

8. Methodology • Initial team coding • Extracted portions of transcript referencing “coming out” and initial online dating experiences • Recoded using open coding scheme • Organized code structure by thematic patterns

9. Descriptives

10. Findings

11. “Two Worlds” It had come out that he was somebody very uber Christian who couldn’t resolve sort of the idea that he was gay with the rest of his life.…and at that point, I was just about ready to come out myself, and I wasn’t going to deal with a sort of, a third hidden world. I was dealing with my own at the time, and two worlds was enough. -Ryan, 23, white, HIV-, In a relationship

12. Coming Out • Central vs. minimized • Intersections with initiation of online dating? • Distinct events • Integral to the process • Internet as a hindrance

13. From Looking…. • “A safe way to explore” • Avoiding others’ expectations • Anonymity • Giving false information

14. Ethan, 24, white, HIV+, single • And I was really confused….when I lived in Oregon, I had no friends whatsoever. So, I spent a lot of time online. I started doing some research. You know, I realized that maybe I really was into guys. And, you know, started to hang out in chat rooms.

15. ….To Touching. • Online dating facilitated formative romantic and sexual experiences • I know there was a point, and it definitely happened gradually….I was moving from, “hey, I’m just kind of dabbling in these sexual experiences” to “yeah, I am seeking them out.” One is I’m testing the waters and the other is I’m actually swimming. • Winston, 21, African American, HIV-, single

16. Exploring sexual desire • “articulating desire” • “showcasing my body” • “getting attention” • niche sites

17. Ryan, 23, white, HIV-, in a relationship • But at 18, I had just moved to campus. I had started to question my sexual urges. And I needed – it basically created a safe way to explore that world without having to expose myself. I had a single room with an internet connection. And within a few well-placed Google searches, I suddenly had access to other people that I can chat with anonymously, and sort of articulate and express ideas and desires that I would never be able to do in a social setting.

18. Learning to Navigate • Characterizing others • “creepy people” abound • Older men • “just for hookups” • “people lie” • Hard to find “decent, quality” people • Testing Assertiveness • Ignoring advances • “caving in” and “getting used”

19. Reasons for Getting Online • Logistics • Access/Exposure • Emotional and coping response

20. Giving Context • Participants often painted a vivid picture of their life experiences at the time they began going online to date • Transitions • Family/peer/academic environment • From “the usual teenage angst and woe” to reparation therapy

21. Feelings about first online experiences • Confusion • Guilt/shame • Terror at “in your face” sex • Escape/Relief • Excitement • Increased confidence • Acceptance/affirmation

22. Caleb, 22, White, HIV-, single • “So, the only thing I knew about, I guess, about being—I don’t want to say about being gay, but the only thing I knew was relationships. I didn’t know what hookups were quite yet. Like, I didn’t know that people just hooked up. I always thought that you went on dates and you met people and you dated people. So, I wasn’t aware of that. So I didn’t like that people were just messaging me for sex. And, you know, I was trying to have conversations with them and they would ask me, you know, “how big are you?”…”Do you want to come over?”…I was like “I don’t even know you.”

23. John, 20, White/Hispanic, HIV-, single It’s just like as far as, you know, my parents met in person. Like most of my relatives who are together met in person. And the idea of digitally consummating something into a physical relationship is a really, like, I guess, scary, like, you know. Like taking the digital in this really vast unknown. And then making something that’s supposed to be really meaningful and physical. Like, it’s scary.

24. Matthew, 22, White, HIV-, single I lived in rural Montana, so it was really the only way of actually finding other gay people that lived around….It [the Internet} was really easy to search. You could plug in, like, the search criteria, and you could ocme up with four or five gay boys your own age in, like, a 60 mile radius. And that was very exciting because I didn’t feel so alone.

25. Patterns of Use • Not out or living in a non-accepting environment Get online to find sexual partners • Often begins to foster self-acceptance • Out • different expectations for potential online experience • interested in friendships and romance • shocked by the highly sexualized environment

26. Conclusions

27. Benefits/Risks of Online Dating Experiences Among YMSM • Participation as young people in the rituals of sex and dating • Simultaneously being socialized in an adult world with real risks and consequences • Identity rehearsal

28. Accessing the Positive • Increased media literacy • Development of sex-positive, relationship-positive sites • Working at all levels to promote equality