How To Use Holidays To Enhance Family Relationships

1. How To Use Holidays To Enhance Family Relationships Taiwan Happy Family Association May 2012 Sharon Rosenkoetter, Ph.D. Larry Rosenkoetter, Ph.D. Oregon State University

2. What Are Holidays & Rituals? Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life They support stability during times of stress & transition • Holidays are shared events in the nation that each family celebrates in its own way • Holidays may have cultural, religious, or patriotic meaning

3. What Are Holidays & Rituals? Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support stability during times of stress & transition • Holiday often are special family times • Lunar New Year -- Ramadan -- National Day • Mother’s Day -- Christmas -- Passover • Father’s Day -- Family Day --Baxter & Braithwaite, 2002

4. Christmas

5. Christmas Is a National Holiday in the U.S. It may be celebrated as a religious or secular holiday • Religious • Birthday of Jesus Christ • Special worship & beautiful religious music • (Silent Night, Holy Night) • Decorated Christmas tree points to heaven • Other special decorations, yard lights • Gifts to family honor God’s gift to humans • Special food & fun • Families travel to be together • Stores, schools, & restaurants are closed • Not Religious • Happy family time • Happy songs (Frosty the Snow Man, Jingle Bells) • Decorated Christmas tree as art • Other special decorations, yard lights • Gifts show love to family & friends • Special food & fun • Some non-Christian families travel to be together • Other non-Christian families do not recognize holiday • Stores, schools, & restaurants are closed

6. Families Have Their Own Rituals for Holidays • 13-15 people come from all over the United States • Family stays in one house; cooking & eating & worshipping together • Church service with candlelight at midnight on Christmas Eve • Often make gifts for one another; everyone gives & gets gifts • Family eats ham & roast beef, special dishes, • special cookies, cakes, & candies • Santa Claus distributes the gifts • Great grandparents are Santa & Mrs. Claus in • homemade costumes Rosenkoetters’ Christmas

7. Some Special Holiday Memories

8. What Are Family Rituals? Like holidays, rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support its stability during times of stress & transition • Rituals are recurring activities that 2 or more family members purposefully enact and that honor cherished family values • Examples of family rituals • Religious observances • Milestone events • Coming of age rituals-- Object rituals • Couple rituals -- Verbal rituals • Individualized family rituals -- Repeated activities that become rituals as they become especially meaningful

9. Remember… Holidays & rituals are powerful organizers of family life. They support its stability during times of stress & transition At times when a family member is ill or has died, or when there has been a divorce, holidays & rituals help a family be strong together Holidays & rituals establish special family times in single-parent families (Olson & Haynes, 1992)

10. Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important… • Bring family members together to honor one another & celebrate the family relationship • Help family members to know • one another better • Teach family beliefs, social roles, gender, cultural values

11. Why Holidays & Rituals Are Important… • Strengthen the family unit • Build positive family identity & memories for the future • Help young children learn language, social skills, and some academic skills • Promote adolescents’ sense of identity & general well-being

12. Example -- Passover • Celebrated by Jews for 3,000 years to honor God’s rescue of the people from slavery • Called “Seder” • Occurs every spring; reminds children & adults of Jewish identity • Traditional food, candles, ritual words, retelling the story

13. Example -- Passover • Particular words for children: “How is this night different from all nights?” • Citrin (2012) family adds Passover plays, musical performances, poetry, references to current events & props to make the ancient story their own

14. Research on Holidays & Rituals • “A key contribution to family stability & well-being” (Wolin & Bennett, 1984) • Family members with established rituals have a higher commitment to each other • They have a stronger family identity & celebrate a sense of ethnicity, religion, or community • They have a strong sense of commitment across generations (Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001)

15. Research on Holidays & Rituals • They have a stronger sense of marital & relational satisfaction (Duck, 1991; Fiese & Tomcho, 2001) • It is important to establish special family times for single-parent & step families (Olson & Haynes, 1992)

16. Research… • Among Americans, planning for holidays & maintaining family rituals tends to depend upon 40-60 year old women in the family, though all ages are likely to benefit (Leach & Braithwaite, 1992) • Stress in a family may first be seen in the disruption of family holidays and rituals (Steinglass et al., 1987) • Continuity in holidays & rituals gives children a sense of security when their family is dealing with divorce or alcoholism (Guidubaldi et al, 1986; Henry & Lovelace, 1995; Wolin et al., 1979) • Even when parents divorce past age 50, their adult children keenly miss holiday rituals (Pett et al., 1992)

17. How To Improve Family Celebrations • Be sure that celebrations promote your own family’s values • Include all ages in planning and celebrating • Make rituals meaningful & fun (or otherwise rewarding) • Keep them simple & inexpensive >>> to reduce stress, OR occasionally make them deliberately elaborate • Turn off the television, telephones, laptops, personal music • Set the schedule in advance. Don’t let alternative activities intrude • Invent new rituals as new times present • Encourage relaxed conversation • See handout for conversation tips

18. Treasure Your Time for Family Togetherness When older adults recall favorite times in their lives, very often their favorite memories are of family holidays & rituals